When the world is on your shoulders..

    • When the world is on your shoulders..

      I'm 17 years old, and I've always dealt with depression and insecurities. Because it was such a regular thing, I didn't think anything of it when it resurfaced a couple months ago.

      A few days went by, and every now and then I'd just feel down in a general sense. But after another few days, I started feeling very low for long periods of time. It would come more frequently, and last much longer than before. Another couple days, and I was constantly low. It started turning into more than just feeling down, too. I felt completely hopeless and worthless. I would catch myself saying really mean things to people I love without thinking. On multiple occasions, I would sit in front of my mirror and stare at my body, and just cry because I thought I was disgusting.

      It became, and still is, and obsession. Every few minutes, I'll pull up the sleeve of my sweatshirt and look at the skin on my arm, and just think about how disgusting I am. I swear I just make myself see things that aren't there. I cry for hours on end, even if nothing initiated it; for absolutely no reason at all. Then, I'll be happy as a clam until the next time I feel disgusting.

      All in all, I have no idea what's going on. Like I said, I've dealt with things LIKE this before, but never something to this extent. I have never thought about self-harming or not cared about anything so much in my life, until now. I can't even wear clothes that my mom buys me in fear that people will see the flaws in my skin that I somehow see. I just can't do it anymore...I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

    • Re: When the world is on your shoulders..

      You should not care about what anyone thinks about your appearance. Be proud of your body because it's what keeps you alive. I think you need a self-esteem and self-confidence boost. You need to wear all the clothes your mum buys you and be happy and enthusiastic about it. Wear bright colors like reds and pinks because they too will help in building confidence.

      You shouldn't pay so much attention to your body. Accept who you are! it doesn't matter what is on your skin... think of it this way, you are lucky to have two arms, two legs, two eyes, etc! some people dont have all these features. People will accept you and wont care about your appearance if you accept your self and ignore you negative feelings about yourself. Try being more social because your peers will value who you are which can create more self-esteem in your self.

      Another good idea is to try doing a new hobby such as bike riding, singing, reading or anything you enjoy doing. This will distract you from your depressing feelings and will give you something to care for. Create an strong attachment to a hobby. It will really benefit you. Try it step by step and aim for the smallest goals first. For example, if you want to try bike riding, go for a 5 minute bike ride and the next time double the amount of time you went in the first.

      Remember, the more you start surrounding yourself with people, the more you will stop feeling this way. Strong bond with people can help you find your worth. You need to be more energetic and talk more but in a nicer manner so this means you have to set a goal for yourself and try talk nicer in an assertive manner.