Hello everyone, this is a long story, i don't know where to start from. I try to make it short and simple:
Alright, so my childhood haven't been the best, there has been family violence, i have lost a close person to me, including my friend in a accident, i never were a popular kid in mid-school but i never was bullied either, i had normal grades and life was easy. I had activities to do outside with friends and i was generally a happy kid, but i had outbursts many time, when i got mad over the smallest things and i had problems with calming down.
Okay in highschool i had first real crush of my life, it was the best moment in my life but also worst, because i got humiliated also very badly in my opinion. Basically girl that i couldn't stop thinking about started flirting with my good friend, dumped me, had sex with my friend, got back with me together, dumped me again, after that i wanted to find justice my fighting, and the my "good friend" won the fight. I said stuff that i regret and feel embarrassed about.
Now in college i can't stop thinking bout how shitty my past is and i keep making up stuff that why nobody likes me and why i dont have much people to hang out with...
College: I have friends in college, who accept me as i am and are nice to me, and so on. I have "good" days when i feel like nothing bothers me, and im really active and happy. Then i have those "bad" days like now, when i just blame myself for being such a loser and i feel like being away from other people is the best option so they dont have to be embarrassed about me. I don't know where these things from my head come from, but all i know is that i keep thinking stuff like that, i'm very grumpy all the time and i can't stop thinking about the girl and the humiliation i had been through.. I don't know what to do anymore
So i have
-Mood changing, Usually happy and so on, but then also once or twice a week very sad and self-blaming
-I blame myself for all the bad stuff that has happened to me and i don't find any reason to make any friends or get a new crush, because i'm afraid to being humiliated again
-Im very quiet these days.. I don't even want to have eye-contact with people, because in the past people used to laugh at me for no reason.
-I can't consentrate AT ALL in school or anywhere else, everytime i try i start thinking about my life and shitty stuff that has been happening
Any tips? :/
Alright, so my childhood haven't been the best, there has been family violence, i have lost a close person to me, including my friend in a accident, i never were a popular kid in mid-school but i never was bullied either, i had normal grades and life was easy. I had activities to do outside with friends and i was generally a happy kid, but i had outbursts many time, when i got mad over the smallest things and i had problems with calming down.
Okay in highschool i had first real crush of my life, it was the best moment in my life but also worst, because i got humiliated also very badly in my opinion. Basically girl that i couldn't stop thinking about started flirting with my good friend, dumped me, had sex with my friend, got back with me together, dumped me again, after that i wanted to find justice my fighting, and the my "good friend" won the fight. I said stuff that i regret and feel embarrassed about.
Now in college i can't stop thinking bout how shitty my past is and i keep making up stuff that why nobody likes me and why i dont have much people to hang out with...
College: I have friends in college, who accept me as i am and are nice to me, and so on. I have "good" days when i feel like nothing bothers me, and im really active and happy. Then i have those "bad" days like now, when i just blame myself for being such a loser and i feel like being away from other people is the best option so they dont have to be embarrassed about me. I don't know where these things from my head come from, but all i know is that i keep thinking stuff like that, i'm very grumpy all the time and i can't stop thinking about the girl and the humiliation i had been through.. I don't know what to do anymore
So i have
-Mood changing, Usually happy and so on, but then also once or twice a week very sad and self-blaming
-I blame myself for all the bad stuff that has happened to me and i don't find any reason to make any friends or get a new crush, because i'm afraid to being humiliated again
-Im very quiet these days.. I don't even want to have eye-contact with people, because in the past people used to laugh at me for no reason.
-I can't consentrate AT ALL in school or anywhere else, everytime i try i start thinking about my life and shitty stuff that has been happening
Any tips? :/