My girlfriend broke up with me, but there still may be a chance [very long post]

    • My girlfriend broke up with me, but there still may be a chance [very long post]

      I need some advice, this is a bit long but it's pre-written out.

      About 1 and 1/2 years ago I met a girl, let's call her Claire. I met her in summer gym and instantly I was attracted. She was gorgeous and funny and had a great personality. All of which fall under the "I do not deserve" category. I talked to her and we were really compatable. She was one of my distant-friend's sisters so I had an in. Now I knew she would never go for me, she was just too… good. We didn't have class together but I saw her sometimes after class waiting to be picked up. We would hang out and talk and play games while waiting to be picked up, and one day she texted me, she had gotten my number from one of my friends. We instantly became friends. Now this was before freshman year, and I didn't have friends. I was alone, but it was like I didn't have emotions. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I just was. But all of this changed when I met her. I slowly became sad, realizing I had never experienced the true love of another person, or experienced another person taking your love into their heart and charishing it. After summer gym I didn't have many friends, so I just stayed home all day, although I did text Clair, every day. We became best friends and confided our secrets in each other.

      I knew that she would never go for me, especially since she had a boyfriend. Freshman year started and I got a few good friends. In case you can't tell this story is about Claire. I fell for her immediatly. So in light off the fact that she was too good and the whole "boyfriend" thing I decided to give up and try another girl I knew. Let's call her Kelsea. I had met her about 2 months before I met Claire.

      She lived 50 minutes away, and she had a boyfriend who was my friend, so I did nothing. Eventually I became extremely depressed to the point of burning my fingertips with red-hot needles. I cried almost every night, and she was always there, asking what was wrong, and I would always tell her how alone I felt. One day, months later, she was complaining about how she felt that no one loved her, not even her boyfriend (who's a tool.) I told her that I loved her, and when she asked which kind, she knew how I felt. We didn't talk for a few days but when we did it was like nothing ever happened. One night she texted me when she was drunk, I took that opportunity to ask her how she felt about me. She said, "Do you really think that I would ever like someone like you? That's pathetic." The next day she had no idea what she'd said. I continued being depressed and self-harming. One day three of her friends sent me messages during school telling me to go kill myself and how creepy I was and I needed to leave Kelsey alone. I gave up on Kelsey, and stopped talking to her, and pursued Claire. Now her boyfriend is a mega-dick, he treated her badly, made her go out with his friends when she didn't want to, when he signed them up for prom he didn't know how to spell her last name (is 5 god damn letters.) He also got jealous of how close Claire and I were. Like I said I didn't have that many real friends so before school I would always hang out with her, and by proxy, her boyfriend, and I would also eat at her lunch table.

      I told her about my burning and she would always try to help but she never could. I told her how alone I was, how I needed someone to love. One day in early January one of her friends texted me saying I was a creep and I needed to back the fuck off. I stopped talking to Claire, which was easy because it was during winter break. Around this time I texted Kelsey and realized she didn't know her friends said that to me and that she thought I just stopped texting her because I didn't need her anymore, she helped me through the crippling depression that what Claire's friend said caused.

      About 2 weeks later I texted Claire on her birthday saying how sorry I was and that I wish we could be friends again. She gladly accepted and we were friends again. About a month later, I met this girl at a church retreat, I was instantly attracted to her for some strange reason, most likely her unique personality. At the same time Claire "broke up" with her boyfriend for the first time. The first in a long series of unaccepted breakups. He wouldn't except it and in some cases he would lock her in his car until she agreed to get back together with him. Anyway, that night the girl and I slept in the same sleeping bag despite the fact that her boyfriend was asleep in the next room. Now the thing is, this girl (Lydia for this purpose) lived 4 hours away from me. We chatted on facebook, and one day she broke up with her boyfriend, because, as I would find out later, she wanted me. Late one night she confessed her feelings for me, and I confessed mine, and I was so happy. I instantly stopped being depressed. When we saw each other next we had our first kiss (my first kiss ever.) And some more stuff, but no sex. About once a month my dad would drive me down to visit her for the weekend and it was all going good, until she became extremely clingy and with the distance I realized it just wasn't going to work out.

      Around April I met another girl, Bailey (I'm running out of fake names, the last one was real too.) Long story short we made out while I was still dating Lydia. After much debate, I broke up with Lydia, which was extremely difficult, and dated Bailey. More stories short, things didn't work out and we broke up. By now this is about August. Claire invited me to go tubing with her family on Lake Erie as I had never been tubing. By this time her ex was beginning to accept that they were broken up but not entirely. When I went tubing with her, something felt different, something felt right. At the end of the night we said goodbye behind her mom's minivan. That night at midnight she sent me a text asking me if I still liked her, I said yes assuming the worst. And she said "Good I like you too, I really wanted to kiss you when we said goodbye tonight." I was ecstatic, completely and utterly contempt. The happiest I had been since I met her. We went on secret dates to the park, because for some reason she insisted on keeping it secret. We had our first kiss. It was secret until I asked her out to homecoming and she said yes, we went together. My dreams had finally come true, I had my dream girl. Everything was fantastic since then, her ex still bothered her but it didn't matter. It was all great, I loved her so much, and I still do. We wrote each other love notes in class. We had sex, she took my virginity. For our one month I bought her a necklace and earrings and put them in a custom box with a love note written on the insite of the lid and gave her an origami rose. For Christmas I learned how to make jewelry and I made her a beautiful heart pendant with "Merry Christmas Claire - Love Ryan" engraved on the back. Everything was great until winter break started. She became sort of distant, saying she missed me and that she wanted to hang out but never finding the time. One night she was hanging out with her friend lucy, but she wouldn't text me back. Lucy was even snapchatting me pictures of them hanging out. The next day she told me that she needed space and she doesn't really get to hang out with Lucy, so I gave her more space. She texted me less and less every day, some days not at all. Eventually we hung out, and we had sex, but something seemed off. Things became weird, whenever I mentioned kissing or cudding when texting her she just said, "mhm," instead of her usual "I want to too!" She wouldn't say I love you back. Then a few days later, today, I got this message on facebook:

      "Okay so i know this isnt gonna make alot of sense to you but i think we should break up. Ive had alot of fun with you and i really like you but i was talking to someone the other day and they said love is something that grips you by the heart and tells you that you know your in love. And i feel realy bad cause it seems i have that effect on you but i cant say the same. I dont want you to leave my life, i stilll really want us to be friends cause your are my best friend in the world but i think thats all we will be. And maybe me being away from you for awhile will change something and ill change my mind and come back if you still want me. But then that we will have to see in time.It really breaks my heart to tell you this cause i do really care about you its just not working for me. I know its cheesy but its me not you xD You are really great and someday your gonna find the girl that can give you the same love back. Im sorry Ryan"

      I was heart broken. Eventually I responded "I hope you change your mind, just know I still love you"
      She told me I didn't do anything wrong and that she jumped into a relationship with me too soon after finally breaking up with her ex and that she just needed space.
      I asked if we could get back together later
      She said she wasn't going to say anything because she didn't want to turn me into her ex
      I said I thought we were perfect
      She said she just needs a break

      Eventually through the conversation I asked her if she loved me, like real love
      She said "To be honest the person I talked to a few days ago challenged my view on love so I don't know. I thought I was before this person talked to me"
      I asked how long she'd felt like this
      She said "I still really care about you I just need some space right now."
      I said "please just tell me"
      she said "I really like you so I dealt with my needing space issue until it became a bigger issue for me and I decided this was better, probably a couple days."
      I said "So it was something I did, I wasn't giving you enough space"
      No response for an hour

      Now we're in the present and my world feels shattered. I still haven't grasped that I won't get to be with her anymore, hold her, kiss her. She was my dream girl. I absolutely and completely loved her. She was the reason I smiled when I got up in the morning and the reason I didn't want to go to bed because I might miss a single second to talk to her. I'm broken. I can't stop shaking and I'm scared to go to sleep. I haven't cried yet because I've been avoiding having to thing about this with minecraft and computer coding and youtube. But it's 2 AM and I'm out of distractions. If you read all the way through this, you're a saint. Please, I need some advice on what to do.
    • Re: My girlfriend broke up with me, but there still may be a chance [very long post]

      Wow, I can't believe I just finished reading all of that. I'm promoted to a saint, aren't I.

      Ryan, no means no. You have to accept breakups, and you're lucky that she's enthusiastic about being friends. It's cliche, yes, but I believe she's genuine about it. You both can be soulmates, ever thought about that? To me it's already an honour to be friends with a pretty girl, trust me on that.

      You were desperate for love, darn desperate. You could love this one and then change to another with little time gap in between. No offense, but I doubt it's love. That's why the others would name you a "creep".

      And you shouldn't be that weak, or let the girl of your dreams know of your weakness. Because girls don't like that in guys. Regarding Lydia, I would advice you to know more about girls and their relationship "style" before dating them. It would save a lot more trouble.

      The lovey-dovey stage, is the common stage in teens when they've developed a relationship. Many times, one party feels bored or that through some of your actions etc, realises that the person isn't for her/him. Someone being perfect for another doesn't mean vice versa.

      Now you're in the heartbroken stage. Time will heal you, but no self-harm please. You're a dude, so be strong. You haven't met all the girls in the world, so what makes you so sure that she's the definite one? Looking on the positive side, at least she didn't cheat on you or prolong the relationship and became honest with you. Cherish her for that.
    • Re: My girlfriend broke up with me, but there still may be a chance [very long post]

      ztmj96 wrote:

      Wow, I can't believe I just finished reading all of that. I'm promoted to a saint, aren't I.

      Ryan, no means no. You have to accept breakups, and you're lucky that she's enthusiastic about being friends. It's cliche, yes, but I believe she's genuine about it. You both can be soulmates, ever thought about that? To me it's already an honour to be friends with a pretty girl, trust me on that.

      You were desperate for love, darn desperate. You could love this one and then change to another with little time gap in between. No offense, but I doubt it's love. That's why the others would name you a "creep".

      And you shouldn't be that weak, or let the girl of your dreams know of your weakness. Because girls don't like that in guys. Regarding Lydia, I would advice you to know more about girls and their relationship "style" before dating them. It would save a lot more trouble.

      The lovey-dovey stage, is the common stage in teens when they've developed a relationship. Many times, one party feels bored or that through some of your actions etc, realises that the person isn't for her/him. Someone being perfect for another doesn't mean vice versa.

      Now you're in the heartbroken stage. Time will heal you, but no self-harm please. You're a dude, so be strong. You haven't met all the girls in the world, so what makes you so sure that she's the definite one? Looking on the positive side, at least she didn't cheat on you or prolong the relationship and became honest with you. Cherish her for that.


      ^this
      Wow, I read it all too! The guy above me explained what you should do perfectly. Off topic, you said you have youtube. What's your channel name? You should focus on other things and maybe try another month, year, but not today :)
      [COLOR="Red"]You know you're in love when you cannot sleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams.[/COLOR] :)
    • Re: My girlfriend broke up with me, but there still may be a chance [very long post]

      :( I'm sorry to hear about your breakup, it must be difficult for you. But judging from what you were saying when you were talking about the girls before Claire, I think you need to work on yourself first, whether that's directly yourself or your home life or whatever. Because, you didn't sound very happy before, and getting involved with all these different girls isn't a solution if there are things that don't involve them that need to be fixed.

      Please, don't harm yourself.

      Be sad for however long it takes you, but try not to dwell on it. It's okay to be upset, get all your feelings out and after you're feeling better, evaluate where you want to go from that point. Work on yourself first. Give Claire time as well, maybe she will change what she thinks and you both will work out.