This past weekend I've been really down. It's like everyone I know has someone to talk to except for me. It all started over the summer I guess. I started seeing this girl and I was really into her, I guess she was really into me too. On the last day of September we had a fight because I wanted to spend time with her and she wanted to go to some party at school. She ended up going to the party and cheated on me. When she told me what happened, I told her I forgave her and that we could just work through it together. She dumped me. By then I kinda slipped into a depressive fit, not eating or talking to anyone.
Two weeks later I found out she left me for a jock. This guy is one of the biggest pricks you'll ever meet. Self absorbed, violent, and the exact opposite of me. He would often torment me about how he stole my girlfriend from me. Eventually I snapped, tried to fight him and ended up being publicly humiliated and beaten. I tried to make myself hate her but I just couldn't bring myself to be mad at her. She looked so happy so I decided to get my mind off of it by leaving that group of friends (we both shared most of our friends) and found new ones. I ended up becoming friends with the druggies at my school and I started smoking pot again, which eventually grew into other more harmful drugs. For a while I thought I was better, I stopped using stuff after a month or so and met a girl I thought could replace my ex. It turned out she wasn't into me and that she only was nice to me because she wanted to get free pot. I ended up starting to smoke again.
By December I joined this site and thought that I was finally gonna get my life together. For a while it seemed like it too. I met awesome people on this site, cleaned up my act, and even got accepted into college. But now I'm back to my low state of mind. I found out my ex broke up with that jock and we hung out on Friday during a free period. It was amazing, the happiest I had been in months. But it appears that only I thought that. We planned to hang out over this past weekend but those plans fell through. I still have strong feelings for her and I want to get back with her so badly, but I also realize that it's a horrible idea to date her again as she might just cheat on me again. To add to my feelings of lonliness and self loathing, my relationship with my dad has gone sour again. He's an old racist man who's too ignorant to stop insulting me and my friends. It's pushed them all away from me. Now I'm stuck at home on weekends because no one returns calls or texts and I just keep thinking to myself that I could die at any minute and not be missed. It doesn't help that I'm ugly and lack social skills.
In the past it's gotten to the point of me just inflicting injuries on myself, getting high, or simply just collapsing to the floor and bawling my eyes out. I have borderline personality disorder so it definitely doesn't help with what I'm going through. Ugh, I just want it to end :/. Anyone got any advice on how to get over my ex/stop feeling so crappy? I honestly don't want to get over her but I know I have to. I just want to stop hurting and feel loved by people.
Sorry this was a long post. I guess I'm screwed up like that.
Two weeks later I found out she left me for a jock. This guy is one of the biggest pricks you'll ever meet. Self absorbed, violent, and the exact opposite of me. He would often torment me about how he stole my girlfriend from me. Eventually I snapped, tried to fight him and ended up being publicly humiliated and beaten. I tried to make myself hate her but I just couldn't bring myself to be mad at her. She looked so happy so I decided to get my mind off of it by leaving that group of friends (we both shared most of our friends) and found new ones. I ended up becoming friends with the druggies at my school and I started smoking pot again, which eventually grew into other more harmful drugs. For a while I thought I was better, I stopped using stuff after a month or so and met a girl I thought could replace my ex. It turned out she wasn't into me and that she only was nice to me because she wanted to get free pot. I ended up starting to smoke again.
By December I joined this site and thought that I was finally gonna get my life together. For a while it seemed like it too. I met awesome people on this site, cleaned up my act, and even got accepted into college. But now I'm back to my low state of mind. I found out my ex broke up with that jock and we hung out on Friday during a free period. It was amazing, the happiest I had been in months. But it appears that only I thought that. We planned to hang out over this past weekend but those plans fell through. I still have strong feelings for her and I want to get back with her so badly, but I also realize that it's a horrible idea to date her again as she might just cheat on me again. To add to my feelings of lonliness and self loathing, my relationship with my dad has gone sour again. He's an old racist man who's too ignorant to stop insulting me and my friends. It's pushed them all away from me. Now I'm stuck at home on weekends because no one returns calls or texts and I just keep thinking to myself that I could die at any minute and not be missed. It doesn't help that I'm ugly and lack social skills.
In the past it's gotten to the point of me just inflicting injuries on myself, getting high, or simply just collapsing to the floor and bawling my eyes out. I have borderline personality disorder so it definitely doesn't help with what I'm going through. Ugh, I just want it to end :/. Anyone got any advice on how to get over my ex/stop feeling so crappy? I honestly don't want to get over her but I know I have to. I just want to stop hurting and feel loved by people.
Sorry this was a long post. I guess I'm screwed up like that.
"If you're sick of evil knocking on your door, throw up the love sign once and forever more"
