The Judas crown

    • The Judas crown

      Well my first poem was kind of popular so I decided to write a second one. Just like the last one all feedback is appreciated.

      Follow you from dawn of time.
      Whisper thought's in to your mind.
      Watch your tower's hit the ground.
      The orphaned children never found.
      Helped your king's abuse their crown's.

      In the heart of evil man.
      Plant the seed's with my own plan.
      Strong and powerful will fall.
      Find a piece of me in all!
      Technology is neither good nor bad, nor even neutral. Technology is one part of the complex of relationships that people form with each other and the world around them; it simply cannot be understood outside of that concept.

    • Re: The Judas crown

      The first stanza... the fifth line kind of pokes at me when I read it, like it's not meant to be there. >.<
      [CENTER]

      [SIZE="1"][FONT="Georgia"][COLOR="Black"]When the city sleeps, I'm wide awake.
      You know what I see? High rises. Low lifes.
      Bright lights and back alleys.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]

      [/CENTER]

    • Re: The Judas crown

      Kind of like one of those pseudo-deep poems that either isn't actually about anything at all or is so dense that any meaning you actually find in it probably isn't manufactured by the author...
      Also, your misuse of apostrophes makes me really uncomfortable... :nono:

      ---------- Post added at 10:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:07 AM ----------

      You're not Faulkner... tone down the pretentiousness... rather than trying to say something important or meaningful just say what you feel.

    • Re: The Judas crown

      Thank's for the feedback. I will use to improve my future work :D
      Technology is neither good nor bad, nor even neutral. Technology is one part of the complex of relationships that people form with each other and the world around them; it simply cannot be understood outside of that concept.

    • Re: The Judas crown

      Thank you emo cutting angel. I will try to be truer with my future work's and use less apostrophes in the future.
      Technology is neither good nor bad, nor even neutral. Technology is one part of the complex of relationships that people form with each other and the world around them; it simply cannot be understood outside of that concept.

    • Re: The Judas crown

      Chuck Finster wrote:

      Kind of like one of those pseudo-deep poems that either isn't actually about anything at all or is so dense that any meaning you actually find in it probably isn't manufactured by the author...
      Also, your misuse of apostrophes makes me really uncomfortable... :nono:

      ---------- Post added at 10:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:07 AM ----------

      You're not Faulkner... tone down the pretentiousness... rather than trying to say something important or meaningful just say what you feel.


      You're a faggot,which means that you have no authority to speak on this matter.Like seriously,how many gay poets do you know?

      @seductivepain,Your poem is good,only advice I can give you is to make sure that your entire poem follows an overall general theme(meaning the the topic or message of your poem),keep any lines from seeming random or irrelevant.However,a little ambiguity is good.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by fatal Intentions ().