People say that when boys grow up, they "man up". By that term, what we all normally think would be boys getting braver, more adventurous and of course, a little more mature. I thought that growing up would be cool and stuff but what i missed out in the process of "man-ning up" was the feeling of numbness. Before, the sight of those tear-jerking movies, a close friend dying or a mutilated corpse would get me nauseous or tears would cascade down my cheeks, now i just don't feel anything. It's rather odd and calming at the same time, but it also scares me. Whenever my family have an episode, i would obviously be there for my family but not out of care, out of numbness instead. I don't feel worried or anything even when things heat up. I say the right things but i myself feel like i dont mean it. I don't even put meaning in any word i say these days. The other day, my mother asked me a question that kinda stirred something within me: "Why dont i ever hug anyone". My response was "why should i?" Simple things like those don't seem important anymore. It feels like im loosing my humanity. Is this really what it means to grow up?