People say that when boys grow up, they "man up". By that term, what we all normally think would be boys getting braver, more adventurous and of course, a little more mature. I thought that growing up would be cool and stuff but what i missed out in the process of "man-ning up" was the feeling of numbness. Before, the sight of those tear-jerking movies, a close friend dying or a mutilated corpse would get me nauseous or tears would cascade down my cheeks, now i just don't feel anything. It's rather odd and calming at the same time, but it also scares me. Whenever my family have an episode, i would obviously be there for my family but not out of care, out of numbness instead. I don't feel worried or anything even when things heat up. I say the right things but i myself feel like i dont mean it. I don't even put meaning in any word i say these days. The other day, my mother asked me a question that kinda stirred something within me: "Why dont i ever hug anyone". My response was "why should i?" Simple things like those don't seem important anymore. It feels like im loosing my humanity. Is this really what it means to grow up?
No, that's not what it means to grow up.
Of course, a man shouldn't get nauseous and cry rivers all the time, but being completely numb is not good either.
It might be a phase, you're not grown up yet.[CENTER][SIZE=1]He holds me in his big arms
Drunk and I am seeing stars
This is all I think of[/SIZE]
I went through the same thing and used to think I'd never feel anything, until one day I witnessed my dad in a life-or-death situation and had to call the emergency services, stay in the ambulance with him and at the hospital.
There was overwhelming panic throughout the ordeal.
There are other times however, where I've been completely numb/indifferent at e.g. a funeral.
I think the lack of empathy is, for some people, a coping mechanism. Everyone has their own way of coping with what life throws at them. No I don't think you're losing your humanity, more likely a phase - that's usually the way it is, you go through phases throughout life and your experiences and choices shape you.[SIZE="1"]Ex Scientia Vera.[/SIZE]
I think sometimes boys try and man up like before we are ready to - but I hug and get hugged -
I never like the phrase just a phase - but its maybe just you feel the need not to show emotionJamick is my nickname real name James.