He's Very Hot and Cold

    • He's Very Hot and Cold

      So my close guy friend, who came out as a bisexual nearly a year ago, lately has been kind of a jerk, purposely hanging up a FaceTime call for reasons unspoken without so much as a goodbye or some lame bullshit excuse to hang up. We don't on the phone as much as we used to either. He used to call me DAILY just to say hello and talk for hours, now we barely talk on the phone once a week. He's blamed it on me, saying that every time he calls I'm busy, which is somewhat true, college essays won't write themselves, but I do try to call him back, he normally asleep by the time I can get to it though.

      He seems kind of cold, but then when I see him he'll gladly greet and hug me, then a few minutes later say something hurtful. I can't tell if it's on purpose or not either. It sometimes stings like it is. He's just always been one of those people that has something to criticize someone about, but the critiques had never been so seemingly aimed at me without an obvious sarcastic tone to follow. Yet he'll turn around and playfully say things like "I like your face," while engulfing my face in his outstretched hand in front of my friends.

      He used to give me these long warm hugs that were basically mini dances, twirling us around and running us into lockers obnoxiously despite the fact that he has two left feet; now he'll push me away after a while. Act like its awkward that I'm even touching him, that he was never the one to cling to me in the first place.

      But a few weekends ago we went to the mall, I met his cousin, and he treated me like his girlfriend, grabbing my hand and politely commenting on things when I asked his opinion. He had never been so acute on holding my hand really before, so I assumed he felt compelled because his cousin was there? I don't know.

      He's very hot and cold I don't understand it.
      ~She's got a little book of conspiracies right in her hand. She is paranoid, endangered species headed into extinction.~

      The post was edited 1 time, last by TheGreenGurl ().

    • Re: He's Very Hot and Cold

      He won't know that he's making you feel like this if you keep silent. It's possible that he doesn't even know that he's doing something hurtful. You could express frustration over his changing habits, maybe just let him know that it's hurtful when he says things negatively or just hangs up.

      Try to avoid using blaming language like "you" and instead focus on "I": instead of "when you do this it's hurtful" say something like "I feel this way when this happens".

      Just because he was a good and caring friend in the past doesn't mean that you have to put up with his negative behavior. It is possible that he has some stress in his life and he's trying to take control and this lashing out at you, but that doesn't mean that his actions are fair or right.