Should I come out?

    • Should I come out?

      Alright, so I'm a guy and I've been dating/hooking up with girls for a while now. Im definitely into girls, and the more I think about it the more I think I'm into guys too. Im unsure though, because I've never really had a strong crush on a guy and I've never actually made out with one. Should I try to covertly hook up with a dude so that I know for sure? Or should I go with my gut and come out now?
    • Are you wanting to come out to your parents? Or to your friends, or both?

      In my opinion there no set time to come out about your sexuality, but the best is really only when you feel you are ready. If it's to your parents who you want to come out to, then I suggest you talk first with your Mum as mothers by rule tend to stand behind their children. If your she is understanding, then she will say when to tell your dad. Or, she might say to hold on a while so she can talk to him first.

      If you want to come out to your friends, be choosy who you confide in. Talk to your best friend, one whom you trust the most. You may be feeling vulnerable about telling friends, but I ask you this - why the pressure to come out? There seems to me at least these days, many people feel they have to tell others about their chosen sexuality when really, their sexuality is completely their business and not anybody else's. Don't be in too much of a hurry. After all, you have a great many years ahead of you yet. Just ponder carefully and weigh your options because some people can be homophobic, and the last thing you want is to get hurt.



      Sometimes the best memories people make, are new ones.
    • Thanks! Really good advice. It's weird because both of my parents are really progressive and wouldn't care and the same goes for most of my friends, but I still really nervous about going public for some reason. But I like what you said that there's no reason it has to be public. I just hope it doesn't change the way my friends act around me, they may be progressive but internalized heteronormativity affects everyone so their uncounscious minds might have strong reactions. I guess that's all I'm nervous about, I've been cultivating these strong friendships and I don't want them to change. But if they're really good friends then they won't change. It's just scary regardless, and it really shouldn't be but it is.
    • Well, you can reassure your friend that your coming out will not change your relationship with them. If they are the same gender as you, reassure them that you're not trying to turn the friendship into a sexual relationship. If you don't want anyone else to know about coming out, then ask your friend to keep the news a secret. Be prepared though, that others may eventually find out about your news. Again, you should never have to feel under any pressure to come out. This is your decision, and your decision alone.

      Your parents being progressive, or 'liberal' should be fine, then. I honestly don't see a problem there. Find a quiet moment to tell them, say something along the lines like this: "Hey Mum / Dad, I have something I want to tell you and I’m no sure just how to say it. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am as a person and I’d like to talk to you about it." After starting this line of conversation, get to the point.

      In declaring your sexuality to family and friends, you shouldn't pressure anyone for a reaction or ask their acceptance. Like any of your friends, your parents will need time and space to think about what you've told them - even if they are progressive. Your having told them, go make a pot of tea or some coffee and go chill.


      I know that first time coming out is scary, and I expect there will be some dickhead idiots who act like an ass making derogatory remarks. But there again, you will know who your friends really are, and those who matter. And this brings to mind the great Dr. Seuss when he said,



      "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."


      So true. 8)



      Sometimes the best memories people make, are new ones.
    • AccessDenied wrote:

      Are you wanting to come out to your parents? Or to your friends, or both?

      In my opinion there no set time to come out about your sexuality, but the best is really only when you feel you are ready. If it's to your parents who you want to come out to, then I suggest you talk first with your Mum as mothers by rule tend to stand behind their children. If your she is understanding, then she will say when to tell your dad. Or, she might say to hold on a while so she can talk to him first.

      If you want to come out to your friends, be choosy who you confide in. Talk to your best friend, one whom you trust the most. You may be feeling vulnerable about telling friends, but I ask you this - why the pressure to come out? There seems to me at least these days, many people feel they have to tell others about their chosen sexuality when really, their sexuality is completely their business and not anybody else's. Don't be in too much of a hurry. After all, you have a great many years ahead of you yet. Just ponder carefully and weigh your options because some people can be homophobic, and the last thing you want is to get hurt.

      AccessDenied wrote:

      Well, you can reassure your friend that your coming out will not change your relationship with them. If they are the same gender as you, reassure them that you're not trying to turn the friendship into a sexual relationship. If you don't want anyone else to know about coming out, then ask your friend to keep the news a secret. Be prepared though, that others may eventually find out about your news. Again, you should never have to feel under any pressure to come out. This is your decision, and your decision alone.

      Your parents being progressive, or 'liberal' should be fine, then. I honestly don't see a problem there. Find a quiet moment to tell them, say something along the lines like this: "Hey Mum / Dad, I have something I want to tell you and I’m no sure just how to say it. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am as a person and I’d like to talk to you about it." After starting this line of conversation, get to the point.

      In declaring your sexuality to family and friends, you shouldn't pressure anyone for a reaction or ask their acceptance. Like any of your friends, your parents will need time and space to think about what you've told them - even if they are progressive. Your having told them, go make a pot of tea or some coffee and go chill.


      I know that first time coming out is scary, and I expect there will be some dickhead idiots who act like an ass making derogatory remarks. But there again, you will know who your friends really are, and those who matter. And this brings to mind the great Dr. Seuss when he said,



      "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."


      So true. 8)
      Totally agree ... :)
    • Without having to reply, just reading through these helped to relieve stress. I decided to come out to friends and best friends (as bisexual) yesterday (read without an account first). Most of my friends are guys so they haven't changed around me, if anything has brought me closer to my friends than I ever was. My straight female friends have for the most part stop talking to me.

      But to be fair I don't think it should change my outlook on life at the minute because im already stressed enough about my judgmental family do not yet know. Th anks for being helpful even though you haven't said anything to me. Its helped a bit. :) :) :thumbsup: :thumbup:
      M3TAM0RPH 0UT
      Peace :thumbsup: