Am I depressed or is it something else?

    • Am I depressed or is it something else?

      The last two or so years of my life were very tricky, as was under extreme stress from exams and went through a short period of undiagnosed bulimia which I recovered from late last year. However, despite struggling with those personal issues, my day to day life wasn't affected, yes I felt very down and unhappy a lot of the time, but i kept it well hidden and didn't have any physical signs of depression like insomnia or appetite loss. I was and remain successful at school, have nice friends and a loving family, enjoy sports and music ect. But things just weren't and still aren't quite right.
      Now i'm at a time where there isn't anything that should be causing me to be unhappy, and its not even that i'm sad, it's just that things still don't feel right and nothing sums up. I can laugh, smile, have fun, get excited, have a great time with my friends. No one could ever tell that anything was up. And despite not thinking about it or being affected by it every day, there always seems to be a little sort of nudging feeling that things are just not right. I feel so confused a lot of the time, when i'm alone in particular, about my life and who I am and I question why i can't just get on with it without this nagging feeling. Most of the time, despite forgetting about it, I feel foggy and kind of dream like and I almost feel as if my emotions are a bit more dulled. I normally have very low self-esteem.

      One day I feel fine, the next day I just don't. That's what I find the hardest about it-when i'm feeling a little lighter I just rationally view it and tell myself; there isn't any way I could be depressed, because hey, I feel totally normal right now. But then suddenly, out of no where, I will have a few days where I won't have that same bright perspective. I will feel a bit dull and foggy, a bit off. And then there's the days where i really do feel awful-unmotivated to do anything, socially withdrawn, self-hating, unable to put time into perspective, foggy, lost and confused. These days appear before I get my period (PMS) and I have been to the doctor to tell her that I feel "awful" during these times, so she suggested the pill, I dismissed it and that was that, forget about it, try and move on with life.

      The truth is, I'm dying to move on with my life. I feel like I need to snap out of this weird thing i'm going through but no matter how hard i try, I can't. It's the fact that I still can be and often am happy, excited, optimistic but the way I experience these things is totally different to how it once was, when I was normal.

      There's a day to day hidden but frequently appearing sense of confusion about absolutely everything, a constant light sort of fogginess, frequent dulled emotions, a lack of understanding about anything or why i feel like this. I always think back to when i was younger and realise that back then, I never felt like this for even one day. I just felt like myself, without confusion or questioning, without fogginess, I cried when I was sad about something and when I was happy, i was truly happy. But for the last 2 years, I haven't felt like myself-I'm more like a distant ghost of myself.

      So, I guess my question is, what the hell is going on here? I'm a functioning human being, I think rationally, I can achieve, my life should be just fine. But I'm confused. Why why why do I feel confused?
    • i actually don't really know why you're debilitation's are this extreme but... maybe find something to strive for? like... um gardenning if you're into that, or... just get a hobby? or a pet! pets are great at soaking up bad vibes and making your life happy :) just keep yourself absolutly occupied, even hallenge yourself to do it :), speaking of which there is this personality challenge that's neat to try, (especially if you're cyclothymic(me)) where you um, every day act COMPLETLY different to the previous day, like... adopting a different groove or something, eg one day you're a person who lol just fake laughs at everything or then next you're a guy who's muscles are to heavy and you have to waddle everywhere... it's silly yeah but it could make you smile :D peace and blessings <3
      One does not simply taste Jade's flavour.
    • What you are going through is called life. We all have the feelings and days and emotions the everything you have described. Life can be so confusing and haunting at times.
      I really think things will improve for you. If you are truly in doubt then maybe if you consulted with a phycologist and sought out some help there maybe they could better help you find answers to your questions.
    • The ultimate happiness is the acceptance of the truth of life and a calm mind. This cannot be obtained if we are spending all the time for pursuing it, you should find the treasure of our life from your insights. The moral goal of life is peace, and the secret of happiness is the realization and acceptance of the present life with contentment. A peaceful mind plays a key role in a happy and healthy life. There are different methods to get a peaceful mind, this includes awareness, positive thoughts, sleep, etc. (spring.org.uk/2013/04/the-peac…-feeling-relaxed-fast.php). Practicing alternative methods such as yoga and meditation or getting mental health treatments like therapies will also help us to maintain a healthy mind without regrets and worries.

      Worries are useful only if it itself is able to transform into a healthy solution for the problem that we are worrying about. Nonproductive worries (senseless worries which are increasing our trouble, but not helping to solve it) should be eliminated from our thoughts. If we are able to get the real perspective of life, then we can enjoy our life without any regrets or stress.

      Think positive and be happy!
    • Late reply, but.

      It's possible that you do have less severe depression, or you're just going through a strange period. I just wanted to address the symptoms you mentioned not having - not everyone with depression gets insomnia, or appetite loss. In fact, a lot of ppl w/ depression usually want more sleep than less, but of course there's a lot of depressed ppl who don't have consistent sleeping problems. Depression can also be associated with overeating too, instead of loss of appetite, both, or none. So not having them doesn't necessarily mean you don't have depression.

      It sounds like you just want to move forward in life but something perhaps out of your control is stopping you, but I'll leave it up to your discretion as to whether you think that indicates depression. Some people with depression can function just fine (myself for example, it used to be obvious but I've grown enough to be able to appear just fine, and I'm pretty cheerful generally so outward appearances don't always mean much) and no one will know, too. Just wanted to clarify that you don't always need to have those symptoms to have depression, so in case you actually do or end up developing it, you don't write yourself off. Good luck with everything!