I blame myself entirely for this problem. I allowed a simple insecurity to develop to the extent it perverted my perspective on relationships and women. For some reason, I feel embarrassed and slightly ashamed about wanting or actually getting a girlfriend. I see the creation of a romantic relationship as a form of submission, where you forsake a portion of your freedom, emotional stability, and individuality to fulfill a simplistic and mindless desire. I experience attraction all of the time and I'll reflect on how weak and helpless I feel, that another mere human can have so much power and influence over me, especially if I consented to a relationship with them. If I did that, then the embarrassment factor would come in. Everybody, including my family, would see that I couldn't help but succumb to this scarring bondage. They'd all anticipate emotional stress to overcome me as I might have to stay away from her for long periods of time, question her trust, or go through a breakup, the most humiliating defeat of this whole thing. They'd see me as a mindless pawn, captive to my emotions and stupid desires. As you can probably tell, this mindset made my romantic life horrible. Never had a relationship nor a female who was just a friend. One part of me hates myself for this, while another feels proud! I'm only 18, so I still have time, but I just seem so deep into this state of mind that a relationship seems to good to be true.

Thank you.