What the hell just happened?!

    • What the hell just happened?!

      Good day, my name is Walid, I'm a 15 year old Tunisian boy. I don't know how to start this
      since my social skills are just... horrible, I can't find another word to describe how bad I am at
      communicating with other human beings. Anyways I'm currently suffering a lot, I'm experiencing a
      really bad depression/anger attack, I'm losing control of myself, I'm begging for God to help me
      I'm begging him for mercy, I feel horribly bad for not doing my religious duties because of my
      disgusting procrastination, physical fatigue, lack of interest in pretty much anything, constant
      boredom and depression. I want to tell you a quick story, or maybe a theory on how this all started.
      3 years ago, I used to be an amazing little kid, I was top of my class, I was popular, people really
      liked me, I had friends that I used to enjoy our activities together, I used to always pray, fast
      and do all my religious duties until the next year things have started to change. I don't really know
      how to exactly explain what happened but, I started to have really horrible times, I started becoming
      timid and really shy, my social skills majorly decreased, so did my self-esteem, even my relationship
      with people, who started to become jealous of me (I think so) and hating me, mocking me trying to be
      superior than me, and I didn't know how to defend myself, I got bullied many times by more powerful students and that kept
      happening for more than 1 year and a half. I've had enough of it, but I couldn't fight back, I couldn't
      do anything about it, so I started blaming it on myself, partly on my parents for not engaging me in
      social contact with people of my age when I was younger even though I did have some friends, and they
      let me stay at home for as long as I wanted, sometimes letting me skip lessons (that was like 10 years
      ago). And I started to become psychologically unstable, I was having tons of questions that I didn't
      for some reason get them out of my system, existencial questions, religious ones and more. My parents
      didn't understand what was going on with me, they try to reason with me but I couldn't go with it,
      they sometimes get mad at me and we had fights even with my sister (6 years older than me). At school
      my skills have decreased, I couldn't answer any questions asked by my teachers, I started to have bad
      grades, and at the end of last year I started calling my dad to bring me back home because I was too
      scared from more social contact, I couldn't study or anything either. So, I took a year off school,
      and I started checking therapists and psychiatrists, even a sophrologist that my current doctor
      told me about, I started having suicidal thoughts so I had to try many medicines that my psy
      told me to get, none of them had any effect on me, actually they made things worse, they gave me a huge
      appetite for food and I gained a lot of weight, and they caused me to become physically tired (constantly).
      We went through many theories about my case me and my psy, and I couldn't get any help. I started having these
      attacks, that unfortunately we found no cure for, my parents couldn't help me, the hospitals here
      are like freaking Arkham Asylum from Batman, which means they are just... disgusting and horrible
      to stay in. I was just lost. Oh I forgot to mention that I was a Gamer back then, right now, I even
      lost my passion for games, which is the only activity I used to do, so I find myself in a void with
      nothing to do, and I started having alot of demands for my parents. My dad kept buying me what I wanted
      but It didn't help me, it just brings temporary joy and then it fades away. Anyways that's where I'm
      at now, I found out about this website by doing Google searchs and I really look forward to getting
      help. Thx for taking your time to read this all, hope somebody can help me... tell me why everything has gone
      to freaking hell n why it all flipped over... Well nobody can exactly know why but I'm looking for any kind of
      help, even more questions about myself and theories could be helpful from other peeps.
    • Okay... Thanks I guess. Anyways screw all that crap I just wrote, I think it's better that I deal with all that with my psychiatrist. Let me just share with you a recent problem I'm dealing with that MAYBE somebody here can help me with : I recently broke up with a... kind of an "old" friend of mine, who has been acting really weird for the past weeks, he's been talking about his probs while I tried to help him out by any means necessary, and I also shared with him my own crap that I gotta deal with and he just kept telling me to "stfu" and be "sane". He's been also acting really greedy for money (btw he's not an irl friend I'm just friends with him on Steam). One more thing he kept telling me that he just REALLY loves me and by that he means like... real freaking love, he told me he's Bisexual, well I was okay with ALL that I told him that I've got a gf and "it wont keep us from being real friends" which is... I'm not sure that's the best reply but eh... what can my stupid ass non-existing social skills do? NOTHING HELPFUL. Anyways it ended when he just deleted me from all his friends lists. What I'm worried about here is that he's an admin of a server on an app called Discord, and I've got a lot of friends on there, I'm kinda scared that he somehow turns them all against me and I end up getting freaking cyber bullied if real life bullies weren't enough... So how do I deal with this? Take your time to answer me if you can't today it's fine by me.
    • No srsly how the hell would that help me? He even blocked me on every single app. Nobody's taking anything seriously here aren't they...? Not saying that this forum is bad or anything, I'm not gonna give up anyways, might even find some new peeps to talk with it seems pretty cool around here but, can I actually get some real help??