Hi everyone, I've just registered as a new member because I really feel the need to talk about my situation. Please bare in mind that this might be a very long message so don't bother reading it if you think you will stop halfway through it. I also want to issue a warning that this story does contain some details that are maybe not suitable for some of the younger users here so consider yourself warned.
When I was younger, I was on a local teen forum where I meant a girl who I will call Julia. She was 15 years old at the time and I was 17 years old. She had posted a story about one of her friends who was suicidal, I just happened to stumble on it, I was inspired to write a long message on her forum post and we soon bonded. We then quickly learned that we live in the same area and a few months later we agreed to meet in real life. Fast forward to 5 years later, I'm now 22 about to graduate from college and Julia is turning 20 in a few days. We've been close friends for several years now, she knows me inside out and vice versa. There was never any taboo topics between us, we've talked about drugs, sex, masturbation, farts, politics, feminism, you name it. What I've always liked about her is her ability to discuss rationally about certain things even if we sometimes had to agree to disagree. She is not like other girls her age, she is not very involved on social media, never tried to show off, never looked to be popular, never had the "hey look at how awesome my life is" mentality. She is also very introvert, doesn't talk a whole lot, doesn't text me often unless I text first, doesn't show much emotion (I've never seen her cry or be outraged). Looking at it now, I am definitely a little more invested in the friendship than she is but I was never bothered by it because deep down I know that she cares even if she doesn't have a habit of showing it. I guess that's just the way some people are, I don't hold it against her.
When we first met in real life, I already knew that Julia was an out lesbian, she has never hidden the fact that she likes girls and since I've known her she was involved in two long-term relationships. She first realized she was into girls when she fell madly in love for a girl at the age of 14. It's quite unlucky because both of her relationships were long-distance, she only could see her girlfriend once every 2-3 weeks during the year and I could see the effect it had on her. Even for me it's been a little strange because since we met I only get to see her about 3 times per year because of our busy schedules and also the fact that we now no longer live in the same area. I've honestly never had any romantic feelings towards Julia, she just wasn't my type and I was totally fine with us being friends, knowing that she wasn't into guys anyways.
About 2 years ago, we had a night out in town (dinner + bar). It was just a few months after she turned 18 which made it even better. As usual, we talked about a lot of things when for some reason I don't quite remember I asked her quite bluntly : "So, have you ever sucked cock"? Obviously, I wouldn't have asked this question if I had known her for 5 minutes but given everything we've talked about in the past, I knew she wouldn't be mad that I asked. Surprisingly enough for me, she answered "Yes" and proceeded to tell me how shortly after her 18th birthday she was sitting on the couch at her student's apartment with this guy from her program. He started fondling her, she let him do it, one thing led to another and they eventually had sex. I was quite intrigued and a little shocked that it had gone this far so we talked about it for a while before we both headed home. Later that night, I began thinking about what she told me. What was initially curiosity turned into anger. Even though she said she enjoyed the sex, I felt bad for her that she lost her virginity that way and I was also pissed off about it. Then again, I knew that she could never be in a serious relationship with a guy so there was a good chance she would casually lose her virginity to some random guy out there. Call me selfish but I’ve always thought that if she were to have sex with a guy, that guy should be me and that way we could both have our first time together no strings attached. My personal situation was a little tricky back than because I was still a virgin and never had a girlfriend. To this day, I’m still a virgin and I never had a girlfriend even though I'm 22 years old. I've had a couple of dates with girls I met on Tinder but it never went any further than that. Either, the girls didn't know what they wanted or they simply weren't interested in dating me. Right now, I'm texting this girl and I'm not even sure it will lead to anything more. 2 years after Julia lost her virginity, I still haven't lost mine and I still realize that for some odd reason I cannot get over these facts (Julia losing her virginity to a guy and me still being a virgin and single). I find myself thinking about it once in a while. What the hell is wrong with me?? Is it jealousy? Envy? Frustration at my own desperate and pathetic situation? I can’t figure it out, maybe you guys will. I really need all the advice and help that I need.
When I was younger, I was on a local teen forum where I meant a girl who I will call Julia. She was 15 years old at the time and I was 17 years old. She had posted a story about one of her friends who was suicidal, I just happened to stumble on it, I was inspired to write a long message on her forum post and we soon bonded. We then quickly learned that we live in the same area and a few months later we agreed to meet in real life. Fast forward to 5 years later, I'm now 22 about to graduate from college and Julia is turning 20 in a few days. We've been close friends for several years now, she knows me inside out and vice versa. There was never any taboo topics between us, we've talked about drugs, sex, masturbation, farts, politics, feminism, you name it. What I've always liked about her is her ability to discuss rationally about certain things even if we sometimes had to agree to disagree. She is not like other girls her age, she is not very involved on social media, never tried to show off, never looked to be popular, never had the "hey look at how awesome my life is" mentality. She is also very introvert, doesn't talk a whole lot, doesn't text me often unless I text first, doesn't show much emotion (I've never seen her cry or be outraged). Looking at it now, I am definitely a little more invested in the friendship than she is but I was never bothered by it because deep down I know that she cares even if she doesn't have a habit of showing it. I guess that's just the way some people are, I don't hold it against her.
When we first met in real life, I already knew that Julia was an out lesbian, she has never hidden the fact that she likes girls and since I've known her she was involved in two long-term relationships. She first realized she was into girls when she fell madly in love for a girl at the age of 14. It's quite unlucky because both of her relationships were long-distance, she only could see her girlfriend once every 2-3 weeks during the year and I could see the effect it had on her. Even for me it's been a little strange because since we met I only get to see her about 3 times per year because of our busy schedules and also the fact that we now no longer live in the same area. I've honestly never had any romantic feelings towards Julia, she just wasn't my type and I was totally fine with us being friends, knowing that she wasn't into guys anyways.
About 2 years ago, we had a night out in town (dinner + bar). It was just a few months after she turned 18 which made it even better. As usual, we talked about a lot of things when for some reason I don't quite remember I asked her quite bluntly : "So, have you ever sucked cock"? Obviously, I wouldn't have asked this question if I had known her for 5 minutes but given everything we've talked about in the past, I knew she wouldn't be mad that I asked. Surprisingly enough for me, she answered "Yes" and proceeded to tell me how shortly after her 18th birthday she was sitting on the couch at her student's apartment with this guy from her program. He started fondling her, she let him do it, one thing led to another and they eventually had sex. I was quite intrigued and a little shocked that it had gone this far so we talked about it for a while before we both headed home. Later that night, I began thinking about what she told me. What was initially curiosity turned into anger. Even though she said she enjoyed the sex, I felt bad for her that she lost her virginity that way and I was also pissed off about it. Then again, I knew that she could never be in a serious relationship with a guy so there was a good chance she would casually lose her virginity to some random guy out there. Call me selfish but I’ve always thought that if she were to have sex with a guy, that guy should be me and that way we could both have our first time together no strings attached. My personal situation was a little tricky back than because I was still a virgin and never had a girlfriend. To this day, I’m still a virgin and I never had a girlfriend even though I'm 22 years old. I've had a couple of dates with girls I met on Tinder but it never went any further than that. Either, the girls didn't know what they wanted or they simply weren't interested in dating me. Right now, I'm texting this girl and I'm not even sure it will lead to anything more. 2 years after Julia lost her virginity, I still haven't lost mine and I still realize that for some odd reason I cannot get over these facts (Julia losing her virginity to a guy and me still being a virgin and single). I find myself thinking about it once in a while. What the hell is wrong with me?? Is it jealousy? Envy? Frustration at my own desperate and pathetic situation? I can’t figure it out, maybe you guys will. I really need all the advice and help that I need.
