I feel dirty

    • I feel dirty

      hi again lol so... ugh
      I'm bi, I have known i was bi for like 2 years, i'm 16 nearly.

      so quite literally an hour ago I had a lot of firsts with this guy from my swim
      team. He told me he was bi and we were in the park talking about random
      stuff and I was talking about how baby oil makes your body shiny and
      glistening and it also makes a great massage oil lolololol yup. we went to my house in
      my bedroom and I stripped (omg don't judge me) and let him rub me down with this oil stuff,
      it felt great and then he started to like i dunno. Then he was rubbing my "member" and i
      just kissed him on the cheek and then we tongued for less than 10
      seconds. Once i took my mouth away from him, I WAS DONE. I left the
      bedroom and went right in the shower to rinse off the oil and just clean
      myself to oblivion. Then I brushed my teeth and filled my mouth with
      mouthwash to my mouth's capacity. I felt dirty, filthy, disgusting, and
      horrible on the inside. He was the first to see me naked, rub me and
      massage me, finger, handjob, and tongue kiss me. I had a horrible sense
      of judgement, I regret it to the fullest even though i didn't lose my
      virginity, I have been regretting it every second. Since i've been back
      home, i've cried my eyes out, screamed in a pillow, submerged my head
      underwater in my backyard pool, and just sat and put my head down in
      total emotional agony. I feel like sh*t.

      I tried to reach my friend who ii gay and has dealt with losing his
      actual virginity, but he is unavailable. I heard about this site
      because I've been looking for forums for bi teenagers like myself, so I
      finally joined after this moment today and this is like my fsec post.

      Can someone who knows what i'm feeling reply on this thread and help me feel better, give me insight, tips, idk ANYTHING please.

      Because so far, the past hour, i've been doing this and if I wasn't crying then I really wanted to.
      also if you're against bisexuality just move along ;(

      FUCK THAT WAS HARD TO WRITE ;( ;( ;( ;(
      sorry for swearing too
    • awww honey ;( ;( ;( ;( ;(


      ok so... that w.... sex is full of connotations and ideas ok, both good and bad, in our society. It's not uncommon to feel that sex is dirty, wrong, or bad, especially when we have it outside the context of a loving relationship (and even that isn't proof against that feeling). But a lot of those
      ideas are wrong, or at least not entirely correct. You feel dirty after this, but sex doesn't leave a taint, a mark upon someone who has it. It
      can be pleasant or unpleasant, but either way, the only mark it leaves is a memory. You may want to try and analyze exactly why this experience left you feeling the way you did. Was there an element of nonconsent, of feeling drawn into it without control? Was it that you enjoyed it and felt wrong for enjoying it? Was it that it was sex and sex feels inherently wrong? There's plenty of possible reasons for feeling as you do my honey :'(, and all of them are perfectly valid, if not entirely healthy (well, except the nonconsent one, which is the natural and very much appropriate reaction to such an experience and i'll fucken murder the guy who made you feel that way if you feel this way).

      ok so to repeat: you are not tainted by this experience. It doesn't, and needn't, define you. you are fucken gloriously fine ok, just... ^
      One does not simply taste Jade's flavour.
    • poor bro ;( My advice? First and foremost, RELAX BRO, relax relax relax. If your first sexual experience didn't go precisely how you thought it would, that just means it joins the ranks of, oh, 99% of all people's first sexual experiences. :) Second, I would urge you to contact the guy. Tell him you're sorry if you sort of freaked out on him, but this was your first time, and you felt really weirded out after you were done. Thirdly, give some more thought to your expectations. Would you have felt differently if the encounter had went differently? What might you do next time to help ensure that the experience goes more smoothly?

      simply let the experience settle, i'm proud you can talk about it ^^
      Hopefully, we can get you feeling a bit calmer, and better about the entire thing. :)
      6/5/16 - The date i became permanently in love :lovey:
    • Bby you know that sex is a game about trust and willingness, and when a rule is broken it becomes easily regrettable. I have been there before and you know I have. But experiencing new things also is a journey to self discovery- finding out what you find to be enjoyable for you. Don't sweat it, everyone is different and communication is key to successful relationships. When you get into a serious relationship, or even if it's just a fling, talk it out with your partner and become comfortable with one another before delving in too deep. I promise you it'll save you a lot of confusion and post sex remorse/ guilt.
      Your local trans-Jewsh aliensexual meme lord has arrived