I need help

    • Hi guys. My name is Taylor and I'm new to the site. I'm here because I need help. I'm struggling, and my entire life has gone to Hell. In the past year, I've tried to kill myself multiple times, but now it's back and worse than ever. I'm going to give you a run down of everything that's happened since like, September 2016, in the hopes that at least one of you will be able to help me...

      I live in the UK, and in September last year, I got taken away from my mother, stepfather and brothers, because my stepdad had been sexually, mentally, verbally and physically abusing me for over 10 years and I finally got the courage up to tell someone. I was 17 then. I got put in foster care, and for a while things were OK. It was only after Christmas that I started to feel really angry and empty all the time. I used to get mad at my foster carers for nothing, and then I'd self harm and try to kill myself. At the time, I was having a lot of panic attacks and passing out, and I kept passing out at college one day so they called an ambulance. My foster carers effectively locked me up for a week and took my phone so I couldn't let any of my friends know what was happening. Anyway, the day after the ambulance was called, I tried to kill myself. I wrapped every item of clothing around my face and tied stuff around my neck to try and kill myself. One of my carers walked in and stopped it, but I ended up in hospital because of it. After that, things were still bad for a while but they started getting better around February this year.

      My best friend made me download a lesbian dating app called 'Her', and I matched with this girl called Sophie who only lived an hour and a half away from me (better than the other side of the world like my ex), and we started talking. She came down to my city for a concert and we started dating. I love her. I have for months, and she said she loved me too, but she broke up with me last week. Her reason was that her head is really fucked up and she doesn't want to hurt me any more than she already has by pushing me away. We are still friends, and she says that we can get back together when she's better if I still want to, but her head is really fucked up. She's cutting and taking tons of diet pills, and she doesn't need them. She was only 7 stone when I met her, and she's 20... I'm spending so much time still worrying about her, because we go to the same theatre group so I stay at her house every Thursday to Sunday. I was actually at her house a few days ago. She wanted to go out clubbing with some of our friends, so she did. I forgot my passport for ID so I stayed at her house. Now, she gets really emotional when she gets drunk, even though she's the last thing from a lightweight you would ever see, so I decided to stay up until she got back to make sure she was OK. I got tons of nasty texts from her phone telling me to 'back the fuck off', and 'go die in a hole' and I thought they were here at the time so I was really upset. She was still sober when she got back with our friend Joe and her other friend, so I asked her about it and was really angry, but it turned out that other people had been on her phone all night so she couldn't text me to tell me how she really felt (her friend didn't like me). So I apologised for overreacting and we went to bed. She felt uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed last week, so she made me sleep in the bed while she slept downstairs on the couch; she can be the most stubborn person I've ever met. It was around 6 in the morning when we all went to bed, so I fell asleep right away. I woke up around 9 because I heard screaming downstairs. It was her friend, saying that I was a psycho and she was going to kill me. I locked the bedroom door and went back to sleep. I woke up again in mid afternoon and went downstairs to get a drink and when I got into the kitchen someone pushed me and pinned me to the floor and started cutting my wrist up with a knife. It was her friend, and she was going to kill me, but Sophie's dog bit her and I managed to get up and hit her. The only reason I'm alive rn is that dog. Sophie doesn't know and I'm not planning on telling her; they've been best friends for 15 years and I know her friend will say that I'm lying so I'm not putting me and Sophie in that much risk...

      On 17th May, my little foster brother died. He was five years old. True, he did have severe disabilities (couldn't walk well or talk or anything) but he was really getting better. He went to a special place to help improve, and he was starting to run around and talk clearly and stuff like that, and then suddenly I got home one day and nobody else was there. I don't have a house key so I had to sit outside in the rain for four hours. I was really angry when one of my carers got home, but she told me about Connor and I understood that she'd just driven from the other side of the country after going to visit him. It broke me. I was closer to him than I ever was to any of my birth family. It was his funeral this past Wednesday. It was a beautiful service but it's hard and I'm struggling.

      As well as a life time of abuse by my stepdad, I also got raped when I was 5. I recently got back in touch with my auntie and uncle, and my mother's side of the family (she cut them off years ago), and me and Sophie went to the coast with them. On the way back, we were looking at old baby photos of me and my biological brother. We didn't know who his father was, so as a joke I asked my auntie if she knew, and she said we all had the same dad. I know my real dad, so I thought she meant him, but she didn't. She meant the father of the guy who raped me. It turned out that my mum slept with his dad, had him and then dumped him with his dad before I was born, and that guy's dad is my real dad. Which comes as a real shock, because I thought he was only a friend...

      Please guys. I need help...
    • IF you are of legal age to go out on your own and make legal decisions for your self, then, you need to commit yourself to a mental hospital for your physical safety itself. Therein you can figure something else. Otherwise, go to the police and declare yourself insane. You obviously are, however temporary. Or, go find a doctor or hospital which will get you to a safe place. More safe than where you are as you say it all is. Self declare and complain and get away. THEN plan on making you a new independent you ... some how. GUARANTEE NOTHING but something new to you and away from all of 'them'. Go to the cops if you must. You need a safer place to be . ... . and you need to get you into a making you into a new you ...---... MAYDAY
    • well first off I would never keep secrets from anyone that I was dating... never! And for her best friend to do something like that to you, you have to tell the police like if she killed you what would or could you do? It doesn't seem like youre in a safe environment and I would try and just take a break from those people including your girlfriend just to think about things. Sometimes this may help, otherwise you need to sit down and talk to someone you trust about this and get proper advice of what to do in this situation, but if this friend of hers keeps doing stuff like this then I'm afraid you may just have to leave her. As much as I don't like to say it, but otherwise you may not get better and recover from what shes done to you.

      I'm sorry to hear about the loss, I would just try and sit down and talk to close relatives about it and maybe your friends, otherwise you may want to just get out more, though first I would recover from the problem which is hurting you the most.

      As for the dad thing, I have a similar-ish problem, like my biological dad is not my real day in a manner of close, gives support, and stuff like that and my dad (step dad ) is the most supportive person other than my mother I've ever met. At first I really didn't like it, especially when I found out they were getting married. But once I got closer to him, it seemed more normal, and to be honest I don't even talk to my biological dad anymore, and you don't have to either.. especially if all above is true, like just because he's your biological dad, that doesn't mean you owe him anything or even have to like him, especially if you have someone else you can talk to about your feelings.

      Sorry for the long post, but I'm sure this may help in some sort of way. All the best and whatever happens, think positive and keep your head high, and keep smiling. This always helps you and me happy and feeling good. It helped me in times when I was a little depressed, so maybe it could help you too.;)