I’ve known this girl for about two years now. I’m 15 and we both met in school, she’s in the year below me. She’s funny, a little awkward around other people at times but we’re close enough now that I’m happy to think she’s open and relaxed around me. She’s gone through a lot. She doesn’t have the most supportive mother, she self harms and she’s attempted suicide more than once. She’s been hospitalised the most recent time it has happened. The last time affected me more than I thought it would. I couldn’t stop thinking about her before and since she tried to... i’ve been non stop thinking about her and worrying about her and just texting her or going up to her in school whenever I can.
She’s a beautiful girl, she could have anybody she wanted. One night I had my heart set on asking her out on a proper date, going out somewhere nice taking her out to eat. In the end I just asked her if we could move the our friendship onto something more. I’ve asked her this in the past but this time I think was more serious than the rest. She told me she couldn’t handle a relationship now because of everything that has been going on (mentioned above). So I asked her “so that’s a definite no? because if it is, that’s fine.” with the intent of completely moving on knowing she doesn’t have the same feelings for me as I have for her. I’m mature enough to get that. But then she replied with “not right now, not any time soon. But i’m not saying never”. And it’s been playing with me. I’ve told my friends what she said and they’ve all told me she’s trying to play with me, giving me a false sense of hope for something that won’t be there, but I don’t believe them.
A friend from my year had a party last night. The girl is in the year below me and so all my friends at the party were a year older than her. But she was set on coming anyway. This was after I’d asked her out. She came and it was a decent night, had some fun I guess. Now, I don’t drink but everyone else at the party did, including her. As I mentioned before she’s extremely attractive and she could have anybody she wanted. She ended up “getting on” with a couple people, including a girl, which I thought I would be fine with, but it just keeps repeating in my head everything that happened, everyone she kissed, it’s killing me. At the party I sat down with her and she sat on my lap and told me “you do know it’s all for show, I’m just trying to fit in” and I told her I understood. She asked “if you don’t want me kissing her (the girl she kissed) then why didn’t you say anything?” I told her that I wanted to but I didn’t want to look so overly jealous that I didn’t let anybody near her. We hugged for a while and she looked me dead in the eye and asked me “do you love me” I answered yes. She got up, got some more drink, and carried on the party. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her again.
I don’t know if I’m using this just to vent or to actually ask advice. I guess if I were to ask advice it would be, what should I do? I honestly love this girl. She’s amazing, her smile gives me life, everytime she speaks to me my heart just beats faster. I’ve had people tell me I only love her with my eyes and what I see but I honestly see that second. She’s an amazing person but I just don’t know whether I should wait and see if she actually wants a relationship in the future, or to move on and forget about her in a relationship-way.
If you’ve bothered to read through all this rubbish then thank you and I’d really like to hear some opinions of what I should do.
She’s a beautiful girl, she could have anybody she wanted. One night I had my heart set on asking her out on a proper date, going out somewhere nice taking her out to eat. In the end I just asked her if we could move the our friendship onto something more. I’ve asked her this in the past but this time I think was more serious than the rest. She told me she couldn’t handle a relationship now because of everything that has been going on (mentioned above). So I asked her “so that’s a definite no? because if it is, that’s fine.” with the intent of completely moving on knowing she doesn’t have the same feelings for me as I have for her. I’m mature enough to get that. But then she replied with “not right now, not any time soon. But i’m not saying never”. And it’s been playing with me. I’ve told my friends what she said and they’ve all told me she’s trying to play with me, giving me a false sense of hope for something that won’t be there, but I don’t believe them.
A friend from my year had a party last night. The girl is in the year below me and so all my friends at the party were a year older than her. But she was set on coming anyway. This was after I’d asked her out. She came and it was a decent night, had some fun I guess. Now, I don’t drink but everyone else at the party did, including her. As I mentioned before she’s extremely attractive and she could have anybody she wanted. She ended up “getting on” with a couple people, including a girl, which I thought I would be fine with, but it just keeps repeating in my head everything that happened, everyone she kissed, it’s killing me. At the party I sat down with her and she sat on my lap and told me “you do know it’s all for show, I’m just trying to fit in” and I told her I understood. She asked “if you don’t want me kissing her (the girl she kissed) then why didn’t you say anything?” I told her that I wanted to but I didn’t want to look so overly jealous that I didn’t let anybody near her. We hugged for a while and she looked me dead in the eye and asked me “do you love me” I answered yes. She got up, got some more drink, and carried on the party. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her again.
I don’t know if I’m using this just to vent or to actually ask advice. I guess if I were to ask advice it would be, what should I do? I honestly love this girl. She’s amazing, her smile gives me life, everytime she speaks to me my heart just beats faster. I’ve had people tell me I only love her with my eyes and what I see but I honestly see that second. She’s an amazing person but I just don’t know whether I should wait and see if she actually wants a relationship in the future, or to move on and forget about her in a relationship-way.
If you’ve bothered to read through all this rubbish then thank you and I’d really like to hear some opinions of what I should do.