Cousin problems

    • Cousin problems

      So this is something I really need to get out of my mind.
      I have this cousin. She is my age, an 18 year old girl. We're the only girls in our family. And therefore, we often get compared. Like all the time, and we are not alike at all!
      She likes to smoke, have tatoos piercing and stuff, and I don't do that! My problem is, that so many of my other family members are just like here, and that leaves me feeling kinda excluded and not accepted at all. I just feel so bad about myself, like I'm not good enough. And I know that it's not true, and that it's childish and stuff, but I just can't help myself.
      I've had so many issues with my self-worth in my life, and my dad is also very sick, Sometimes, I just feel so out of control you know? Like, I just don't wanna be in it anymore. Everytime the family is gathered, I just feel so bad about myself.
      She often also talks shit about me, like she wanna change my hair, do my makeup, and so on. She critizised my confirmation, which is something that was so badly!
      I just, need space. And now she's got a boyfriend, and I really should be feeling happy for her but I will not be in it anymore. I feel so low, so behind. So not enough.
      I know that one day, I will also have someone like that but I don't wanna act all nice and fake anymore. I'm so done.
      But on the same time, I don't wanna be that kinda person, who is like that. Ofcorse I want her all the best, I know she also has good traits. It's an inner circle, I need to find peace with myself. But I can see again and again, that it's driving me mad, and making me feel like the "black sheep."
      I'm really thinking about quitting the family, and just cutting the contact. I just, I'm not like that. What do you think? Be honest with me, I just need honesty. This world is so filled, with so much hate and fakeness, and I can take the truth.