Please don't judge me.

    • Please don't judge me.

      I am 19year old masculine skinny short 5ft3 tall freckled face thin lips green eyes redhaired lesbian . People call me ugly alot of the times, and also make jokes about my looks. Ever since I was 10 people always call me names. Since childhood I have suffered taunts about being ugly,short and masculine. I suffered the worst bullying in middle school, It was torture. I've never received compliments on my looks. It's like my whole life is a struggle because of this. I never feel great or like a winner. I keep no pictures of myself. Sometimes I'll take some with my laptop's webcam or my cellphone, and when I look at them it's really painful. I've taken pictures from every angle and every single one of them looks terrible. Some lesbian girls I've known for a while seem attracted to me, flirt or invite me to activities, but I remember how they looked at me the first time they saw me, and it just kills it for me. Maybe I'm vain and shallow. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do.

      My other problem is that I am more sexually attracted to heterosexual ultrafeminine tall curvy attractive women. They turn me on. All the girls I gotten far with were not my physical type. I just did what a lot of other short skinny ugly dykes seem to do and adjust to what the market has to offer.One of the things I've noticed over the years is that I'm always attracted to heterosexual tall curvy ultrafeminine older women that I know are unavailable. For me the, taller a woman the better. I feel immensely attracted even standing next to tall,curvy, feminine women.

      Please try not to judge me too much as this forum is supposed to be accepting and non-judgemental. I randomly walk up to tall curvy attractive feminine women and start touching their breasts or butt.
      I've also been known to do it to strangers too. Most just laugh and are probably flattered that you thought their boobs/butt worthy of a grab. I act like its all a big joke, laugh, etc. Some women make it clear they don't like it, but i act like that's part of the joke, too. I hate myself for taking pleasure in touching,rubbing and groping women, but i find it hard to stop myself. I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping my type of women(tall,curvy,attractive,ultrafeminine). I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. I have the greatest trouble thinking rationally when i am around my type of women. If I see a tall woman with big breasts on high heels walking down the street I will be aroused. Small breasts don't really do it for me. Every time i see tall feminine woman walking around with big massive breasts & butt cheeks swaying all over the place i lose control. I gravitate toward my type of women like fruit fly on a banana. .


      Usually i approach random women . seemingly perplexed, and touch their breasts or butts the same way someone might pat a pregnant lady's belly.Usually they are too shocked to say anything about it right then and there. And I guess that is my power - the stealthy and quick assault. These women my "victims" are physically stronger than me. I am just a skinny, short, tiny, 19 old girl.Standing next to these women i look like a midget. Only one woman punched me in the face. My friends are so amazed by "how I touch boobs and butts like a ninja," or how I'm a "master groper."

      I've posted it on here in the hope someone can understand me instead of just judging me. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to tall curvy attractive ultrafeminine older women.. Please don’t be grossed out. I feel so guilty. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. I am ugly. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. .I am not tough and strong. I am short and skinny. I am not intimidating.I am physically completely harmless. I feel so much guilt over this. What do you think I should do about it? This is really hard for me. I feel this overwhelming urge to touch and grope random tall curvy feminine women and it is for sexual gratification. This has been going on for over three years now. The most distressing is the fear that I am or will become a sexual predator. I spend lots of time every day ruminating over why I cannot be a pervert sexual predator, and why I could be. At times I'm convinced I'm a monster. I guess the point of writing this is to see if anyone can relate and set me at ease -- even for a little while! What's happening to me?

      I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. Im confused and my mind doesnt stop. I really worry that Im going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste anyones time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me?
    • I would suggest maybe not take pictures of yourself, maybe don't even look in the mirror if you don't like how you look (unless you need to fix your hair or something like that). :) Maybe don't even think of how you look but focus on your personality, your character, in other words be a beautiful person on the inside.

      Please don't touch other people in a personal way. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone invaded your personal space and touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. Even if you ever did meet a tall, curvy, beautiful woman who was a lesbian/bi, she might not want to date you if you touch people inappropriately.

      If someone laughs after you've grabbed their breasts or butt, it may be a nervous laugh because they're uncomfortable, not because they're flattered.

      Some men say it's hard to stop their inappropriate behavior towards women, also, but they manage somehow when a cop is near so I think we have more self-control than we sometimes give ourselves credit for.
      You're not completely harmless. You do harm. Isn't it bad enough we have to put up with some guys groping us? You're a woman - you're better than this. You know what it would feel like if someone touched you in a way that you didn't want to be touched.
      When you look in the mirror and see someone who's "ugly", could it be your actions that you see as "ugly"?


      I would suggest putting your hands under your armpits when you get the urge to grab someone or maybe talk to a counselor or therapist who could help you understand yourself better and help you with your self control.
      Free from:
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      ~~ Happy Day. ~~ :hugs:
    • teenhut.net/members/207478-pauline/ Thanks so much for your reply. I've posted it on here in the hope someone can understand me instead of just judging me. Has anyone else been through anything similar? I am a horrible person. I feel like such a bad person. The thought that I could be a sexual predator makes me crazy.

      I keep asking why me. Why I have to be such a pervert? I feel so dirty and guilty. I just hate myself. Now I'm convinced I'm a perv and a sexual freak. Why am I like this? Why? I do get away with groping all these women all the time, simply because they let me. Most of them laugh uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation. Usually they are too shocked to say anything about it right then and there. Also i am groping and rubbing these women in a joking/playful way. Most of these women just laugh or they make stupid faces while i am groping them.

      Only one woman punched me in the face 20 months ago September 2017. This woman is really tall like 5ft11 and she has huge breasts. I walked up to her at super market parking lot and said to her "Wow! Your breasts are sooo large! Can i touch them" AS i was already grabbing and squeezing them! She got mad and punched me in the face. Then she pushed me and she left. I don't think I look "threatening". I am masculine and ugly but i am just a 20year old short skinny tiny girl. I am not intimidating.I am physically completely harmless. I think i'm really ugly. I think i am just exceptionally unattractive or have some sort of defect in my demeanor and there's nothing i can do about it. What do you think? Am I creepy? (yeah I guess so)I am basically looking if someone could help me to cope with this … I just don’t know what to do.

      Please try not to judge me too much. My other problem is that since I am more sexually attracted to heterosexual ultrafeminine tall curvy attractive women. They turn me on. All the girls I gotten far with were not my physical type. My earliest sexual fantasies were about Mariah Carey.
    • L Rae wrote:

      I dont think you should touch womans tits you'll get into trouble one day,I think you are very brave and you sound nice looking my older best friend has red hair freckles as well and shes rely nice looking,
      I am actively seeking help.

      This forum is helpful to me, I would like to let everyone know I am a human being capable of and wanting to change. My actions are illegal and wrong - AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!

      But the thrill I get from groping,touching and rubbing attractive, tall,curvy,well endowed,ultrafeminine older women is so powerful. It makes me feel invincible -- it makes me feel like I might never have to feel ashamed or insecure again. Maybe I am a monster -- and maybe I like that. Often when my hands are on my type of woman i get groinal responses. I know you can't help feelings of arousal, but what bothers me is i worry about letting myself enjoy them. So i feel like since i get my feelings of arousal from the groinal responses then i'm abusing these women . Is this normal or am i horrible?? I think i'm a monster. Now I'm feeling like a total creep.

      My head is telling me I'm a total monster and deviant. Do you think these women are seeing me as a total monster or am I just short,skinny, ugly,weird dyke. I hate being turned on by groping random women and I can't seem to stop myself! I promise myself "I swear this is the last time!!" only to do it the next day or 2 weeks from then. I feel I am such a horrible person. Why am I such a horrible person? My mind is so confused right now and feel like a mess.
    • pauline wrote:

      I would suggest maybe not take pictures of yourself, maybe don't even look in the mirror if you don't like how you look (unless you need to fix your hair or something like that). :) Maybe don't even think of how you look but focus on your personality, your character, in other words be a beautiful person on the inside.

      Please don't touch other people in a personal way. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone invaded your personal space and touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable. Even if you ever did meet a tall, curvy, beautiful woman who was a lesbian/bi, she might not want to date you if you touch people inappropriately.

      If someone laughs after you've grabbed their breasts or butt, it may be a nervous laugh because they're uncomfortable, not because they're flattered.

      Some men say it's hard to stop their inappropriate behavior towards women, also, but they manage somehow when a cop is near so I think we have more self-control than we sometimes give ourselves credit for.
      You're not completely harmless. You do harm. Isn't it bad enough we have to put up with some guys groping us? You're a woman - you're better than this. You know what it would feel like if someone touched you in a way that you didn't want to be touched.
      When you look in the mirror and see someone who's "ugly", could it be your actions that you see as "ugly"?


      I would suggest putting your hands under your armpits when you get the urge to grab someone or maybe talk to a counselor or therapist who could help you understand yourself better and help you with your self control.
      Thank you. I am very grateful to you. Thank you for reading this, sharing has helped me already. I see myself as this hideous creature. How can I consider that what I see when I see myself is wrong? I do know is that when I look into the mirror I am disgusted. I am not just unattractive. It's something else. When I see people who aren't very attractive I don't really notice or care. They are just people and they look fine. I haven't seen anyone who is TRULY hideous. But with me it's like an abnormal sort of unattractiveness. It's like my features don't coordinate and I get confused just looking at myself. I feel like I SHOULD look different.

      This community(where i live) is very liberal and has a high ratio of gays/lesbians in proportion to the overall population. Since middle school I've not experienced any hatred or lost friends here because I'm lesbian. And I'm openly lesbian. I don't know why, but for some reason I'm strongly attracted to heterosexual ultrafeminine tall curvy women. The reality is deep inside I know that i am hideous looking , every time I walk past a mirror I feel a pang in my heart as I'm reminded what everyone else is looking at . Being an ugly short skinny masculine soft butch lesbian just leads you to a viscous circle which if your lucky enough will break one day but otherwise you will be in a dark pit for a lot of your life . I'm about 5'3", and when I'm out and about and look around myself on a typical day, most people seem well and truly taller than me (including women). I feel a kind of resentment, over having been born this height, identifying as a lesbian and being attracted to women, none of which I regard as my choice. I also feel envious of tall butch lesbians.

      The very thought of politely expressing my affinity for tall curvy attractive ladies seems to go along the lines of me being a freak or perv with a tall curvy woman fetish. Am I only allowed to be attracted to ladies my height or shorter? Seems very restrictive. I like them all but prefer them tall. Is this wrong? By the way, this has been an issue for me since I was 11. My earliest sexual fantasies were about Mariah Carey.