Please don't judge me.

    • Please don't judge me.

      I am 19year old masculine skinny short 5ft3 tall freckled face thin lips green eyes redhaired lesbian . People call me ugly alot of the times, and also make jokes about my looks. Ever since I was 10 people always call me names. Since childhood I have suffered taunts about being ugly,short and masculine. I suffered the worst bullying in middle school, It was torture. I've never received compliments on my looks. It's like my whole life is a struggle because of this. I never feel great or like a winner. I keep no pictures of myself. Sometimes I'll take some with my laptop's webcam or my cellphone, and when I look at them it's really painful. I've taken pictures from every angle and every single one of them looks terrible. Some lesbian girls I've known for a while seem attracted to me, flirt or invite me to activities, but I remember how they looked at me the first time they saw me, and it just kills it for me. Maybe I'm vain and shallow. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do.

      My other problem is that I am more sexually attracted to heterosexual ultrafeminine tall curvy attractive women. They turn me on. All the girls I gotten far with were not my physical type. I just did what a lot of other short skinny ugly dykes seem to do and adjust to what the market has to offer.One of the things I've noticed over the years is that I'm always attracted to heterosexual tall curvy ultrafeminine older women that I know are unavailable. For me the, taller a woman the better. I feel immensely attracted even standing next to tall,curvy, feminine women.

      Please try not to judge me too much as this forum is supposed to be accepting and non-judgemental. I randomly walk up to tall curvy attractive feminine women and start touching their breasts or butt.
      I've also been known to do it to strangers too. Most just laugh and are probably flattered that you thought their boobs/butt worthy of a grab. I act like its all a big joke, laugh, etc. Some women make it clear they don't like it, but i act like that's part of the joke, too. I hate myself for taking pleasure in touching,rubbing and groping women, but i find it hard to stop myself. I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping my type of women(tall,curvy,attractive,ultrafeminine). I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. I have the greatest trouble thinking rationally when i am around my type of women. If I see a tall woman with big breasts on high heels walking down the street I will be aroused. Small breasts don't really do it for me. Every time i see tall feminine woman walking around with big massive breasts & butt cheeks swaying all over the place i lose control. I gravitate toward my type of women like fruit fly on a banana. .

      Usually i approach random women . seemingly perplexed, and touch their breasts or butts the same way someone might pat a pregnant lady's belly.Usually they are too shocked to say anything about it right then and there. And I guess that is my power - the stealthy and quick assault. These women my "victims" are physically stronger than me. I am just a skinny, short, tiny, 19 old girl.Standing next to these women i look like a midget. Only one woman punched me in the face. My friends are so amazed by "how I touch boobs and butts like a ninja," or how I'm a "master groper."

      I've posted it on here in the hope someone can understand me instead of just judging me. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to tall curvy attractive ultrafeminine older women.. Please don’t be grossed out. I feel so guilty. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. I am ugly. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. .I am not tough and strong. I am short and skinny. I am not intimidating.I am physically completely harmless. I feel so much guilt over this. What do you think I should do about it? This is really hard for me. I feel this overwhelming urge to touch and grope random tall curvy feminine women and it is for sexual gratification. This has been going on for over three years now. The most distressing is the fear that I am or will become a sexual predator. I spend lots of time every day ruminating over why I cannot be a pervert sexual predator, and why I could be. At times I'm convinced I'm a monster. I guess the point of writing this is to see if anyone can relate and set me at ease -- even for a little while! What's happening to me?

      I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. Im confused and my mind doesnt stop. I really worry that Im going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste anyones time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me?