I have sucidal thoughts and actions. I’ve been writing to myself about the possibilities there are, and that has been helping. I wanted to make this thread for y’all to do the same on this platform. Who know maybe I’ll just be the only one in the comments writing letters

Dear lyla,
I hat how people call me a teenager. They call me such a teen. Such an anxiety teenager. It ain’t attitude, I’m just upset. And I have things that I should be able to be upset about. It’s crazy that I can’t share my opinion without being beaten down about it. I don’t like talking. I don’t like it all. I stay in my own head, where I belong. I want you to be able to speak up. I want you to change and not be scared of talking. I believe in you.
-lyla

Dear lyla,
I know you are afraid of the dark, but sometimes you just need to be brave. Place one foot in front of the other as you tell your story with confidence. You are not a possession lyla. No one has the right to treat you like one. Don’t feel pressured to do something that you don’t want do (yes unoriginal). Don’t fell guilty for not giving him what he wanted. You are better than that
-Lyla

Dead lyla,
I’m realizing that you are the only one who will ever use this thread, but by the end hopefully you can look back on it and see your progress. You did well today. You knew you could do it, and you did it. It was fulfilling in the moment, and still makes you feel kinda good. You haven’t done well in a long time, and it was nice to feel that winning felling again. But you know as well as I, there is a challenge coming up very soon, but I need you to remember how well you did today, and even if you don’t do well then, it’s okay. It’s about having fun and getting new experiences. A story to tell later on. You can do this.
-Lyla

Dear lyla,
Please do not cut tonight. It doesn’t solve any problems. I understand that things can get worse, but we need to remember that you want them to get better. For them to get better, you need to work for it. You had a great day and you can’t let a few things said let that get in the way of your happiness. Lyla, you matter.

-Lyla

Dear lyla,
You just want to cry, and that’s okay. Cry. You feel like no one wants you, and I feel that way too. The way he doesn’t look back, or how you ask him if he wants you and it takes him time to answer. I’ve upset him to the point of not wanting me. I should just kill myself now and be put out of misery. He was the only one I thought still wanted me, and now he doesn’t. It just feels like lies.
-Lyla

Dear lyla,
You sit in your room, with scissors and paper towels right in front of you. You have took off your jacket, revealing your other scars, and you picked up your phone. You are ready to see the blood as is drips down. You fix your posture, and stop writing

-lyla

Dear lyla,
Your arms are bumpy from your feeling cuts, today, the boyfriend you love so much hurt you. He stopped after you said no, but you had to be the one consoling him. He gets sexual pleasure out of hurting you, yet gets so sad when he hears you cut yourself. I don’t know what to do. I really do love him, and I feel safe when we’re just laying down at the park and I’m in his arms. It is the best feeling, it fills you up inside. Today that almost happened again, but he started to run his fingernail up and down your skin aggressively. It left red marks. I feel like we can never go back to what we had with him, because now he just wants sex. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it, it is the reason his is so upset at me all the times. People think I’m sad or depressed because my dad is an ass to me, no, I don’t care about what he thinks. But I love my boyfriend so so much and I just want to see him happy. I can’t give him the pleasure he wants. Well I can, but it makes me shut down. Every time we sneak somewhere to do aiming out of a pg13 rating, I always feel the need to cut after. I feel empty in the inside, all Dulles out. It makes me hope for death, tie a noose, and almost hang myself. Obviously I haven’t lulled myself yet since I’m writing this, but it’s a struggle. I’ve already talked to my boyfriend a lot about how I’m not into when he is aggressive with me, and he has been less lately. But does that still make it okay? I know you’ll make it through this.

-Lyla

Dear lyla,
Hey, I feel like it’s been a while since you felt like this. I don’t know why, your day has been good. You went to school, and things started off fine. He couldn’t even look at you in one point in the day though. I think that’s what started this spiral. Yesterday was tough for you too, but you caught off the urges. I’m proud of you for that. I think what mess with you mind most is when he gives you one word answers and doesn’t look you in the eye, the. You go to class, and shen you come back it’s like all kissy and happy again. Or when you tell him and he says “I know” sarcastically. I feel unwanted and unloved. Not just by him. There was a kid who killed him self yesterday Alina school district like me. Thought that maybe I would be like that kid. Who tied a noose and hung from the ceiling. Maybe I am already that kid at heart. It’s almost happens before. It still could. I just feel empty. When I was at practice and I was listening to music and dancing along, I felt content. But now,after I had to shower while my dad was in the other room, I feel cared once again. I know it’s not the answer, but I might cut myself again today. Just add on to the scars that might never go away. Hang in there.

-Lyla

Dear lyla,
You feel like you got in one. I highly sought that is true. Sometimes your feeling just get so much larger than facts. Maybe you just don’t want the people’s who are willing to try to help help. Wow that sounds stupid. One is mad at you and the other you don’t really trust anymore. I just want to stop. Stop dealing with my emotions, with others, maybe just stop breathing. That sounds really nice. Death sounds really comforting. You just cut more than you have ever done before, and you might cut anymore. I’ve lost control of you at this point. Girl, take some deep breaths. Try to talk to someone who understands. You might have to apologize a few times. Lyla, I live you and just want the best for you. Cutting or hanging yourself isn’t the answer, and you know that. Please take care of yourself.

-Lyla

Dear lyla,
I hate to say it, but I have given up. There is no reason for me to live any longer, I honestly think I’m going to kill my self tonight, or at least come really close to it. I might reach out for help. I’m not having the disorder to cut, but just to die. I don’t know if I’m going to see tomorrow.
Signing out
-Lyla