My life is crumbling

    • My life is crumbling

      So recently I’ve been really down, I cry a lot and I started to self harm a while back.
      School has been getting really stressful, exams are coming up and I no longer understand what is happening in class.
      I have a pretty large group of friends but I have trust issues so I don’t tell anyone about what I’m going through, including my parents.
      One of my friends asked me out a few days ago, I was scared to say no so I said yes and it just added to the stress.

      I’m constantly late for school and today my parents refused to drive me to school, so I refused to walk to school. It takes me 30 minutes to get there and there was 10 minutes to the start of class. Me being the idiot I am, thought it I better to stay at home rather than get to school late AGAIN and get shouted at. So I start making up excuses to stay at home and study (My parents are quite strict and never let me stay home unless I have a fever or food poisoning or am just overall horribly sick) my parents refuse like always and start shouting at me, at one point I have enough and start crying, I start to talk about how I hate school and how it only creates problems for me and about the situation with my new ‘boyfriend’ (which I talked about with my mum the day before). Eventually my mum allows me to stay home. Yay.

      I go to my room and remove my jumper forgetting I have somewhat fresh cuts on my arms. I take my school work which is a painting and go to the kitchen to work on it like my mum told me to do. I have to walk past my dad (he’s quite mean and tbh I’m kinda scared of him) and he starts telling me how when him and mum come back I need to tell mum about all the problems I talked about and how to fix them. I’m sure my dad glanced at my arm at some point and saw my cuts which I only realised after my parents left the house minutes later. I started panicking and crying even more (I never completely stopped crying throughout this whole ordeal).

      And now I’m here. Typing this cuz I have no idea what is going to happen. I can’t wear long sleeves right now to cover my cuts for when my parents come back cuz it’ll be kinda suspicious and I’ll get paint all over them, so I’m sitting in a short sleeve shirt. I’m still panicking and I don’t know what to do about all of this. I’m scared, I don’t know if my parents will ask about it.

      And I just realised where my parents went. I was worried about where they went. I remembered my mum said that she’ll go to my school to talk with my teacher today. My dad came along aswell which only means that they’ll get me in more trouble than I already am.

      My life is crumbling and I just want to kill myself before my parents come back.
      This may not seem like a big deal or a bad situation but to me it’s the end of everything. Please help.
    • Hey.

      Sorry to hear you are in pain. I understand you are scared to talk about the things hurting and stressing you, but it´s the only way others can help you. If your parents love you and are not totally dumb, they should be able to listen. If your dad scares you more, try talking to your mom again. It´s ok, if you cry. That happens when you are hurt. Be open about your feelings and, if you can tell, about what´s causing them. Ask your parents for help and advice. Together you can work out ways to calm things down.

      If you have problems in school, maybe home tutoring can help. Maybe it´s enough if a friend from school helps you studying.

      I don´t know how fresh your cuts are. If they are fresh, mend them. And be carefull not to get color in them. Maybe you don´t care about that at the moment, but you are important and should be save.

      I hope everythings going to be ok! Wish you the best luck!
      curious open-minded short but not so short guy from Germany. open for conversations/PMs, all topics, all ages, all genders
    • I am definitely too late on the reply, since you needed to hear it before your parents got home. But it’s good Benni90er replied. I agree with everything he said.
      I know what it’s like to avoid something because I don’t want to get in trouble. I used to put off my homework, and then because my parents would get mad at me if I started it late I would just not do it to avoid that. They would only know at the end of the year when my report card came back.

      With your friend the boyfriend. My advice is use the cop out that you are sorry you thought you were ready to date but you have realized that you just aren’t ready for dating yet, not just with him but with anyone. That you wanted to try but maybe in a year or 2 you will be ready to try again.

      Teenage years are incredibly stressful. They are so many pressures on top of so many changes, but just put your head down and keep moving forward, surprisingly things do gradually fall into place and you’ll make it out the other side. Your feeling are legit, you it can feel like it’s too much, but just keep putting one foot in front of the other.