Theres this girl. She is my best friend. I know more about her than she does, and vice-versa. We talk every night. She is beautiful. I cant stop thinking about her, even when I try. Any day I dont see her makes my heart break. any night i dont talk to her is worse. I long for 4th period where I see her for the first time of the day. I would do anything for her. My eyes light up any time I hear her, or her name, or see her. Im always trying to be close to her.



What does this all mean?

Thats not a good thing. Theres lots of controversy about that. I dont want to. because It would most likely end up with hurt feelings and confusion. just bad in general

The only thing is, we talked about this. If and When we date other people, we cant be best friends. I dont want to lose her and she doesnt want to lose me. But we cant, and we know we cant. Thats just the way people are...

I cant sort out my feelings. i dont know what im feeling. based on what I said, what does it mean?
Its just a question...

Is it just "the hots"? Or is it something more? I already know I liked her. Its a long, complicated story.

okay, Ill tell you all the story.

transfered schools. Met her. We have the same interests (Band, sports, Music, humor, ect.). So bad timing on my part, while I was flirting with her, she really liked abother guy. Bad move by my part, I helped her try to get that guy. I just want her to be happy.

So when the guy said he didnt like her, she was devastated. I was there for her. A week or so later I told her I liked her. She was telling me that im perfect in every way, but she just didnt feel the same. So we talked more and more. We became best friends. We talk every night. We hug eachother when we see eachother, or just randomly during the day.

So, a while ago, we were talking and she always says its her fault I dont have anyone. At that time I still thought I could change the way she thinks about me. I was an idiot. I ended up telling her that I still liked her and in the process made her cry because she said she cared so much about me and wanted to like me, but just didnt feel it.

So fast forward to this last month or two. I know everything about her. Still talking every night. Better friends than ever. She tells me im perfect and that she doesnt know why she doesnt like me. Thats was a month or so ago. Within the last month, she has been thinking about messing around (Which, in my opinion, would lead to a relationship) but she is always debating it and thinking about it, and she is scared to do it. Hah, we talk about everything, from how her day was to dirty things. Lately, the dirty things have come up more. She says shes been thinking about it more. But she is still unsure. Weve talked about how she looks and she complains (I dont know why) and I always tell her she is beautiful and shes in denial about herself. And how I look, and she always tells me I have nice abs and am in like, perfect shape (Which im not. Ugh, love handles...) Thats been going on more recently. But im usually the one to start it.

so ive been talking to her about all of this. I was having a bad day a couple days ago, a whole combination of things, and I told her what was up, and mentioned me not having a girl.

these are her exact words:

"Im sorry. Its also my fault you dont have a girl."

Me - "Why is it your fault"

"Um well because.... It just is..."

Me - "because why?"

"Um just because. I feel that it is my fault. There is like no reason we shouldn't go out....And yet..."

Me - "Its not your fault. Its just the way you feel"

"But im confused about what I feel. Wait, enough about me. Back to you"

and we continued the convo that started, about my bad day.


Another thing we talked about was not wanting to lose eachother. We realized that if I get a girlfriend or she gets a boyfriend, we can really be best friends anymore. People wouldnt understand. Its fucked up, but thats the way the world is. She told me im the person who knows the most about her, who she tells everything to. And I told her the same thing. I told her That not having her in my life would kill me inside. And she agreed. She said that it would hurt her too much. And that the thought of it happening, slowly talking less and less, made her want to puke.

Hahah, really?

well we talked about it last night. apparently everyone says we should be together, and keeps telling her that. I havent mentioned anything to anyone. So we aren't done talking about it, but basically she asked if i still like her. i told her the truth. I dont know. I do. But I dont want to. Because I dont want to hurt her. And I dont want to make her feel bad or make things awkward. She said somewhat to the effect of "awwww thats sweet" and told me im not making her feel bad. she said its her fault, im right in front of her and she wont take it. She said she thinks something is wrong with her, like everything is there, and she should, but she doesnt. I told her its just how she feels, just like its just how I feel. And she said she doesnt know what she feels. She is confused and unsure. She said, in a perfect world, what would you have? I told her the truth. Her. She asked about other people ive mentioned before. I said no. Her. She thought that was really cute. So now I dont know. I think we are going to talk about it more tonight. But I told her seeing her makes my day. She makes me happiest in the world. And she told me the same thing. So idk. I dont know whats going to happen.