I’m 17 now and a straight A student going to university in Canada.
I was born on an island in the Caribbean where my family were some of the most powerful people there. Preschool for me was ok because I was like everyone else. Primary school however I was treated differently, teachers would make the entire class greet me when I came in and the other children realized I was the only Indian kid there. When I was in about grade 1 the volcano blew up and I did not go to school for about a year until I went to another island.
In my new school in 1st grade I only played with my cousins because they were the only ones I knew and I had not been talking to kids my age for a year. By the time I reached 2nd grade my aunt took my cousins away because she did not like them playing with me so I felt alone and just sat by myself until about 5th grade where a new kid came along and I made friends with. However by the end of 5th grade he had to leave the school because of a disease (he started running into trees at first and then in the end chased me with a wooden plank full of nails) and spent 6th grade alone.
The high school I went to was one of the most run down, violent, and all black public ghetto schools on the island and me being from the family which ran the island things were not good. My first day of 7th grade when no one even knew my identity I had ghetto girls grabbing my ass, being called a white man (I’m Indian...), quite allot of my stuff got stolen and was not placed on the cleaning roster by the teacher. An incident in 7th grade (2nd week of school) which followed me until the day I left was when a group of girls came around and started to grab my ass and kiss me, I got angry and punched one of them in the face. Afterwards I started to hyperventilate and the principle lashed and suspended them. This incident made people laugh at me from just walking past them.
In high school I had no friends and all I learned in how to socialize was to be as cold as possible in order to get through daily routines of being stopped and threatened for money, made fun of by my teachers in class (they also tried to mess with me by changing my grades), watching for people trying to steal from me and trying to steal back what they took. Therefore I don’t know how to talk friendly to people and hold a conversation (it always feels either awkward when I try or like a business transaction when I do it my way)
My family was also very cold at home everyone would lock themselves away and my dad would make me study an hour after I got home until I went to sleep. Family gatherings were also not friendly, kids (not to many of us) were just made to sit down and listen to the adults talk politics.
Now that I’m finally in Canada where everyone lives and expresses themselves so freely I find I just can’t do the same. The only group of guys I ended up getting into was one with a bunch of ex drug dealers from Trinidad and I don’t like even feel like I fit in with therefore I’m trying to leave so now I’m still alone. Let me just say i have been trying to fit in with alot of other people but no matter what i do nothing works.
I`m not trying to just sound like I’m whining I just feel the need to express myself because I can’t go to any therapist since if any of my family found out I would do in a whole lot of shit. Don’t mind the grammar I was not paying any attention to it.
I was born on an island in the Caribbean where my family were some of the most powerful people there. Preschool for me was ok because I was like everyone else. Primary school however I was treated differently, teachers would make the entire class greet me when I came in and the other children realized I was the only Indian kid there. When I was in about grade 1 the volcano blew up and I did not go to school for about a year until I went to another island.
In my new school in 1st grade I only played with my cousins because they were the only ones I knew and I had not been talking to kids my age for a year. By the time I reached 2nd grade my aunt took my cousins away because she did not like them playing with me so I felt alone and just sat by myself until about 5th grade where a new kid came along and I made friends with. However by the end of 5th grade he had to leave the school because of a disease (he started running into trees at first and then in the end chased me with a wooden plank full of nails) and spent 6th grade alone.
The high school I went to was one of the most run down, violent, and all black public ghetto schools on the island and me being from the family which ran the island things were not good. My first day of 7th grade when no one even knew my identity I had ghetto girls grabbing my ass, being called a white man (I’m Indian...), quite allot of my stuff got stolen and was not placed on the cleaning roster by the teacher. An incident in 7th grade (2nd week of school) which followed me until the day I left was when a group of girls came around and started to grab my ass and kiss me, I got angry and punched one of them in the face. Afterwards I started to hyperventilate and the principle lashed and suspended them. This incident made people laugh at me from just walking past them.
In high school I had no friends and all I learned in how to socialize was to be as cold as possible in order to get through daily routines of being stopped and threatened for money, made fun of by my teachers in class (they also tried to mess with me by changing my grades), watching for people trying to steal from me and trying to steal back what they took. Therefore I don’t know how to talk friendly to people and hold a conversation (it always feels either awkward when I try or like a business transaction when I do it my way)
My family was also very cold at home everyone would lock themselves away and my dad would make me study an hour after I got home until I went to sleep. Family gatherings were also not friendly, kids (not to many of us) were just made to sit down and listen to the adults talk politics.
Now that I’m finally in Canada where everyone lives and expresses themselves so freely I find I just can’t do the same. The only group of guys I ended up getting into was one with a bunch of ex drug dealers from Trinidad and I don’t like even feel like I fit in with therefore I’m trying to leave so now I’m still alone. Let me just say i have been trying to fit in with alot of other people but no matter what i do nothing works.
I`m not trying to just sound like I’m whining I just feel the need to express myself because I can’t go to any therapist since if any of my family found out I would do in a whole lot of shit. Don’t mind the grammar I was not paying any attention to it.
