Okay, so. My best friend, Natasha, and I have this other friend, named Sarah. We met her through GameStop, where both I and Natasha's fiance work. So, we started hanging out with her a few months ago. Not long after we started hanging out with her, she asked my husband and me to go to Japan with her this fall. We thought it would be fun, but we knew we probably wouldn't have the money, so we said maybe. She took this as a yes, and we started planning the trip. About a month later, it became incredibly apparant that we would not be able to afford this trip, and we told her so. About the same time, her parents' divorce was made final. Sarah changed pretty much completely.
She started being really mean to me (but in a joking way, you know?). Like she would tell me my face was stupid (we do a lot of the "your face" jokes as a group because we're immature like that) or say that nobody liked me or whatever. But since she was just joking, and it was obvious, I brushed it off even though it made me feel kind of bad. But then she started getting really mean to TJ (Natasha's fiance). Like...REALLY mean. Not joking mean. She decided that he was stupid and didn't take anything he said seriously and would constantly put him down. Then she started flirting with Brandon (my husband) and a couple other guys we are friends with (all but one of them is in a relationship).
After a while of this, nobody wanted to hang out with her anymore because being around her was just causing negative vibes for everyone. But instead of just ditching her, Natasha and I decided to talk to her, because she wasn't like that when we first started hanging out, and we knew that it wasn't that she was a bad person, it was that she was going through a lot of stuff. So we wanted to see if we could help her figure things out.
So we went to Sarah's apartment, and the three of us walked around her neighborhood for a while and talked about things. Sarah talked about how she had been feeling depressed lately because of her parents' divorce and because she felt like she was so far behind everyone else. She said that she felt like everyone was leaving her behind because I'm married and Natasha is engaged, and everyone is in relationships, and she is older than all of us (she will be 23 in June. Most people in our group are about 22. I am 19, and Natasha is 20). We talked a lot about things and told her we were willing to help her and listen, and when we left at about 3 that morning, we thought things were maybe going to be better.
Well...the next morning, Sarah told Natasha that she felt like we ganged up on her, and that if she wanted help with her problems, she would get it herself. So we thought, okay, whatever, that didn't work. However, she did stop being as mean to people, and she doesn't flirt with people anymore. So it helped in that aspect...
But now, she is just constantly down on herself, and she whines all of the time. I went shopping with her on Monday, for example, and the whole time we were there, she talked about how fat she was, how ugly she was, and how nothing looked good on her. And then she'd tell me how unfair it was that I was so skinny and could fit into anything, and she'd get all pouty if I looked at something cute. But then, within seconds, she'd switch to giggly and happy, we got my hair cut and found a dress for my husband's graduation next month, and she was all "oh, this is so cute, you should get it!" with no negativity. Like, in no time flat. She is very much like my sister, who is bipolar, but we don't know if that's what's up with Sarah.
She gets really upset when TJ and Natasha and Brandon and I hang out and don't invite her, but it isn't like we get the whole group together and just exclude her. The four of us go out to dinner or cook dinner for each other or whatever 4 or 5 times a week because we're really close. For a while we would try to invite Sarah, but every time we called she sounded really reluctant and would say "Well, I guess I can..." and then call back five minutes later and say she didn't want to. So, we stopped calling her.
The thing is, she's not a bad person. She is annoying sometimes, but it is really because she is going through some rough stuff. A couple of days ago, she posted some religious poems on Facebook, but they scared Natasha and me a lot. She shows a lot of signs of being suicidal, and we just don't now how to reach her.
We can't really reach her parents--they live in Chicago, and we live in Missouri, and we don't have any contact information. If we try talking to her again, she just gets defensive. We don't know what to do about it, but it is getting really frustrating and scary for us. And (I know this sounds horrible and selfish) Natasha and I and our respective significant others are in very good places in our lives, and we don't like having to deal with drama and negativity all of the time. It's to the point that we don't even want to be around Sarah, but we don't want to just stop hanging out with her because we know she has problems that need resolving, and just leaving would make them worse. We're considering calling a suicide hotline about it, but we don't know what to do about the situation. Help?
She started being really mean to me (but in a joking way, you know?). Like she would tell me my face was stupid (we do a lot of the "your face" jokes as a group because we're immature like that) or say that nobody liked me or whatever. But since she was just joking, and it was obvious, I brushed it off even though it made me feel kind of bad. But then she started getting really mean to TJ (Natasha's fiance). Like...REALLY mean. Not joking mean. She decided that he was stupid and didn't take anything he said seriously and would constantly put him down. Then she started flirting with Brandon (my husband) and a couple other guys we are friends with (all but one of them is in a relationship).
After a while of this, nobody wanted to hang out with her anymore because being around her was just causing negative vibes for everyone. But instead of just ditching her, Natasha and I decided to talk to her, because she wasn't like that when we first started hanging out, and we knew that it wasn't that she was a bad person, it was that she was going through a lot of stuff. So we wanted to see if we could help her figure things out.
So we went to Sarah's apartment, and the three of us walked around her neighborhood for a while and talked about things. Sarah talked about how she had been feeling depressed lately because of her parents' divorce and because she felt like she was so far behind everyone else. She said that she felt like everyone was leaving her behind because I'm married and Natasha is engaged, and everyone is in relationships, and she is older than all of us (she will be 23 in June. Most people in our group are about 22. I am 19, and Natasha is 20). We talked a lot about things and told her we were willing to help her and listen, and when we left at about 3 that morning, we thought things were maybe going to be better.
Well...the next morning, Sarah told Natasha that she felt like we ganged up on her, and that if she wanted help with her problems, she would get it herself. So we thought, okay, whatever, that didn't work. However, she did stop being as mean to people, and she doesn't flirt with people anymore. So it helped in that aspect...
But now, she is just constantly down on herself, and she whines all of the time. I went shopping with her on Monday, for example, and the whole time we were there, she talked about how fat she was, how ugly she was, and how nothing looked good on her. And then she'd tell me how unfair it was that I was so skinny and could fit into anything, and she'd get all pouty if I looked at something cute. But then, within seconds, she'd switch to giggly and happy, we got my hair cut and found a dress for my husband's graduation next month, and she was all "oh, this is so cute, you should get it!" with no negativity. Like, in no time flat. She is very much like my sister, who is bipolar, but we don't know if that's what's up with Sarah.
She gets really upset when TJ and Natasha and Brandon and I hang out and don't invite her, but it isn't like we get the whole group together and just exclude her. The four of us go out to dinner or cook dinner for each other or whatever 4 or 5 times a week because we're really close. For a while we would try to invite Sarah, but every time we called she sounded really reluctant and would say "Well, I guess I can..." and then call back five minutes later and say she didn't want to. So, we stopped calling her.
The thing is, she's not a bad person. She is annoying sometimes, but it is really because she is going through some rough stuff. A couple of days ago, she posted some religious poems on Facebook, but they scared Natasha and me a lot. She shows a lot of signs of being suicidal, and we just don't now how to reach her.
We can't really reach her parents--they live in Chicago, and we live in Missouri, and we don't have any contact information. If we try talking to her again, she just gets defensive. We don't know what to do about it, but it is getting really frustrating and scary for us. And (I know this sounds horrible and selfish) Natasha and I and our respective significant others are in very good places in our lives, and we don't like having to deal with drama and negativity all of the time. It's to the point that we don't even want to be around Sarah, but we don't want to just stop hanging out with her because we know she has problems that need resolving, and just leaving would make them worse. We're considering calling a suicide hotline about it, but we don't know what to do about the situation. Help?
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.