Lately i've been questioning my sexuality. I've had a girlfriend for the last 3 years. We've never done anything. We've hugged, held hands, nothing else. Haven't even kissed her yet. We grew up together, and I recently moved to a different state, but we decided to keep our relationship going. Seen her once since I moved 2 years ago, and was gonna kiss her then, but I had mono. Bleh.
Since I've moved here, i found friends easy to get. Small town, everyone friendly. Was immediatly drawn to a teacher. He was into a lot of the same junk I'm into (I love to camp, backpack, whitewater raft, rappel. Anything outdors that'll get my heart pumping) He was an all around cool guy. First day I was there (moved during school year) was in Chem class, and no one knew the answer to a REALLY easy question, so I answered it. From then on. I've been known as a genius around there . (I'm realy not THAT smart, I just pay attention) He seemed impressed, and recruited me to the Science Team. (Basically an academic team, but they only ask science questions) I found out that I was really good at that.
They asked a ton of questions about the periodic table, so I memorized what all the symbols were. That seemed to help, and improved my standings with him. he told me to memorze what number each one was, so I did. Impressed him more.
It wasn't until I got a job with him over the summer that I really thought that I liked him. was building a house with him. I started to learn more about HIM, and began to like him more. He isn't bad looking by any means. He is quite older than I am (Mid 40s). He became the first person in many years that I ever opened up to about anything. He listened, and really helped me through some really tough times. I've done the same in return for him. he is truly the best friend I have here.
Here's where my question comes in.
I've fantacized about having sex with him. A lot. He is the only guy that I have ever thought about that way. I don't think of any other guy that way at all. It scares me! I know that if he ever confronted me in the way I fantacize, I would absolutely refuse. If it makes any sense, I would love to have sex with him, but I would never. If he ever wanted to, I wouldn't. Am I going crazy? I still really like my girlfriend. But this guy is on my mind all the freaken time. he doesn't know anything about it, nor will he ever. When I'm around him, I don't think of anything like that, we just talk. The stuff I fantasize about doesn't even cross my mind. Its always later taht that comes to mind.
I really don't know if I'm gay or not. Could I be gay, but not homosexual? attracted to a guy, but will never have sex with them? Its not like I don't think about girls either. I don't stare at guys when they walk by, I catch myself staring at the girls with the nice racks, and nice butts. Its pleasant lol. Guess this adds to my confusion too.
I hope someone could shed some light on this... I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it.
Since I've moved here, i found friends easy to get. Small town, everyone friendly. Was immediatly drawn to a teacher. He was into a lot of the same junk I'm into (I love to camp, backpack, whitewater raft, rappel. Anything outdors that'll get my heart pumping) He was an all around cool guy. First day I was there (moved during school year) was in Chem class, and no one knew the answer to a REALLY easy question, so I answered it. From then on. I've been known as a genius around there . (I'm realy not THAT smart, I just pay attention) He seemed impressed, and recruited me to the Science Team. (Basically an academic team, but they only ask science questions) I found out that I was really good at that.
They asked a ton of questions about the periodic table, so I memorized what all the symbols were. That seemed to help, and improved my standings with him. he told me to memorze what number each one was, so I did. Impressed him more.
It wasn't until I got a job with him over the summer that I really thought that I liked him. was building a house with him. I started to learn more about HIM, and began to like him more. He isn't bad looking by any means. He is quite older than I am (Mid 40s). He became the first person in many years that I ever opened up to about anything. He listened, and really helped me through some really tough times. I've done the same in return for him. he is truly the best friend I have here.
Here's where my question comes in.
I've fantacized about having sex with him. A lot. He is the only guy that I have ever thought about that way. I don't think of any other guy that way at all. It scares me! I know that if he ever confronted me in the way I fantacize, I would absolutely refuse. If it makes any sense, I would love to have sex with him, but I would never. If he ever wanted to, I wouldn't. Am I going crazy? I still really like my girlfriend. But this guy is on my mind all the freaken time. he doesn't know anything about it, nor will he ever. When I'm around him, I don't think of anything like that, we just talk. The stuff I fantasize about doesn't even cross my mind. Its always later taht that comes to mind.
I really don't know if I'm gay or not. Could I be gay, but not homosexual? attracted to a guy, but will never have sex with them? Its not like I don't think about girls either. I don't stare at guys when they walk by, I catch myself staring at the girls with the nice racks, and nice butts. Its pleasant lol. Guess this adds to my confusion too.
I hope someone could shed some light on this... I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it.