I'm Going To Kill Myself

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:10pm

This is not a thread for you to talk me out of it. I am going to kill myself. I've thought it through and through, and there's nothing left for me.

I want to share it with someone and maybe talk with someone before I do it. I've set a date in the near future to do it but I'm not sharing it with anyone. I live in the United States, that's all you need to know.

My childhood was terrible and all of my family are dead. I have an uncle who's dying and a cousin left, that's it. I've had all of the worst luck in the world, and recently my only form of solace (my best friend) killed himself, so I have nothing left now.

My head is so messed up, I have no hope for the future. I have a 40 page diary I've written that made sense at the time but doesn't make sense anymore. Everything is making more sense now I have a goal and I'm actually becoming happy (well, as happy as I can be I guess) knowing that it'll all be over soon.

The world really is a cruel place. I DID NOTHING WRONG. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO ME? There is no God. I'm going to kill myself because I hate this world!!!

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 7:18pm

Well you posted this in an advice section and you're saying you want to talk to someone about it so I think maybe there is something there's stopping you from doing it? It sounds like you've had a very rough time in life so far, but this isn't it and I think there's always hope for the future if you try and get into the right attitude.

I can't say I give especially good advice, but if you want, you can talk to me.

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:20pm

Nah I've set everything up, I'm definitely going to do it but I just thought it'd be nice to talk to people before I did it. I've got a pretty painless method of doing it and stuff, it's just waiting for the date now. (significant, it's my birthday so I'll be exactly 19 when I do it)

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 7:25pm

Well what did you want to gain from talking to people?

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:26pm

I dunno I want to know how hitler felt...

Penguin... · May 27th 2008, 7:28pm

I think that this is one of life's cruel and horrible tests to see who can hack it.

You may feel that you have nothing to live for but maybe instead of letting this demon beat you. You should live to beat it. If you overcome this you will feel a lot better and once you have beaten it - you can help other kids overcome it too and then you will feel like you have a purpose again.

Don't give up. Find something to live for. Just because you haven't found it yet doesn't mean there isn't anything.

xxx

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:29pm

More bad stuff will happen.

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 7:35pm

lastwords_x wrote:

I dunno I want to know how hitler felt...

Well maybe you'd be better going to a WWII history forum and asking there, because I don't really know, sorry.

lastwords_x wrote:

More bad stuff will happen.

Possibly, but there's also a chance that things could get better. If you think this is your lowest point then the only way you can go is up. Did you have any goals you wanted to achieve when you were younger?

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:38pm

stratosfear wrote:

Possibly, but there's also a chance that things could get better. If you think this is your lowest point then the only way you can go is up. Did you have any goals you wanted to achieve when you were younger?

I always wanted to be strong, I got a weightlifting set and everything but everything distracted me from doing it. I recently pawned it to pay the rent where I'm living but now I have no job so in 2 months or so my savings run out, so I'll be kicked out. Luckily I wont be around for 2 months and my landlord is going to have a lovely surprise in one of his bathrooms.

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 7:40pm

Well then you have something to work towards. How possible is it for you to get another job?

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:43pm

I can't go outside anymore

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 7:46pm

Erm, okay. Why not?

How possible would it be for you to get a job if you could go outside?

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 7:51pm

idk. i can't go out because quite a few people are after me recently.

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 8:04pm

Well I don't think you've got anything to lose by leaving the house. And a good thing that could happen if you did would be earning some money to buy your weights back.

There are people on this site pretty much all the time and they're mostly friendly, if you want to talk to them, if it makes you feel less isolated.

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 8:04pm

Double post!

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 8:09pm

Alright, I'll admit something. I'm a drug addict. I've spent all of the money I got from all of my last paychecks, and bought Cocaine from Russians. Well, long story short, I owe them money.

They live in my general area but don't know where I live. Getting a job would be another form of suicide.

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 8:20pm

Okay. Well that makes more sense.

Would there be any sort of help would be available for you if you were willing to seek it? Like a phoneline or something.

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 8:22pm

I don't need help. I've got enough coke to last me till I die, that's enough for me.

It's actually been quite interesting talking to you, thanks.

stratosfear · May 27th 2008, 8:31pm

Hmm. Well this forum is always here and you can PM me if you want to, anytime.

lastwords_x · May 27th 2008, 8:33pm

ok thanks

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