Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

    • Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      To start off, I'm not sure if this is in the right forum or not. For one, I'm not forum savvy, two - this is my first post on here, so forgive me if it's out of place, or three, if this is too inappropriate for a place such as this, feel free to delete it. I'd appreciate no trolls or flaming, heh.

      Now, onto the real question.

      I don't do drugs, and I stopped drinking a while back. I got caught up in that whole thing, and I shouldn't have, blahblah.. whatever. Anyways. I always found it okay for me to do it. But when other people I care about do it, I become frightfully indignant and belittling in the process of them telling me about an "experience" or some story involving substances of any sort.

      I have an alcohol-abusing mother, and I've had a few close friends who've warped a classically conditioned mindset that you become this horrible, evil person when you use or drink. Now, I like to see myself as an open-minded person, but sometimes, things like this, especially when a close friend (one of the FEW I have) or a significant other tells me - it just hurts me to no end.

      I know for a fact that this isn't true, that the people I'm close to NOW don't abuse anything, but the once in a long time they DO it and tell me, I get irrationally belligerent and upset. The first thing that comes to mind is, "Oh, that's bad for you, that's terrible, you really shouldn't do that.." etc. I'm certain, after a while of hearing this, it's a buzzkill and it hurts people close to me, as well as confuses them.

      When I did do anything with them, it was alright for me in MY head to do it while I was there.. so I'm not sure why it's not alright when I'm not there.

      First suggestion was jealousy in its purest, ripest form, that I rarely get out of the house often enough to hang out with anybody to begin with, that when I hear all these other stories about people going to have fun and do the whole party scene, I feel left out or jealous.

      Another suggestion is that I've been taught all my life that substances, when handled by other people, are BAD, and even though I know what people are like, they still give me this awful negative vibe about how I should feel about substance use. So I instantly respond with their "I had a great time having a few drinks with such-and-such" as a blatantly negative reception of emotion. And I'm not sure how to feel differently.

      I believe I've a few things wrong with me in that aspect to probably not help - post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and social paranoia, and low self-esteem issues don't help, but this is what I see. Some people just find it a part of who you are. Maybe this isn't a considerable factor, initially.

      I'm not sure how to change, or who to talk to about this. How do I feel differently? How do I set limits on my emotions, or wean myself away from such a negative feeling?

      I'd appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE feedback, I'm quite serious, as well as lost, on the topic above.

      Thank you,
      Amanda
      Live till the end, and in the end, Hope that others will appreciated what you've done.

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      You shouldn't have to change. I'm in the same situation. As a matter of fact I just read in my local paper that a buddy of mine was on pills and was drunk and he hit a cop and did some other things.

      I used to think the same way. Why do I act the way I do? Why can't I just keep a lid on how I feel? Questions I have asked myself again and again. It's because all of your friends are doing these things and you don't. You don't because your parents don't approve and you don't approve. It's just the fact that you feel out of the loop. Which sucks.

      The only way to deal with this is just see beyond the substance and still talk to your friends. I do it. Mine offer me shit and I turn it down. It will happen over time.

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and parental control.

      I appreciate it, and I'm sort of glad that I don't feel like some big, singular asshole, here.

      I do the substances once on a blue moon-esque occasion, but even so, I still feel.. out of it. Like I shouldn't accept it.

      I hate my parents, I hate their ideals, I despise most of the things they've embedded into my head over time. I'm tired of feeling like they do. They've completely run my life for so many years, and I'm tired of that disgusting mental hold they have on me. It's like, they use leverage of fear and the removal of things that make me feel the worst when lost to punish me.

      I also fear them, in a way. Like, everything I've ever felt inhibited to do, that a teen SHOULD do at least once, they've threatened, and I've refrained. I feel like a whole chunk of my adolescence has been devoutly withheld from me.

      Without unnecessary means to devote my life story on Teenhut, I'm not sure what else to do. I feel sick when I get in trouble, they depress me by keeping me inside, they make me feel miserable telling me even the simplest of bullshit like "get off the computer at 1 AM because I SAID so" sort of thing, when I'm a mere 3 weeks from being a legal adult.

      I feel horrible. I'm not certain how I should confront them about this, because everything I've tried, said, done, everything.. ended in confusion, utter ruin, and possible fights. Mother ended up being physical with me, last time.

      I'm just.. I don't know. I was forcefed opinion all my life from people who took sickeningly enormous pride and joy in the fact of their tight grip on the reins of their offspring. And now, I try to reverse it.. for the sake of literal sanity, friends that I've just started to barely gain, and personal freedom from the shackles and bonds of living life under the seriously burdening pressure of forced guidelines.

      Brainwashed, morally destroyed and confused, and a severe lack in confidence and esteem.. I'm lost on more situations than just one. And it's really starting to both surface and become quite evident.

      ...

      Amanda
      Live till the end, and in the end, Hope that others will appreciated what you've done.

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      I guess there's a small area where you and I differ. It's not a huge difference but from everything you said I understand completely.

      It sucks not being able to go out and hang out with people because you know all they want to do is party. It sucks because I crave to go outside. I love going out with friends but the ones I can do it with are either gamers with very poor social skills and or one other person who has everything going for him.

      But listen, that is irrelevant. Your parents are hard on you by telling you to go to bed at 1am because they don't want you to sleep in all day. They only want the best for you and not have you go south due to drinking too much and forgetting what is important. School, job, future family... Now ahem.....


      ***I've heard from so many people how they talk about being "adults" or "legal adults". You have to understand that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want when you hit that age and the reason being is because you still live with your parents. They pay for your school, the food you eat, the things that are in your room, etc...Your only an adult when you have the maturity to support yourself and know how to make smart decisions. Thats my opinion.***

      Again touching on the fact on why they might be so hard on you is because listen, parents have been in your situation. They know what went well and what didn't. That know the good choices from the bad because they lived through it.

      I hope that helped. My intentions are not to take your parents side but rather to show you the method to their madness.

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      First off there's nothing wrong with telling people you know the dangers you've experienced around substance abuse. I used to do extasy ALOT and at the time I thought it was the greatest thing ever, but now I realize in hindsight how terrible a decision it was to start taking pills in the first place. Any time I hear someone talk about e I naturally chime in to share my experience and warn them because I know first hand how deseptive and detrimental the effects are.

      I also have parents who are somewhat similar to yours who basically told me what to do all the time, I eventually broke out of this pattern by basically telling them to fuck off and doing whatever I wanted, which of course brought on a slew of fights and punishment. However this is not the best way to go about things. Their reasoning for being overbearing was to try to keep me safe (I'm guessing the same with your parents), even to this day they can become melodramatic over the things I do which they believe to be unsafe. But, they have become more respectful of my personal freedom because I sat down and talked to them instead of getting into one of our regular see-who-can-yell-the-loudest arguments, I basically told them that I understand their concern for my safety but that I'm a mature person and that part of growing up is being able to make decisions on my own. I'm sure your parents are doing all this to help you make good choices, what you need to explain to them is that what they see as the best choice might not be the best choice for you. I know this is going to sound really cliché but you shouldn't hate your parents. If you do then you'll never solve this problem, you need to be tactful and have respect if you want them to honestly listen to you. Also simply hating that your parents are overbearing will never solve the problem, you need to take a deep breath, remain calm and face it head on. I hope this helps

      The post was edited 1 time, last by doolie: . ().

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      doolie wrote:

      First off there's nothing wrong with telling people you know the dangers you've experienced around substance abuse. I used to do extasy ALOT and at the time I thought it was the greatest thing ever, but now I realize in hindsight how terrible a decision it was to start taking pills in the first place. Any time I hear someone talk about e I naturally chime in to share my experience and warn them because I know first hand how deseptive and detrimental the effects are.

      I also have parents who are somewhat similar to yours who basically told me what to do all the time, I eventually broke out of this pattern by basically telling them to fuck off and doing whatever I wanted, which of course brought on a slew of fights and punishment. However this is not the best way to go about things. Their reasoning for being overbearing was to try to keep me safe (I'm guessing the same with your parents), even to this day they can become melodramatic over the things I do which they believe to be unsafe. But, they have become more respectful of my personal freedom because I sat down and talked to them instead of getting into one of our regular see-who-can-yell-the-loudest arguments, I basically told them that I understand their concern for my safety but that I'm a mature person and that part of growing up is being able to make decisions on my own. I'm sure your parents are doing all this to help you make good choices, what you need to explain to them is that what they see as the best choice might not be the best choice for you. I know this is going to sound really cliché but you shouldn't hate your parents. If you do then you'll never solve this problem, you need to be tactful and have respect if you want them to honestly listen to you. Also simply hating that your parents are overbearing will never solve the problem, you need to take a deep breath, remain calm and face it head on. I hope this helps


      Bingo

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      You know, agreeably, I respectively see both sides of the situation. There are underlining problems that have made them force my resent upon them, albeit, and it's a tough decision to make.

      I'm moving out, coincidentally, in three weeks - I'm seriously miserable, and no matter how nicely or how respectfully I try to word or shape my answer to tell them to let me make mistakes and do my own thing sometimes, they always just tell me no. No matter what it is, no matter how I say it, no matter my emotions - good, bad, sad, or otherwise about the situation - it's always their way.

      I rarely ask a thing of them anyways, and it's fed back to me as such. Mom's a stay-at-home-drunk, doesn't have a job, feeds off my dad's money and food and such. Doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't help out with any of the pets in the home, nothing, and I'm expected to be the workhorse. Father comes home after eight long hours of work and hears her drunken rampage about every little thing I did and did not do, and am therefore punished in return. He does nothing about us fighting, and tells me we need to handle it between ourselves and he won't do a thing to make it better.

      I've no way out of this; the ultimate beneficiary from a situation where I LITERALLY have NOT spent ANY time being able to express one CENT of myself as a teenager doing things I SHOULD be doing is my parents. They're the ones with the self-satisfaction, the personal bias against my opinion and their thought of overprotection.

      I've never threatened them, become physical, or any of that lot, either. I'm just plain scared, tired of being yelled at for spilled milk, you know? I never act out, I never sneak off at night, I don't do drugs, I don't steal shit or I'm in a gang.. etc. I wear very modest clothing (almost boring to be precise) and I'm generally a quiet, meek person.. so their "discretion" is unneeded to begin with.

      Although I empathize with their trying to help me, it's been my ultimate mental ruin in the end.

      Perhaps it seems like overexaggeration, But seriously.. I'm just.. a very tired girl. Very tired.... very tired of everything here, and I seriously appreciate the feedback, because I've not talked to someone about this before..

      I'll try again with the talking, but once I move out, I feel like I just want to leave everything here.. behind, and in the past, because nothing they're doing is making me happy, and no matter how hard I try to put it in perspective, they're not doing anything to benefit me that I already haven't learned to figure out for myself.

      Not trying to sound too big for my britches, honest (because I'm quite anxious about moving out), but.. enough is enough... and if I take any more, I'm going to break down, because all my life

      my opinion never mattered anywhere

      and it's always felt that no matter how nicely or how loudly I spoke

      i always went

      unheard..

      amanda

      Ps. thank you plink and doolie.. really glad to see someone cares so far
      Live till the end, and in the end, Hope that others will appreciated what you've done.

    • Re: Drugs, alcohol, and the whole bit.

      your domestic situation is very difficult.. on one hand you have a irresponsible mother who likes to blame you for everything, and a father who seems to stay out of the situation. based on your posts you seem like a pretty intelligent person who is capable of analyzing whats going on here, but i think you are missing something important.

      in your family you are the adult. your parents aren't really being responsible. its kind of like a role reversal. the problem is that they don't listen to you or give you a chance. it is very, very difficult to deal with people who don't give you the time of day to express yourself. what can you do in this situation?

      1. you can continually get frustrated at your inability to express yourself to your parents, and hope that one day they may finally listen (unlikely)

      2. you can move out and refuse to let their close minded dominance rule your life (like you said, a very hard thing to do)

      i feel for you because your situation is so hard.. I'd like to tell you to move out but personally im not a strong enough person to do something like that, only you know if you are.

      you just need to realize that this isn't your fault, and you should pat yourself on the shoulder for dealing with it so well, you don't misbehave, you are a good person, you haven't succumb to drugs and alcohol... you are a GOOD PERSON, you haven't done anything wrong.

      also, i think the reason you associate so negatively with your friends stories about substances, (despite your open and accepting mentality) is not only because it is the way you have been told to act, but also because substances are the reason why your mother acts the way she does. Do you think its possible that when you tell a friend "Oh, that's bad for you, that's terrible, you really shouldn't do that.." you are letting out you frustration about your mom? you've seen what alchol can do to someone, so you advise against its use.

      i think you may want to see a counselor of some sort who can give you some more advice, domestic problems are very difficult to deal with you and you definitely need the help

      good luck Amanda