i don't know who i am... or what to do about it.

    • i don't know who i am... or what to do about it.

      i'm 17, and i have a boyfriend. it's a very recent thing. the other night we were messing around a bit, and his hands went places and... it made me really nervous. and kissing him doesn't ever trigger anything. so i think to myself, that maybe he's just not the right guy. but then i think... that i don't think i would be compfortable doing that with any guy... i don't know if i'm just scared or not attracted to guys at all.
      it seems like every time i start something with a guy, i always avoid him or not want to be around him. scared or... not there?

      a few years ago, i questioned my sexuality, and stoped thinking about it a few months later, becasue i decided that i didn't want to deal with it.
      i don't know... and i hate not knowing. if i am a lesbian, i would be perfectly fine with it, it's just this not knowing crap that drives me crazy!

      i'm not asking opinions on whether you think i'm gay or straight, i just need help from someone who's been through what i'm going through right now. someone to talk me through it, and help me figure out who and what i am.

    • Re: i don't know who i am... or what to do about it.

      You are feeling one thing, and trying to diagnose it as something else.
      Sounds to me like you have trust issues. For some people having sex is such an emotional experience that everything has to "feel" right before you can let your guard down. You mentioned that this relationship is relatively new.... spend some time getting to know him, and let your guard down enough that he can get to know you. Dont jump right into physical affection mode. Become friends, and trust him first. Then see if things are better for you!
      Another thing.... Ive had lots of friends who think sex is supposed to be like fireworks and earth shattering. But when they actually had sex realized that it is a physical act. An EXTREMELY pleasurable physical act :D .... but nothing magical or mystical.
      Cant think of anything clever at the moment for a signature.....

    • Re: i don't know who i am... or what to do about it.

      Yeah as dubblebubble said, i mean with one girl we just made out for 10 months, and after a while it got old and she let me go else where and that didnt work and we broke up. And we werent the same physical speed. And with my last one, we went a lot further, not as far as double has gone, but a lot of the stuff. And she hadnt even made out with a guy, it just seemed to work. I mean you need to connect mentally and emotionally. Then try physically.

    • Re: i don't know who i am... or what to do about it.

      Just because you don't find guys attractive doesn't mean you are lesbian.

      See, you assume something. You assume that if you don't find guys attractice, you must find girls attractive.

      But that doesn't have to be the case.

      You see, you could be bisexual.

      But I don't think you're that either. I think you're oblivious.

      Just because you don't find guys attractive doesn't mean you are lesbian. If you aren't attracted to guys (and girls) then you're oblivious. Big deal.

      Oblivious, is the best sexual orientation, imo.
      Nice guys talk because they have something to say; pick-up artists talk because they have to say something.

    • Re: i don't know who i am... or what to do about it.

      There are a LOT of things that can inhibit your sexual drive. Your bf could be one problem, but you could also have a lot of stress in your life. If things at school/home suck, that will affect the way you feel. And, don't PUSH yourself into having sex with somebody, just because your friends are 'doing' it. When the right person (girl or guy) comes around at the right time, you will know. Relax and live a little.