Ok, I don't even know why I'm doing this, lol. I'm tired of keeping all of this to myself, so I'd rather at least tell this to a bunch of people who don't know who I am and maybe find out if anyone else feels similar to me so here's the scoop: I hate my life...even though I really shouldn't. I have always been lucky in ways...I made it through a tornado that destroyed my home with me in it without having a scratch myself, I always made good grades, I sorta like myself in some ways, I still continue to make good grades as a new pre med student. Sounds lucky..I SHOULD be at least partially happy, but I'm not. My dad left when I was young and never wanted to be a part of my life. I had no friends in school because I was so quiet (I HATE the fact that I'm so quiet!), and when things would happen, I had no one to talk to. My first crush that I ever had died of cancer and no one knew how upset I was. I have honestly never felt like anyone cared about me, but yet I would try to do anything I could to help others because it made me feel good about myself and that was all I had going for me. I joined an explorer post for a fire department and loved helping people, and I am now pre med and hoping I can help people in the future but I have never had even a single girlfriend and I continue to be miserable. I have one friend now..finally, but I can't even enjoy that because I'm so afraid of losing her. I'm afraid I may do the same thing if I ever get a girlfriend. I should be happy with my friend because I've always thought "if only I had someone who cared about me I'll be happy", but I'm not, and I'm always wondering why on earth she even cares anything about me...I'm honestly afraid I may have been miserable for so long that I'm incapable of even being happy with my life anymore. What if I actually GET a girlfriend and marry and all that but am so afraid of something happening to her or divorce that I can't enjoy it? I can't figure out what's wrong with me. It's not that my life has been all 100% bad and stuff...it's just that I'm so sad and lonely for some reason. I would NEVER commit suicide, but I sometimes wish I would just die so I don't have to be so miserable.
Post was edited 1 time, last by D-Man ().