Funny Teenage Jokes

    • Funny Teenage Jokes

      Dog Watch
      Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"
      Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

      The Boss
      A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
      "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
      The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
      "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
      The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his
      boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
      "Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

      SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
      MAN: "It's 3:15."
      SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the
      weirdest thing, I
      been asking that question all day, and each time I get
      a different

      The Burnt Ears
      One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.

      He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear."

      The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"

      He said "That same stupid guy called again"

      What part did you get?
      This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

      His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

      He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

      His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"

      Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun
      or the moon?
      Pupil: Moon...
      Teacher : Why?
      Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we
      need it but the sun gives us light only in the day
      time when we don't need it.

      Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?
      Student: I don't know.
      Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called?
      Student: They r called Germs.

      Disney Password
      My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

      I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

      "Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

      Elevator Magic
      A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

      The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

      While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

      The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your mom!"

      2 urdu jokes

      Hotel Ka Khana
      Customer : Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?
      Hotel Wala : Bhai sahab khana tu 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.

      2 Pagal
      Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu ye anday tumhara
      aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5 kay 5 tumharay aur
      ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi bhi tumhari.
      Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint tu du.
      [CENTER][SIZE=2]Courage is when you stand up for what's right, even if means being an outcast! [/SIZE][/CENTER]
    • Re: Funny Teenage Jokes

      A BRUNETTE, A REDHEAD & A BLONDE all worked in the same office with
      the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work
      early. One day,the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her.
      After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know? The next day, they all three left the office
      right after the boss left. The brunette was thrilled to be home early.
      She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was
      elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the health club before
      meeting her dinner date.
      The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her
      bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she
      cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with
      HER BOSS.
      Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The
      next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were
      leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them.
      "NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday":lol:
    • Re: Funny Teenage Jokes

      A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
      The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.
      The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
      Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
      Johnny: "9"
      Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
      Johnny: "36"
      And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both nod in agreement.
      The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
      Johnny, after a moment: "Legs."
      Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
      The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Johnny replied, "Pockets."
      The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions."
      [CENTER] [/CENTER]
    • Re: Funny Teenage Jokes

      Things that we have learned from movies
      1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.
      2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
      3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. Besides, all bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
      4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
      5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one while dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
      6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
      7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
      8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. And a detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
      9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
      10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
      11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
      12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
      13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
      14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
      15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
      16. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
      17. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
      18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
      19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
      20. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
      21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Tires will squeal on any surface, at any speed.
      22. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
      23. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
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    • Re: Funny Teenage Jokes

      A kindergarten teacher was playing a game with her class. "Now kids," she started, "I am going to hide something behind my back and I will give you clues. I want you to guess what I am hiding."
      She takes the first object and hides it behind her back, "Now what I have is round but not too round and it's orange but not too orange. Can anybody tell me what it is?" Little Suzie raises her hand and asks, "Is it an orange?"
      "No," says the teacher, "it's a tangerine, but you're thinking and I like that." She then hides another object and says, "Now what I have is red but not too red, and it's round too but not too round. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
      Little Rachel raises her hand and asks, "Is it an apple?" "No," says the teacher, "it's a tomato, but you're thinking and I like that."
      Little Billy can't resist and raises his hand, "Can I play?Please let me hide something, PLEASE." The teacher says that he can try so he takes his hand and reaches way down deep in his pocket.
      "Now what I have is long but not too long and it's got a pink tip but not too pink," grins Billy broadly. The teachers face turns three shades of red and she screams, "Billy sit down this instant. I am going to call your mother."
      Billy just smiles and pulls his hand out of his pocket. "It's a pencil, but you're thinking and I like that."
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    • Re: Funny Teenage Jokes

      A Letter From a Redneck Mother to her Daughter
      Dear Child,
      I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
      This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't too bad here, it only rained twice last week.
      The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
      We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes.
      John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
      Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl your sister is going to name it after me; she's going to call it mom.
      Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
      Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
      There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
      Love, Mom
      [CENTER] [/CENTER]
    • Re: Random Funny Jokes

      A little girl answered the phone whispering, "hello". A man's voice said, "IS YOUR MOTHER THERE?" "yes", said the little girl. "LET ME SPEAK TO HER!", said the man. "oh, she's busy", replied the little girl. "WELL, IS YOUR FATHER THERE?", asked the man. "yes, but he's busy, too." replied the little girl still whispering. "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE THERE?" "a policeman and a fireman" "WELL, LET ME TALK TO ONE OF THEM!" "they're busy, too". "WHAT ARE THEY DOING?" "they're looking for me."
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    • Re: Random Funny Jokes

      1. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
      2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
      3. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
      4. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"
      5. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
      6. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
      7. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me Here.
      8. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
      9. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
      10. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
      11. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
      12. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
      13. There are two sides to every divorce: ours and shithead's.
      14. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand THAT'S a message!
      15. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
      16. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
      17. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
      18. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
      19. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
      20. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
      21. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
      22. Welcome to Shit Creek -- Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
      23. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
      24. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
      25. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
      26. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
      27. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
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    • Re: Random Funny Jokes

      [FONT=Arial,Helvetica] [/FONT]
      [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]4 men gather on the top of 30-story building, an East Indian, a Japanese, an American Indian, and a White Man. [/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][/FONT]
      [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]The East Indian guy says, "This is for my people!" and he jumps off. [/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][/FONT]
      [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]The Japanese says, "This is for my people!" and jumps off. [/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica][/FONT] [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]The American Indian says, "This is for my people" and pushes the White Man off.[/FONT]

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