i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!... :/

    • i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!... :/

      So, me and this girl met at the beggining of this past school year, and we have been amazing friends since. We tell each other everything. Well, for the last 2(ish) months of school I started to like her. I ended up telling her like 2 weeks before school got out. Well, Its summer now, and we text aton. I volunteered at this big national thing we had at our school that she was helping out at too. She told me she wanted me to, so i was like all right, sure.
      Well i was there the first day, and it was basically the greatest day i have ever had. We hung out and a few of our other friends hung out with us. And it was just loads of fun. That night, we were texting and she said she was confused because we were such good friends, but she liked me more than that. Well, she was there two days when they went to an amusment park and all this stuff, but i couldnt go those two days. On the second day, the day before i was going to volunteer tonight, they went to a university.
      Well I came back the next day, and we hung somemore. Not quite as excting as the first day. but fun. Well she seemed kinda distracted and stuff. when i got home we decided to hang so we met up at a park and hung out for 3 hours. During this time we talked ALOT. She asked me if i had heard anything about her that day, and i said no why. Well she said that apparently this kid from her group, that lives out of state, had kissed her at the university the night before, and said he was going to miss her, and gave her a bracelet to remember him with. Well, I was kinda upset cause she was still wearing the bracelet, but she said she had just forgoten to take it off. Well, her and her friend came over to my house a couple nights ago to hang cause my parents are out of town. My friend was there and we just jumped on the tramp and talked and stuff. Well my friend told me i should ask her out.
      so late that night we were texting and i told her that my friend said that and she said that she doesnt think we should because we are best friends and it would be awkward. She is camping now, and has no service. So i have been thinking alot about her.

      But here is where i need help. alright well first, isnt part of going out, that you need to be best friends and be able to tell each other everything and trust each other, which we do? and if she has known i like her for about 4 months now, but she has gone further with a kid she only knew for 4 days, should i still be trying? help me please i am so confused. and cant you stay best friends after breaking up? why not? so please help. thanks ahead of time. (sorry for the ridiculous length)

      The post was edited 1 time, last by zmanb ().

    • Re: i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!...

      Isnt part of going out, that you need to be best friends and be able to tell each other everything and trust each other, which we do?

      All of these are very important parts of a relationship. But, they can be achieved after ye start going out. Some people prefer to be best friends first. Others find it too weird. All depends on the people involved!

      should i still be trying?

      I think you need to sit her down again and ask her one last time. If she wont give you a straight answer then i really dont see much point bothering. But you can still stay friends.

      cant you stay best friends after breaking up?

      You can, but only if both parties want that. Its extremely hard to though, as you broke up for a negative reason and its hard to forget them and act like nothing personal/intimate has happened between ye. It might take time, but it is possible.

      why not?

      For the reasons outlined above really. Memories arent forgotten to easily for most people. Or at least take time to be reduced into something that isnt an issue any more.

      Hope that helped :)
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    • Re: i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!...

      I'd say give it a go. This is only a temporary phase for her, maybe you should go out with another girl as well. This way you two have a chance to think things over, and decide what to do about the situation.

      You never know, you may just drift back together ;)

    • Re: i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!...

      It sounds, to me, like she likes you, but she's afraid of losing the friendship she has with you. It sounds like that's what you're both afraid of, which has basically left you both at a standstill. It's easier for her to pursue a guy she has no emotional attachment to already, whereas pursuing you may seem scary because she doesn't want to lose you entirely. It's possible to remain friends after a relationship. That's up to you both and how your relationship works out and if you're both willing to keep that friendship. I think you should talk to her about it and see how she feels. Tell her what you're thinking and see where you stand. Good luck.
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    • Re: i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!...

      I feel where you are coming from dude. Usually all guys who have very close female friends will develop a crush on them. if its something that you really feel, dont let it go. usually they tend not to go out with you bcuz they are so totally focused on if the relationship fails, and then what, you know? if you tell her how you really feel, and give her the feeling that you two arent going to just be another relationship, she'll prolly open up to her real feelings
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    • Re: i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!...

      hey the thing with the friends and the feelings between the two of you. i am going through the same thing and what i did is i asked her wheather or not she wanted to take it further and ifshe does cool, if she doesnt, that is ok but she may just ask for more time, especially with another guy in the way of her making that decision because she wont want to hurt him, unless she is heartless, that is for u to decide.

    • Re: i need advice on my situation with best friend, we both like each other, HELP!...

      Some people value friendship more than going out. And the issue is around longevity. When we're teens, growing up, relationships rarely go on forever. I'm not saying you and her wouldn't, I am just saying there is a chance that she may not be the one you remain with for the rest of your life. Because, as we get older, what we want changes, what we see in other people changes and that's just part of growing up, isn't it. I bet you're different now to how you were say 2 years ago. It's not a bad thing, it's just what happens.

      She sees you as a really good friend, perhaps a best friend, and she's nervous. Because if you do try and date each other, and it doesn't work out, then what? It's always easy to say 'Well, we will just go back to being friends again' but can you? Can you put all that emotion behind you, and just forget it? Can you be around your ex girlfriend, as she's talking about who she's dating now, what they're doing, and not get jealous? Staying friends with an ex, and being polite is certainly do-able. But, being close or best friends with an ex is much harder. And it all depends on if you think you can do it, and if she can do it too. Some people think it's not worth the risk, and this is probably where she's coming from.

      With regards to the kid at the Uni, it was probably impulse. It was only a few days, it was random, he gave her something, it made her feel happy and special, and she knew deep down it wouldn't lead to anything, but it was just something that made her smile. One of those life moments that you either take or pass, and a memory of a sweet time that, while it didn't carry on, made you happy. You can't be mad at her for that. It was just something that happened, and anyone would have been happy. You can't tell me if you'd met a girl once, worked on something for a few days, and she gave you a small gift and said she would miss you and liked working with you, that you wouldn't be touched.

      It doesn't mean they're lovers :) it was just something nice that happened.

      It seems she does like you, with what she's doing and saying, there's no denying that. So you have a choice. Either, you accept you're good friends, and you decide to move on and start looking for someone else who you feel you have a strong connection with. Or, you wait until she gets back, you arrange to meet up and you lay it on the line. How you feel, what you want, everything. And see what she says.

      You can't force someone to go out with you, and if she refuses and doesn't want to make it a relationship, then you have to accept that. Again, you then have a choice of remaining friends, or slowly backing away, and letting her get on with her life while you look for someone special. It's really hard to be best friends with someone who you like, and it's up to you if you think you can cope with that or not. Only you can make that decision.,

      I wish you good luck, I hope it does work out for you. Keep me posted.
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