Okay so I'm a 15 year old girl that seems to be a happy child living a good life with plenty of friends. But that's just a lie. I think I have major depression and possibly bipolar mania, because of my all over feelings. I haven't been to the doctoe or anybody actually about any of this. I just keep everything bottled up in my mind or written in my journal.
I've been depressed for a few years now and I do cut. Not something to be proud of but shit happens I guess. My amazing (ex)boyfriend saw my wrists one day and freaked out. I promised him I would stop. So instead I started cutting my left hip instead of my wrists.. until I was giving him a little show one day and he saw. Just a small fight came out of it but we have healthy little fights a lot. Then we broke up because he had heard from somebody that I did heroin and I couldn't take being without him. I attempted suicide. I honestly don't know why I didn't die either. I didn't have a plan and it was completly on impluse, so I just took all the pills we had in our cabnit (but not to many because I didn't want it to be noticeable, even if I was going to die I couldn't dissapoint my father) and scrouged together 24 pills of asprins, heart pills, and just random little things like that. I took all those with straight up rum and after that I cut down my wrists the deepest I ever had. I just passed out hoping I wouldn't ever wake up. But to my dismay I woke up the next morning and went to school everything as normal. I did feel high alll day though haha..
But he did call me every single day&night and asked me if I was hurting myself. A lie has never came so easily, "no." We are/were so madly in love and couldn't stand to be apart so after 5 days we got back together. I never told anybody about this experience but I wish I could've.
Well as much as I am in love with this kid, I honesly wasn't loyal to him. He got hurt in his previous relationship so I swore to him I wouldn't do that to him.
I got wasted one night with him. I started freaking out. He didn't know wha to do and called my best friend and she and her mom came and got me and took me home. That was last Friday and I am in a lot of trouble. But she, always wanting to do the right thing, told him I cheated on him 5 times and the names of the other guys. He got really mad.. I don't blame him though. So we aren't going out anymore. I just sit in my room literally ALL day because we're on break and don't have school, and I'm obviously grounded. But I just can't get over it. I need him. I can't live without him. And I'm not going to.
I want to die more than anything. But I live with my father and brother. My mother died a few years ago and it was hard for all of us. I wouldn't want my family go through that sort of pain again. All I do during the day is cry and write suicide letters. This needs to stop. Why can't I just be happy?
Somebody please talk to me. I can't talk to anybody. And I think it would be less intimidating since I don't know any of you Thanks for your help.
*Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense.. I didn't bother re-reading it.
I've been depressed for a few years now and I do cut. Not something to be proud of but shit happens I guess. My amazing (ex)boyfriend saw my wrists one day and freaked out. I promised him I would stop. So instead I started cutting my left hip instead of my wrists.. until I was giving him a little show one day and he saw. Just a small fight came out of it but we have healthy little fights a lot. Then we broke up because he had heard from somebody that I did heroin and I couldn't take being without him. I attempted suicide. I honestly don't know why I didn't die either. I didn't have a plan and it was completly on impluse, so I just took all the pills we had in our cabnit (but not to many because I didn't want it to be noticeable, even if I was going to die I couldn't dissapoint my father) and scrouged together 24 pills of asprins, heart pills, and just random little things like that. I took all those with straight up rum and after that I cut down my wrists the deepest I ever had. I just passed out hoping I wouldn't ever wake up. But to my dismay I woke up the next morning and went to school everything as normal. I did feel high alll day though haha..
But he did call me every single day&night and asked me if I was hurting myself. A lie has never came so easily, "no." We are/were so madly in love and couldn't stand to be apart so after 5 days we got back together. I never told anybody about this experience but I wish I could've.
Well as much as I am in love with this kid, I honesly wasn't loyal to him. He got hurt in his previous relationship so I swore to him I wouldn't do that to him.
I got wasted one night with him. I started freaking out. He didn't know wha to do and called my best friend and she and her mom came and got me and took me home. That was last Friday and I am in a lot of trouble. But she, always wanting to do the right thing, told him I cheated on him 5 times and the names of the other guys. He got really mad.. I don't blame him though. So we aren't going out anymore. I just sit in my room literally ALL day because we're on break and don't have school, and I'm obviously grounded. But I just can't get over it. I need him. I can't live without him. And I'm not going to.
I want to die more than anything. But I live with my father and brother. My mother died a few years ago and it was hard for all of us. I wouldn't want my family go through that sort of pain again. All I do during the day is cry and write suicide letters. This needs to stop. Why can't I just be happy?
Somebody please talk to me. I can't talk to anybody. And I think it would be less intimidating since I don't know any of you Thanks for your help.
*Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense.. I didn't bother re-reading it.