I need serious help :(

    • I need serious help :(

      Okay so I'm a 15 year old girl that seems to be a happy child living a good life with plenty of friends. But that's just a lie. I think I have major depression and possibly bipolar mania, because of my all over feelings. I haven't been to the doctoe or anybody actually about any of this. I just keep everything bottled up in my mind or written in my journal.
      I've been depressed for a few years now and I do cut. Not something to be proud of but shit happens I guess. My amazing (ex)boyfriend saw my wrists one day and freaked out. I promised him I would stop. So instead I started cutting my left hip instead of my wrists.. until I was giving him a little show one day and he saw. Just a small fight came out of it but we have healthy little fights a lot. Then we broke up because he had heard from somebody that I did heroin and I couldn't take being without him. I attempted suicide. I honestly don't know why I didn't die either. I didn't have a plan and it was completly on impluse, so I just took all the pills we had in our cabnit (but not to many because I didn't want it to be noticeable, even if I was going to die I couldn't dissapoint my father) and scrouged together 24 pills of asprins, heart pills, and just random little things like that. I took all those with straight up rum and after that I cut down my wrists the deepest I ever had. I just passed out hoping I wouldn't ever wake up. But to my dismay I woke up the next morning and went to school everything as normal. I did feel high alll day though haha..
      But he did call me every single day&night and asked me if I was hurting myself. A lie has never came so easily, "no." We are/were so madly in love and couldn't stand to be apart so after 5 days we got back together. I never told anybody about this experience but I wish I could've.
      Well as much as I am in love with this kid, I honesly wasn't loyal to him. He got hurt in his previous relationship so I swore to him I wouldn't do that to him.
      I got wasted one night with him. I started freaking out. He didn't know wha to do and called my best friend and she and her mom came and got me and took me home. That was last Friday and I am in a lot of trouble. But she, always wanting to do the right thing, told him I cheated on him 5 times and the names of the other guys. He got really mad.. I don't blame him though. So we aren't going out anymore. I just sit in my room literally ALL day because we're on break and don't have school, and I'm obviously grounded. But I just can't get over it. I need him. I can't live without him. And I'm not going to. :(
      I want to die more than anything. But I live with my father and brother. My mother died a few years ago and it was hard for all of us. I wouldn't want my family go through that sort of pain again. All I do during the day is cry and write suicide letters. This needs to stop. Why can't I just be happy?

      Somebody please talk to me. I can't talk to anybody. And I think it would be less intimidating since I don't know any of you :P Thanks for your help.

      *Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense.. I didn't bother re-reading it.

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      Hm, well it seems you have some troubles in your life, but you and everyone who is depressed can come out of it.

      I'm always willing to talk to anyone. I have MSN/Yahoo/AIM/Skype and if you would like, would talk one on one with you and help you sort some of this out.

      However, I do recommend greatly that you talk to someone about this. Any adult who will listen to you and understand that you may need some help. And it's okay to ask for help, we all need some help once in a while, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

      Going to a doctor would really help you turn around. You are only 15 years old, you have a lot of life to live yet. Don't let a boy get you down or anything for that matter. Life will go on, I promise. :)

      Let me know, if you would like to talk further. I would be more than happy to. :)

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      Awh:) Thanks.
      And I've been going to the doctor a lot recently because my dad wanted me to go on birth control and stuff.. but the first time we went he filled out the form for me and asked me to look it over when he was done to make sure it was correct. And some questions were "Are you generally happy?" "Have you ever self harmed?" Stuff like that and he answered it all no. He thinks I have the easiest life ever. And I do try to make it that way because raising a teenage daughter, alone, isn't the easiest thing to do, especially with all the trouble I get into. But I just can't get the guts to tell him "I think I have depression" or "I've tried to kill myself before" that would just break his heart. Advice?

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      I think it would break his heart much more if you actually went through with it.

      Or, for that matter, if he found out you were going through this but couldn't tell him about it. He will be there for you, no matter what.

      I think you should tell him dear :)
      [LEFT][SIZE=1][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      It seems so simple. But that would be like the hardest thing to say, especially because I find it difficult to talk to anyone at all.
      After that's said though, then what?
      Should I tell him to take me to the doctor? Or just tell him of my depression and see what he does? :/

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      Trust me, I know it is easier said than done.

      I am really not sure... but if you feel like you can't really talk to him about it... I guess you could show him. You know, the marks and all that.

      I dunno if that would be the best way to go about it. But you should tell him somehow. Even if it is just with the simple "Dad, I need to tell you something..." conversation. Might be the best way to go about it.

      ---------- Post added at 11:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:57 PM ----------

      carebear wrote:

      Or just tell him of my depression and see what he does? :/


      Just tell him what has been going on.

      He'll do whatever he has to do to help you.
      [LEFT][SIZE=1][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][/SIZE][/LEFT]

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Shute ().

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      You both are right. And he's seen fresh marks on my wrists before and I just blamed my cat and never thought anything of it. But I do have many many many scars. That could be a start ?
      I'll try my best talking to him tomorrow, he has half days on Friday:)
      But I honestly doubt I'm going to confess anything :(

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      A note is actually a very good idea. You have more time to figure out what you want to say and then you don't have to actually say it to him, which is the hardest part.

      You seem like a really sweet girl, and you certainly don't deserve to be feeling this way. Telling your dad is the first step towards getting better :)
      [LEFT][SIZE=1][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      carebear wrote:

      I'm like crying right now for no reason :)
      hahah wow but a note is a good idea, it would seem a bit daunting having him read it in front of me though? Maybe an email or text once I get my phone back..


      Happy tears I hope ;)

      Honestly, I am not sure I would want to be there either. Because then, he has time to think about it. Eliminates that oh so awkward silence :)
      [LEFT][SIZE=1][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][/SIZE][/LEFT]

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      Let me know how things go, I would also love to help you. I also have depression and have taken pills before.. I also currently cut.
      I use to wear arm bands on my wrists so no one knew about it, but I got so upset one day that I told my brother and asked him to help me or to tell mom or dad (I know you don't have a mom, I'm sorry) but he didn't help, He said to tell on my own. So I called the parent who was home up to my room and I was bawling my eyes out. I took off my arm bands in front of them and they had no clue what it was, so I had to explain to them what was going on.
      They asked me why and all I said was because I'm depressed..
      That was like 4 years ago.. Just 2 years ago I ODed on like 50+ pills and ended up in the hospital.

      If you have questions or need help you can message me if you want. =))
      "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you need to get help for yourself. This, in many aspects, reminds me of what I went through in my highschool years. So I will tell you from first hand experience that you need to stop denying yourself help and closing yourself off to those around you. Sometimes in life we face issues we cannot handle by ourselves, and to overcome such issues you need to reach out to somebody. If you keep it all bottled up the situations will just continue to get worse and worse. I know it can be hard to trust others or you may feel like it is nothing but a burden for those around you to go get yourself help or open up, but you are human and I am sure your family as well as a few of your friends can understand that we all go through a rough time. To be honest, if you don't go talk to a therapist or doctor about this you will end up reaching a breaking point and hurting those around you more. Gather the courage to tell your father you think you are depressed and would like to see someone or consult a doctor about it.

      Dealing with a break up can be so incredibly tough, but you have to realize there are more guys out there and that in time you will be able to move on. I know it may not seem like it, and how incredibly cliche it is to say, but it is true. Time heals all wounds. What you can do, however, is learn from this. The cause of the break up seems to be your issues with depression, because if it wasn't for that I doubt you would have lied or cheated on him. I am not going to hold anything against you for this because I too have been there, but what you need to realize is how impossible it is to have a healthy, real relationship with someone when you can't even love yourself. Instead of hiding your problems or escaping them with booze, you should reach out to someone and get help. Because whether you like it or not, your issues will show in your behavior and will ultimately affect your relationships with others. And escaping your problems through drugs, alcohol, and cutting only makes things worse.. this shows in how you two broke up.

      So please, do yourself a favor and reach out to others, because if you don't things will only build and become worse.
      [CENTER][FONT="Garamond"][COLOR="DarkRed"][SIZE="3"]Seduce&Destroy[/SIZE]
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      You're sure you still wanna play this evil lil game?      [/COLOR][/FONT][/CENTER]

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      Either tell someone about it, if you think you may actually kill yourself.
      OR
      What helped me is, I found someone who knew exactly what I was going through. We talked about it, and we made eachother happy, and convinced eachother to stop harming ourselves. Im now in a very healthy relationship with said person, and neither of us has harmed ourselves in a very long time.

      If you find someone to talk to on a daily basis who knows exactly what youre going through, it helps a lot.
      That, and writing. I know everyone says WRITE DOWN ALL YOUR FEELINGS. I used to think that was ridiculous, because you would still be thinking about it while writing. I started doing it, though, and I found it helps out a lot.
      I dont mean writing suicide notes as you mentioned before.
      Just write about how you feel about everything thats going on in your mind. If you dont wanna write about it, again find someone that will just listen to you.

      I hope everything works out for you:)

    • Re: I need serious help :(

      I can't really pretend to have been in this situation before, because then it might mislead you.
      All I can really say is that in the future you'll definitely find another boyfriend or a husband who understands you, maybe even your ex-boyfriend, and you'll look back and be glad that you did not commit suicide. Think about how much more life you have left to live, and know that it will eventually get better.