The girl, the party and the rant.

    • The girl, the party and the rant.

      Hello. I didn't really know in what forum to put this thread, as I got two major different (or not so different) problems, so I put it here. :P

      I don't really know how to start. First of all I have to appologise if I can't explain myself well because of my english, although sometimes I can't explain myself well in my own language.

      This will be a long post. If someone is able to read it until the end and give me advice you can't imagine how I'd thank that gesture.


      Think I'll just introduce myself and say what kind of personality I have. I'm a guy who just turned 18 some days ago. I am not ugly, in fact, I'd say Im good looking, but sometimes (most of the time actually) I don't care too much about my looks and, well, let's say that my clothes (I don't dress bad, but nothing special, but I'm not a clone either) and my long hair (although I cutted it yesterday, still a bit long) don't make me look like a model. I am, however, pleased by how I look, although people sometimes don't agree with me.


      My personality is very difficult to explain, hell, I don't even understand myself at times. I can be shy, I can be very, very outgoing. I can be a rebel, I can respect rules more than any other person. Sometimes I'm terribly lazy (oh, how I hate to be that way), sometimes I'm enthusiastic and put a lot of effort in what I do. I'm also a very creative person. And even though I almost never show it, I am very sentimental inside sometimes. Even though I don't believe in astrology at all, I think that the description of Pisces pretty much suits me almost perfectly. Well, if you knew me IRL, you couldn't believe I would be writing this post. It's not really what I appear to be. No one in real life would imagine that I got this kind of problems, so, therefore, this is only my sentimental side talking. In real life, though, when Im not sentimental, I got loads of humor. At some point of this post you will probably think of me as a different person of what I really am. I am only sentimental on the inside. Maybe I shouldn't be that way. Maybe I should be less sentimental, maybe I should tell others more about my feelings. Don't know. It's just how I am



      Then I'm also nice, fun and outgoing as I said, and get along with most people really well. But this is the first problem: Even though I'm that way, sometimes I feel very lonely. Even though I have good friends, I feel invisible sometimes. It just seems that many times people would rather talk with someone else than with me, even though I can consider myself an interesting person. I'm there, but some times, people act like if I wasn't there at all.


      Of course, there are moments when that doesn't happen. But when it happens, it is crap. Many times Im the one who takes the initiative to talk to other people, but then, there are even more times when people can't take that initiative to talk to me, and I don't understand why. I just don't see why they don't do it. I feel crap in those moments.


      There's this friend I have. Let's call it "my friend". I think I can consider him my best friend. He's the person I better get along with, and in school we are almost always together. We can't be that together out of school time because he lives a bit far from where I live. In some things, he's very similiar to me. I've been with him in the same class for three years now. I never had any real friend outside my family until three years ago, when I entered high school and met him and other people. I could talk about that, but it really doesn't affect me now.


      Maybe I could have this conversation with him, but for some reason, I just couldn't. He's a trustworthy person, but I wouldn't even think of telling all this to him. I don't know why. Maybe he wouldn't understand, maybe he couldn't help me, maybe I just don't feel like bothering him. Well, I don't really like to bother others with my problems, although it happens sometimes. He already helps me too much. Maybe I'm just too shy after all. I'd like to talk with him about this, but at the same time, I wouldn't. I don't really think anyone in real life could help me with this


      Then comes the second problem. It is something that I'd really like to be able to talk with him or with someone else, but I can't. I mean, I would really like to tell someone about it, but Im just too shy with this kind of stuff. Well, it's about a girl. Let's call it "the girl". I've also been in the same class as the girl since those three years ago.


      She is not a super model, but yet she is very cute. She is fun, nice, outgoing, and has also her share of creativity, just like me. I've liked her for some time now, since like the past year, or maybe more, I don't even know :P We get along well. But not as much or as much time as Id like.

      This year, I, my friend and the girl have been in a class with people with didn't really know before. It's a cool class. But there is a difference between the class before.

      People in this class just seem to worship her. While in the past two years she wasn't that popular, she is now the most popular person in my class. I always saw her as a nice and fun person, as I said. People in the class before didn't thought she was so special, but now everyone has the some opinion as me. While I don't have any problem with it, it makes me invisible. We used to talk more until all that began. She has also a boyfriend and, also, what I call (in my head) a "special" friend. She is always with that friend, and seems to get along much, much better than with her boyfriend, which is, in my eyes, a much more interesting person. I just can't get it.

      Thing is, I like her. The fact that she has a boyfriend doesn't bother me. it isn't the fact that I don't think it will last for much. I'd be very happy if we were friends. But even though we used to get along very well, now she has a lot of other friends, and well, Im just invisible


      I'm already making a big wall of text that nobody will care about, so let's see if I can shorten up the things. In the beginning of the year, before all that worship began, and before she got that boyfriend, in some presentation, the teacher asked what kind of things each one of us liked. Sport, music, books, that kind of stuff. She said she liked art and people with creativity, and it made me think about if she was trying to say some kind of message. Because, well, I like art, and Im very creative as I said. And she knows it. I'm still creative. I play guitar, and even though I started just some months ago, I'd say I'm very good, and I think Im already better than some who play it for years. That friend of mine also plays guitar for long years now, and he plays it brutally well. But then again, I'm also very good considering the time I've been playing, but she (and other people, like everyone except my friend, for that matter) don't really pay attention to me.


      Yesterday there was a party. I actually cared about my looks and well, let's just say that I impressed a big share of people, including her. Some girls readly said they wanted to dance with me, including the girl. In fact, she had been saying she wanted to dance with me in that party for some time. People really got impressed with my looks. I've actually been the star of the party for some minutes.


      The problem is, when the time to dance arrived, she didn't seem very interested in dancing with me anymore. I, she, our friends who went to the party sitted in some chairs and at some point she started, don't really know how to say in english, appearing in every photo with every person. She was taking photos with everyone. I and her took some photos together at the start of the party, but then it was different. She completely ignored me. She took photos with everyone but me. She also started inviting everyone to dance, except me. No, she's not a wh***, and I know she didn't do that to annoy me, specially because no one is close to imagine that I like her. I also don't think she likes me and did that just to see how I acted. She just forgot me. And I can't understand how someone can be so impressed about me (she really, really got impressed with my looks, I tell you) and be so enthusiastic about dancing with me and then forgetting me completely just like that. Worse yet, by that time, some people realized that I wasn't really ok, but she didn't even looked at me. I just got silent, very silent, and that's not how I usually act with other people. I'm very outgoing as I said.


      At some point I just thought "screw it" and went to dance with some other girls. It really cheered me up. Then I tried to look for an opportunity to ask her to dance. She was some seconds away of asking a friend to dance with her, then I told her to dance with me. It was fun, but, it is probably just my imagination, but it seemed to me that the other girls were having more fun dancing with me. Not that she was bored, we were both having a lot of fun, but she seemed weird at times, don't know why. Maybe my imagination, as I said, I have no idea. Then the music finished and we sitted again.


      The next time we talked was when I was going to say goodbye to people. She was sitted a bit far away from other people, at a place where some of my friends also sitted at, although she was alone at that moment. I went to say goodbye to some friends at another place, and, can't remember well, maybe she was looking at me, maybe just my imagination or the fact that I don't remember well. I went to say goodbye to her and left.

      I'm going to make a party next saturday in my home, and she is going to come. I didn't really invited her friend I talked about, and when I mentioned the people who I invited to a friend of mine, he, joking, said: "but X is not coming? who is the girl going to stay with lol". Well, it's not that I'd like that they were separated, I just didn't invite him (yet, but maybe won't do it) because we aren't very close, you see.


      Now, if you read until here, I really thank you for your time. I don't really have someone to talk with about this. Or I have, but it feels so much less embarassing talking to someone I don't know. I ask one last thing: Give me some advice, share your experiencies, say what you would do in my place, whatever, but just keep in mind one thing:

      1) No, don't tell me to forget her. I won't.
      2) Don't tell me to act very differently of what I am. I am always myself.
      3) For that reason, don't tell me to "be yourself" :P

      Thanks

      The post was edited 5 times, last by gilp: Reason for editing? Well, Im a damned perfectionist :P ().

    • Re: The girl, the party and the rant.

      Whew.... that was a lengthy read there... :p

      I'm just going to start by clarifying...
      You want some advice on what to do about this girl, right?

      She's got a boyfriend already, so I don't think it would be a good idea to try getting with her in a relationship. If she ever does break up with him, then by all means try flirting with her more, go out of your way to get her to notice you. I realize you said earlier that you can be a bit shy, but this is one of those situations where you're going to have to step out of a safety zone eventually.

      In any case, you also want to try being better friends with her too, right? Kind of the same as above. She seems to ignore you sometimes, but much effort are you putting out to show you want to be friends? Being honest here, maybe she doesn't feel the same connection you feel towards her.

      If you don't want to have to forget her, but still be able to hang out with her, the only thing I can think of to do is to just go up to her and tell her that you want to spend more time with her, at least talk more or something. I find it a little shallow of her to be your friend for those couple years then toss you aside for all the other people she socializes with now.

      Something that crossed my mind is maybe she liked you when she met you, and eventually gave up and moved on since you never said anything. To make a long story short, I sorta had something similar to your situation happen to me. Again, if she has a boyfriend I wouldn't push in that direction in case you cause problems between you two.

      That's all I've got for now, but if you need any more advice feel free to post more. Glad you were able to come here to ask for out help, and I hope your friendship with her improves in any way. :)
    • Re: The girl, the party and the rant.

      supersonic92 wrote:

      Whew.... that was a lengthy read there... :p


      Yeah, Im sorry for that :P


      I'm just going to start by clarifying...
      You want some advice on what to do about this girl, right?

      She's got a boyfriend already, so I don't think it would be a good idea to try getting with her in a relationship.


      Hell no, even if I wasnt shy, I would never flirt or something with her knowing she has a boyfriend. Id be happy if we were just friends, as I said. Of course I don't want to get problems, and I wouldn't feel right at all if I did that. I don't want to separate anyone. I would just like to get a bit closer.


      If she ever does break up with him, then by all means try flirting with her more, go out of your way to get her to notice you. I realize you said earlier that you can be a bit shy, but this is one of those situations where you're going to have to step out of a safety zone eventually.


      Yeah, you are right. I would have no idea how to do it though. Im too shy with this kind of stuff. If I was to make a move Id probably be to subtile.

      In any case, you also want to try being better friends with her too, right? Kind of the same as above. She seems to ignore you sometimes, but much effort are you putting out to show you want to be friends?


      Well, I have to admit that I probably dont try so hard as someone else would. That worship battalion is always approaching her, always talking with her, unlike me. Maybe I'm a weird guy. I mean, every time we hang out, we do it really well. We always did. Sometimes I don't even understand why I don't talk with her a bit more. I think Im afraid that even if I take the initiative to talk to her she wont do the same. Maybe that's the problem, I don't open up enough with other people and then people don't know how to open up with me.


      If you don't want to have to forget her, but still be able to hang out with her, the only thing I can think of to do is to just go up to her and tell her that you want to spend more time with her, at least talk more or something. I find it a little shallow of her to be your friend for those couple years then toss you aside for all the other people she socializes with now.


      Yeah. I just don't get it. We still hang out really well, like we always did, but not as many times as other people. Maybe that's my problem, as I said. Don't know. But really, what happen that night, was just crap. Even though we don't hang out as much, I really can't see why she would do that. But then again, she isn't the only one who ignores me at times, just like if I wasn't there. That's what I don't understand, why that happens.

      Something that crossed my mind is maybe she liked you when she met you, and eventually gave up and moved on since you never said anything. To make a long story short, I sorta had something similar to your situation happen to me.


      Maybe, maybe not. Don't think there's any way to actually know it.


      Again, if she has a boyfriend I wouldn't push in that direction in case you cause problems between you two.


      No, as I said, of course not. Still, I don't even think her boyfriend is my biggest "problem". I just don't get it why she seems to be so much more close to her friend than to anyone else. It's weird. Sometimes I wonder why isn't he her boyfriend. I mean, first, she and her boyfriend were always together, then they broke up, then they got back. From one moment to other, I don't know exactly when, she and her friend started to stay together almost all the time, as if they had glue. We are all in the same class. She used to sit with her boyfriend all the time, and now, almost all classes, she sits by her friend.


      That's all I've got for now, but if you need any more advice feel free to post more. Glad you were able to come here to ask for out help, and I hope your friendship with her improves in any way. :)


      Thanks a lot for your help. Been locked with all this for a long time and I didn't really know who to talk with, until I found this forum. I'd still really like to trust someone in real life to talk about all this, but even though I have that really good friend of mine whom I talked about at the beginning, I just don't have the balls to talk about it. I'd like him to know, because he probably could help me. But I don't think he would fully understand my point of view.
    • Re: The girl, the party and the rant.

      Hell no, even if I wasnt shy, I would never flirt or something with her knowing she has a boyfriend. Id be happy if we were just friends, as I said. Of course I don't want to get problems, and I wouldn't feel right at all if I did that. I don't want to separate anyone. I would just like to get a bit closer.


      And that's understandable, there should be no problem in just being friends, or in this case, better friends.

      Yeah, you are right. I would have no idea how to do it though. Im too shy with this kind of stuff. If I was to make a move Id probably be to subtile.


      That's sounds like me. I can be friendly and social, but when it comes to anything beyond friendship...
      And it's not so much as having no idea how to go about it, more than it's doing what you feel is right and acting on what your emotions tell you. And this goes for just being friends with her, not just in regards to wanting to go out with her or anything.

      Sometimes I don't even understand why I don't talk with her a bit more. I think Im afraid that even if I take the initiative to talk to her she wont do the same. Maybe that's the problem, I don't open up enough with other people and then people don't know how to open up with me.


      I feel you here, same thing with me on some things. But this is the key to a friendship- both of you should be putting effort into spending time together. If you're the one who always approaches and starts conversations and all that, then maybe you should be considering that she doesn't see you the way you see her.

      It is true, that if you don't show others you want to be open and socialize, they won't know how to open up with you either. Show a little interest and others will too.

      But then again, she isn't the only one who ignores me at times, just like if I wasn't there. That's what I don't understand, why that happens.


      Maybe people see you as a little shy? It can be awkward for people to talk if one is shy. How well can you hold your own in a conversation? This is just one of those cases where I'm sure that people want to be social with you, they just don't know how because you don't seem to react to things the way they expect.

      I just don't get it why she seems to be so much more close to her friend than to anyone else. It's weird. Sometimes I wonder why isn't he her boyfriend. I mean, first, she and her boyfriend were always together, then they broke up, then they got back. From one moment to other, I don't know exactly when, she and her friend started to stay together almost all the time, as if they had glue. We are all in the same class. She used to sit with her boyfriend all the time, and now, almost all classes, she sits by her friend.


      She might just see him as a friend, and has no interest in dating him. Essentially friend zoned him, in effect. Girls are definitely confusing, right? Impossible to predict, sometimes the things they do doesn't seem to make sense right away. Such is the curse of being male :p

      Thanks a lot for your help. Been locked with all this for a long time and I didn't really know who to talk with, until I found this forum. I'd still really like to trust someone in real life to talk about all this, but even though I have that really good friend of mine whom I talked about at the beginning, I just don't have the balls to talk about it. I'd like him to know, because he probably could help me. But I don't think he would fully understand my point of view.


      You're welcome! It's tons easier to talk to people online, people you don't know that won't judge you the way people who know you personally might do. Maybe someday you should confide in your friend about this, that's what friends are for, to help you when you're down. And it might help more to hear from someone who really knows you, knows the situation better. All I know is what you tell me. He knows the situation better because he's actually there.

      I do suggest talking to her, telling her that you feel a little left out. (Maybe not necessarily in those words, but you get my point)