I guess this is to vent... I suppose... but i feel too stuck in my own head, and it's driving me insane. I'm analyzing everything, and when I'm done analyzing one aspect of a situation or my personality, I'll go back and re-analyze it from a different angle. If someone tells me something about myself, I'll change all of my opinions and reorganize them to fit with the newly received information. If something doesn't fit in my mind, I'll crush it or completely forget about it, later on hating myself for forgetting or not dealing with it sooner.
I'm a girl- a typical girl with the stupid over dramatic and annoying emotions. The media tells me to date, I want to date. My friends are accepting and awesome, but are comfortable enough with themselves enough to not date or just don't find it appealing. The ones that do date are either extremely obsessed with it, (such as going to unsafe measures to obtain a partner), or going out with one person on and off and complaining about it all the time.
It feels like someone needs to push me from this never ending cycle I'm in. I'm happy, I'm around people, I get home, I sulk, sit around doing nothing for hours and don't get my homework done. I don't care about my grades. I could care less about school. Education is necessary, but can only get you so far. People are simply stupid in this world and are quick to judge, rather than admitting there's a gray and accepting that it's not just black and white, they bully and kill what's not the 'norm'.
I've looked at male and female roles a little too much- I've concluded that both genders are annoying fuckers. No one's superior. Males are more less complex and, from observation, are more entertaining because they're less burdened than women with most issues- because they're like this, however, they take things less seriously and end up as ass holes. Most of the time. Women, are more complex and rule by their emotions. Although they have more factors to consider and are not completely ruled by their emotions, they're heavily influenced and thus become... well, insane.
I'm annoying everyone, I know. I giggle annoying laughs, I lead conversations to no where or end up using language they either don't understand or offend someone. I'm annoying, and only my true friends can tolerate me.
But I rarely hang out with them after school. In school, although I love them, I let them push me around. I let them shove me every which way. I don't care.
I'm Gay. Lesbian. I like to dress as a boy from time to time- Like, for a couple weeks I'll dress up girly, then middle ground, then totally and completely butch. My mom absolutely hates it and completely denies the idea of having a lesbian daughter. Even though she claims to have Buddhist beliefs like my brother...
My parents don't pressure me. They're both getting old, and all of my siblings are over 7 years older than me. I have five nephews. My parents were never married and never lived together. They both love me... but they're tired of raising teenagers, I suppose.
I don't feel motivated... like, I have limitless possibilities in my life- I'm extremely fortunate and go to a very nice school- and am constantly reminded that I should feel grateful about having them. My parents are basically telling me to do whatever in life... I'll do something art related... whatever. I guess I just feel too... comfortable? Trapped and drowning in really soft pillows? I know I'm lucky... I have opportunities... the world sucks, so I should work my hardest and take advantage of what I have... So what if I fail... it doesn't matter as long as I'm 'happy'.......
Occasionally I'll feel motivated to do good in life- but then, a week later I'm drained and on the brink of suicide. Life's too much of a pain in the ass- why continue?
When I'm around people, my emotions completely shift. It's like, as soon as I'm around them, the world disappears and only airy space builds up in my chest. I don't want to talk about problems. I don't want help. I don't...
Maybe this is life- maybe it's not. Not all of life sucks, but most of it does. People die, people can't handle the harsh truths of life. People can't keep going when they're trapped in quicksand.
I want to see men dress as girls without punishment- I want to go outside and dress like a man without punishment. I want to date a girl without consequence- I want more girls to be proud of their sexuality and not to be afraid. I want the girl I love to love me back. I want the world to be more accepting and not be rash ignorant BOOBS.
I would like the peaceful folk of the world to stop dying, and the cruel executors of the world to be punished.
Everyone is created equal, and every creature deserves to be loved. Love yourself, love one another....
Oh well.... I guess I'll trudge through quicksand a bit longer... I've only got a year and a half of high school left... maybe I'll be pulled out soon...
Someone, please slap me. I need to get out of this stupid cycle.
I'm a girl- a typical girl with the stupid over dramatic and annoying emotions. The media tells me to date, I want to date. My friends are accepting and awesome, but are comfortable enough with themselves enough to not date or just don't find it appealing. The ones that do date are either extremely obsessed with it, (such as going to unsafe measures to obtain a partner), or going out with one person on and off and complaining about it all the time.
It feels like someone needs to push me from this never ending cycle I'm in. I'm happy, I'm around people, I get home, I sulk, sit around doing nothing for hours and don't get my homework done. I don't care about my grades. I could care less about school. Education is necessary, but can only get you so far. People are simply stupid in this world and are quick to judge, rather than admitting there's a gray and accepting that it's not just black and white, they bully and kill what's not the 'norm'.
I've looked at male and female roles a little too much- I've concluded that both genders are annoying fuckers. No one's superior. Males are more less complex and, from observation, are more entertaining because they're less burdened than women with most issues- because they're like this, however, they take things less seriously and end up as ass holes. Most of the time. Women, are more complex and rule by their emotions. Although they have more factors to consider and are not completely ruled by their emotions, they're heavily influenced and thus become... well, insane.
I'm annoying everyone, I know. I giggle annoying laughs, I lead conversations to no where or end up using language they either don't understand or offend someone. I'm annoying, and only my true friends can tolerate me.
But I rarely hang out with them after school. In school, although I love them, I let them push me around. I let them shove me every which way. I don't care.
I'm Gay. Lesbian. I like to dress as a boy from time to time- Like, for a couple weeks I'll dress up girly, then middle ground, then totally and completely butch. My mom absolutely hates it and completely denies the idea of having a lesbian daughter. Even though she claims to have Buddhist beliefs like my brother...
My parents don't pressure me. They're both getting old, and all of my siblings are over 7 years older than me. I have five nephews. My parents were never married and never lived together. They both love me... but they're tired of raising teenagers, I suppose.
I don't feel motivated... like, I have limitless possibilities in my life- I'm extremely fortunate and go to a very nice school- and am constantly reminded that I should feel grateful about having them. My parents are basically telling me to do whatever in life... I'll do something art related... whatever. I guess I just feel too... comfortable? Trapped and drowning in really soft pillows? I know I'm lucky... I have opportunities... the world sucks, so I should work my hardest and take advantage of what I have... So what if I fail... it doesn't matter as long as I'm 'happy'.......
Occasionally I'll feel motivated to do good in life- but then, a week later I'm drained and on the brink of suicide. Life's too much of a pain in the ass- why continue?
When I'm around people, my emotions completely shift. It's like, as soon as I'm around them, the world disappears and only airy space builds up in my chest. I don't want to talk about problems. I don't want help. I don't...
Maybe this is life- maybe it's not. Not all of life sucks, but most of it does. People die, people can't handle the harsh truths of life. People can't keep going when they're trapped in quicksand.
I want to see men dress as girls without punishment- I want to go outside and dress like a man without punishment. I want to date a girl without consequence- I want more girls to be proud of their sexuality and not to be afraid. I want the girl I love to love me back. I want the world to be more accepting and not be rash ignorant BOOBS.
I would like the peaceful folk of the world to stop dying, and the cruel executors of the world to be punished.
Everyone is created equal, and every creature deserves to be loved. Love yourself, love one another....
Oh well.... I guess I'll trudge through quicksand a bit longer... I've only got a year and a half of high school left... maybe I'll be pulled out soon...
Someone, please slap me. I need to get out of this stupid cycle.
