Should I break up with her?

    • Should I break up with her?

      Should I break up with her? 12
      1.  
        Yes, break up with her. (0) 0%
      2.  
        No, stay with her. (4) 33%
      3.  
        I don't know, you'll have to decide. (8) 67%
      I don't really know a good starting point for a summary, so I'll just list some stuff.
      For a basis on everything, I am a junior, she's a sophomore, and we've been dating for just over 11 months.

      Overall I'd say that I have liked the relationship, but it has gotten worse in the last 2-3 months. She has a condition called PMDD which is pretty much just extreme PMS. I think that's the main reason I'm considering breaking up with her because it gets pretty tiring because it lasts for about 2 of the 4 weeks in the cycle. I have just dealt with it for this long because I know everybody has some sort of problem, so this is hers, and it isn't there the entire time, only about half the time. She has tried to get it treated, but nothing has worked so far.

      Unrelated to that, I think I may be getting tired of having a girlfriend, because I've considered what it might be like dating her, versus being single, and I'm starting to lean towards being single.

      On a different side, I've thought about how breaking up with her will effect her, and me. I know that I shouldn't base the breaking up or not with how she will be effected, but I'm a very caring person, and I don't want to hurt her. I know that it would make her sad (understandable), lonely, and less trusting (I've told her before when she said she was scared of me leaving her [when our relationship was a bit rocky] that I wouldn't leave her).
      It would be hard on me because she would likely be in the same area at lunch, which is where all of my friends are (most of our friends are the same), so it would be awkward.



      So my main question is, should I break up with her, or should I just continue enduring her while she's experiencing the PMDD so I can still have the non-PMDD time which is really good?

      PS. I prefer not to get some simple answer such as "Yes break up with her" or "No, stay with her", I'd rather have one of those with a short (or long) explanation to why you think that.


      PPS. I will not be back to check on this for around 14 or so hours due to sleep then school.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by terracyber: highlighting main points ().

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      That condition is hard for her and I presume she's trying her best to keep it under control for the sake of the relationship. I understand how that'll make you stressed out and tired though. Whether or not you break up depends on how much you actually love her. Ask yourself: is she worth putting up with the pmdd for? Could you handle being with her longer? Look at things from her point of view also and determine if you can support her during her bad days. If you break up with her will you feel lonely without her/regret it? Every relationship has trials and eventually we all wonder if we'd be happier single. If you really feel you wanna be single though break up and be there as a good friend because that's better than staying in a relationship unhappy and yearning for other things. But if you can handle putting up with her condition because you love her and the days where she's okay are worth it, then stay. You have to really be sure you're willing to stand it.

      The post was edited 3 times, last by SoyaBeanire ().

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      It's simple: Do what you want. But think well before acting; your desicion might be irreversable. If you feel like a prisoner, escape from her. If you like spending time with her, be patient and have fun with her when you can. If you feel sorry for her and you want to help her, stay with her. It's really up to you, think well.

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      You cant base your relationship decisions on a poll :/
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    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      There seems to be an imbalance here. You're experiencing more unhappiness than happiness - and the same may very well be said for her.

      While honesty can be difficult, in this case, it's your best option. Considering the eleven month relationship, I assume that you're both very, very close, and very understanding of each other. If that's the case, then you had best speak to her about this. Prepare her for it. Make sure she knows that you're about to discuss a serious, and potentially upsetting, topic. Tell her exactly how you feel, and how long you've felt it for. It is essential that you nip this in the bud. The longer you hold off, the more stress you'll experience, which will then impact on her; and that's obviously not what you want.

      Love comes and goes. Illusions can survive for centuries. Don't let your relationship become an illusion.
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    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      From experience I can tell you to try and stay with her. My girlfriend has borderline personality disorder which means she's emotionally very unstable and antisocial. Maaan it's hard. I know how you feel , you love her but it gets hard. The most important thing for me to have realized was that she can't help it. She's not acting like that cause she wants to torture me or piss me off. When I got around that mindset everything changed. You should really think about your feelings for her on a deep way. Do you REALLY love her? Can you see yourself in this type of relationship a few months/ even years from now? If not, then it's best you just end it. BUT really consider this. Me and my girlfriend split up for 2 weeks cause of the same issue you're having and you know, those 2 weeks I regret the most. I realized that I really loved her and I made a heck of a mistake. But when we got together again , the damage was done. She was already hurt and her faith in me has definitely changed even now, after 3 months since that unnecessary "break up". Think things carefully through and good luck. Email me if you're stuck.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by XDragonForceX ().

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      XDragonForceX wrote:

      From experience I can tell you to try and stay with her. My girlfriend has borderline personality disorder which means she's emotionally very unstable and antisocial. Maaan it's hard. I know how you feel , you love her but it gets hard. The most important thing for me to have realized was that she can't help it. She's not acting like that cause she wants to torture me or piss me off. When I got around that mindset everything changed. You should really think about your feelings for her on a deep way. Do you REALLY love her? Can you see yourself in this type of relationship a few months/ even years from now? If not, then it's best you just end it. BUT really consider this. Me and my girlfriend split up for 2 weeks cause of the same issue you're having and you know, those 2 weeks I regret the most. I realized that I really loved her and I made a heck of a mistake. But when we got together again , the damage was done. She was already hurt and her faith in me has definitely changed even now, after 3 months since that unnecessary "break up". Think things carefully through and good luck. Email me if you're stuck.


      My main point is what he just said, she can't help it. It comes with accepting the person as they are. You have to love them no matter what. You can't just love her 2/4 weeks. If that's the case, then you need to move on, because she deserves better. If you find that you're doubting being in a relationship as well, then you probably need to move on also.

      You just need to base the decision off of what YOU want. You can't not break up with her because you know it'll make her upset. Any break up isn't going to be good. But being in a relationship you don't want to be in and being unhappy is going to make her unhappy also and prolonging it is just going to make the break up worse in the long run.

      You need to figure out what is going to make you the happiest.
      I hope everything works out.
      Good luck.

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      it all up to you, are you willing to work past the pmsing? it depending on ur feelings for her and if ur willing to put up with it. if you dont wanna be with her don't drag it out longer. if ubreak up with her correctly u can still be friends with her.
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    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      Thanks for all of your input. Just to clarify:

      cassie--valentine wrote:

      You cant base your relationship decisions on a poll :/


      I wouldn't base my decision off of that, I was just curious what people would say.


      XDragonForceX wrote:

      The most important thing for me to have realized was that she can't help it.


      I do know she can't help her actions, today she actually said "I try to not be like that when with you." But though she tries not to be like that, she still is.


      kelly bean wrote:

      You have to love them no matter what. You can't just love her 2/4 weeks.


      To be honest, I'm not sure if I love her. I know I have the lust for her, but I don't think it's ever turned into actual love. A while back she started saying "I love you" to me, and I started saying back (partially because she would start to cry every time I didn't say it back). I know it's not really good to say that without completely meaning it, but it made her feel better.


      Though it usually just makes me worry about my decisions more, I'll continue to think on this, and hopefully talk to my close friends and parents about it (though that's a bit awkward).

      The post was edited 3 times, last by terracyber ().

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      You just have to do what you truly want. If you break up with her, of course she'll be hurt. There's no way around that. However, the longer you hold on when you really don't want to, the more her feelings will grow and she'll only be hurt more in the end. Now, her condition is something she can't help, but you have to decide if you think it's worth it to deal with it. You have to be able to accept her for who she is, all of her. And if you can't do that, you shouldn't be with her. Letting go may be the best thing for the both of you. Though, the decision is ultimately up to you. Do what you feel is the best thing to do.

      Also, it's understandable for you to wonder what being single might offer you. If you're not happy in your relationship anymore, you need to reevaluate it. Think about what it is you really want. Don't force yourself to stay in the relationship if you don't really want to be in it.

      Hope this helped.
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    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      Well, I shall be talking with my mom about this in a few minutes...
      I will post what I decide to do later tonight, and how it turns out next time I get on after tomorrow.


      I talked with my mom about it and I've decided I will break up with her. I'm going to wait until next week's Tuesday as I will be away from school for the rest of the week, so she will have time to accept it without seeing me (we also have a class together, so she wont see me there).


      I do like her, but I think it's making me stressed out too much to continue trying to keep her. I don't want to have us be angry at each other, but I think she will be, at least for several months.


      One bad thing about this is that we hang out with the same friends, so either she will join another social group, or we will just not spend time with our friends at the same time for awhile.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by terracyber: Adding info ().

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      No one can really tell you what to do. I have a ton of problems, and so does my boyfriend, but we haven't broken up because of any of that. If you honestly like/love her aside from her PMDD, then you should stay with her. It's not her fault she has it, you know?

      On the other hand, if it's been 11 months, and you're still not sure if you love her...That should say something to you. But my question to you is; If you've been with her for so long, and you aren;t sure you love her like you know she says she loves you, then why would you stay with her for so long as it is?

      That's just my opinion, though.
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      The post was edited 1 time, last by xuhmmxyeax ().

    • Re: Should I break up with her?

      I finally did break up with her today. From my perspective it ended okay, but not as well for her. She says that she still loves me, and always will even if I will only be friends with her. She also feels alone and as if I don't care (which are both not true, but still probably normal feelings after a breakup).

      I think in a week or two things will get a little easier for her, and in a month she will be alright, even if still saddened by it sometimes.