Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

    • Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      I told one of my really close friends in another state that I've realized I'm bisexual. He just told me that it's my choice whether I want to be bisexual or not. He says that it's a matter of self-control. I realize it's just his opinion, but I can't help but feel really hurt. It's taken me so long to feel comfortable with the fact that I like girls and he made me feel ashamed again.

      I told him that I'm upset about him saying this, but he just laughs about it. This is important to me. Is that wrong?
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      It has nothing to do with self control. Acting on any emotions certainly are but you CAN'T just blatantly ignore strong feelings/love for someone of the same gender.

      ---------- Post added at 04:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:30 PM ----------

      And you can't choose who you have feelings for.
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      Yea that does not sound like a good friend. It's not a choice trust if it was most of the people whould be straight by now.
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      xNerRadx wrote:

      Tell him his bitch ass wouldn't understand because he's not in your situation. You need to go make a new friend because he's worthless.


      Whoa now... I don't think you need to ruin a good friendship over something that minor. Who cares what other people say, it's just a label.
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      We had a huge fight about it. I told him that acting on feelings and emotions was about self-control, but you can't control what you feel. He told me I was wrong. He says that its about mental strength and want or desire is a decision.

      The reason we started fighting about this is because I said that I was so confused about it and sometimes it's hard and to that he started telling me that it's my decision and basically I don't have to be dealing with it if I don't want to, but all these years I have just been ignoring it and it's made me self-conscience. I would have let it go, but him basically telling me that I have no self-control set me off.

      I'm still pissed at him and we haven't talked since the fight. I tried to talk about it so we wouldn't be going to bed mad, but he just acted like nothing was wrong and obviously something was.

      The thing is, we've been really close and I'm not sure I want to end our friendship over this, but I'm not just going to just let it go. I don't have many friends so every friendship I do have is extremely important to me.

      I'm not sure where to go from here.
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      lcky wrote:

      We had a huge fight about it. I told him that acting on feelings and emotions was about self-control, but you can't control what you feel. He told me I was wrong. He says that its about mental strength and want or desire is a decision.

      The reason we started fighting about this is because I said that I was so confused about it and sometimes it's hard and to that he started telling me that it's my decision and basically I don't have to be dealing with it if I don't want to, but all these years I have just been ignoring it and it's made me self-conscience. I would have let it go, but him basically telling me that I have no self-control set me off.

      I'm still pissed at him and we haven't talked since the fight. I tried to talk about it so we wouldn't be going to bed mad, but he just acted like nothing was wrong and obviously something was.

      The thing is, we've been really close and I'm not sure I want to end our friendship over this, but I'm not just going to just let it go. I don't have many friends so every friendship I do have is extremely important to me.

      I'm not sure where to go from here.

      You have to understand that some people just aren't always going to accept homosexuality and bisexuality. I know it hurts, trust me I know, but you have to just not dwell on those things. Sexuality is not a choice, I would like to ask one of the bigots who say that it is whether or not they could ever be attracted to the same sex.
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      Red Stripe wrote:

      Whoa now... I don't think you need to ruin a good friendship over something that minor. Who cares what other people say, it's just a label.


      It's obviously not minor if it hurts her. And he's not a good friend if he doesn't consider her feelings. Where's this good friendship your talking about? I wouldn't want an ignorant friend like that.
    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      There's a lot of confusion about bisexuality. This confusion is primarily caused by teenage girls who go through a phase where they think they're bisexual but they're actually not, try kissing women etc. This, to me, is not true bisexuality. You are born with your sexuality, but this common image makes people think it is simply a phase because for some it is. I've had the whole 'it's just a choice/phase' shit about my asexuality, so I know how it feels.
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    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      Being Straight/Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual etc. is definitely not a choice, more like something you feel and can't control. I hate it when people act like you chose to be Gay or something but you can't really control what you feel towards another sex, for example if I saw a girl naked standing in front of me I probably wouldn't get a big ass boner. But if it was a guy instead, I would get hard right away with pre-cum leaking out...I can't control it, even if I didn't want to get a boner I would still get it anyways right?

      In conclusion, it's not a choice.
    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      hurpdurp wrote:

      I WISH it was a choice....oh what I'd give to be normal.

      Anyway, if your friend is really close to you, he should be able to accept you...if not, there's no point in pretending to be someone you're not for his benefit.


      I am sure you are normal! Everyone is "normal" I mean what does it mean "not to be normal"? There is no line (in my opinion) between "normal" and "not normal".

      I am gay and I am happy! Ok, my BF lives 5000 miles away. But who cares! I love him he and me are happy! we talk every day! You only get one life, so live it to the MAX! If your not happy whats the point of life?

      On topic:

      In my opinion I think your friend was wrong to say that... but everyone is entitled to their opinions right?
      I believe that it isn't a choice your just like that (gay, straight, bisexual, transsexual....) from when you were born! I have had terrible trouble getting to know myself but now I just accept it! :)
    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      Well, sexuality is so diverse, it is really hard to say whether it is a choice or not. From a biological standpoint, it is not a choice. If it was, you would not be attracted to the same sex.
      But you have a choice to act upon it. But to not act upon it because of fear is just foolish. You have one life and should just live it to the fullest.
      So no, I do not believe it is a choice.

      But when people say that homosexuality is not normal, I say this:

      "What is 'normal'? How can you define 'normal'? Sorry to say, but there is no such thing as 'normal'. Everything is normal, but at the same time, everything is not normal. Heterosexuality is not normal either, it is just the majority."

      And when people say that you can't reproduce, I think:

      Who gives a flying fuck? There are enough people in this world. There are children who are stuck in orphanages that wish they had a home, and you preaching that just because you can't reproduce when you are gay, it is not normal.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Tomb ().

    • Re: Being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual a choice?

      I know for sure that it's not a choice.
      I first discovered I fancied people of the same gender and the opposite when I was about six years old. I don't really remember that much, only that I didn't really care about it, I just didn't talk about it because no one else did. I was about eleven when I went online and looked up males being attracted to males and thats when I first discovered the word bi-sexual and its definition. That's when I really started to get confused and upset, everyone joked around and made homophobic jokes and it made me feel very alone and very different, especially considering I grew up in a very small town and so I didn't get inspiration from anyone.. I don't want to go into my life story too much in case I bore everyone but basically when I met my first boyfriend at 16 years old, I started to fully happily accept the fact I liked men as well as woman.
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      The post was edited 6 times, last by George.&lt;(^^,)&gt; ().