.....break

    • .....break

      My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and five months, but this past Saturday we started to go on a break. We had been thinking about this and planning it for a couple of weeks. We mainly decided to take this break because of our fighting and that a break would help it....as well as for her to experience sex with a guy since she never has and I have.

      Sunday night however, she texted me and said she was going to bed because she was tired....instead she fooled around with her friend/ex-boyfriend. She had been texting me saying she loves me and was thinking of me. I don't know what all went on because she wrote me a letter and is in the mail. The next day, Monday is that day she had sex with the same person as mentioned....this however we had discussed about. Earlier in the day however she said she wasn't sure if she was going to go through with it...but in the end she did. I know she wants to have the experience and we had discussed it, but I didn't think she would actually go through with it...not if she loved me as much as she says she does.

      I know I want to be with her forever...but she's not %100 sure and so she is taking this break to make sure. I know she loves me and the only reason this break is continuing is so we don't fight as much anymore...but the thought of her doing stuff with other people makes my stomach hurt and makes me very depressed.

      The two talked about getting back together and she said that because of their past and all that, they wouldn't get back together. She also said to him that she could she herself being with me more than 10 years from now...then why could she go and fool around with him and have sex with him(although I knew about it)?

      She wrote me two letters...one about Sunday night and one about Monday. She sent both together in the mail and I should be getting it the next couple of days. We talked on the phone about stuff and things are in a pretty good place right now and I don't want that to change. So the question is, do I read the letters or not and risk thinking about what happened until whenever....or do I not read them and think about what happened and not know? Either way, I will be thinking about it. Just thought I would ask people's opinions and if there are any questions you have to ask in order to develop a response, please ask. Thank you for taking the time in reading this. I appreciate it.

    • Re: .....break

      You should read the letters. She took the time to write them so that she could clarify the situation FOR you. Maybe reading them will make you feel better about the situation.
      If it doesn't, then at least you know the whole truth, and you won't spend time hurting and wondering what might have happened. It'll be easier in the long run if you two are completely honest with each other. I see that the two of you have a loving, communciative relationship. You both agreed to this. You both agreed to take a break and let her experiment with other people, especially guys. You gave her permission to have sex with another guy, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that she did. I understand how INCREDIBLY hurtful it can be to think about the one you love being intimate in that level with anyone other than you, and you probably wanted to do what was best for your relationship without realizing it might hurt so badly...but the fact of the matter is, it happened. And you need to clear the air. You need to discuss it, calmly, and see where your feelings are. You both are clearly comfortable telling each other these things, so it shouldn't be a problem. If you want to continue with the break, you should make guidelines you both feel ok with complying. Like, would it be unreasonable to her if you asked her to not have any more sex with men now she has experienced it? Because she might think differently. But if you plan on being together long-term, you have to find a way to work it out, compromise so that this situation isn't totally painful for both of you, but instead lets you grow. Also, why not go out with friends? Take up your time with something fun, keep busy doing hobbies. Make the most of this time apart, and try out new activities so that you don't dwell on this too much.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by ohemgee11 ().