some stuff i've written, feeback anyone?

Ambergail · 12-02-2007, 12:04 PM

A Beautiful Wait
Light, splashed across a canvas of midnight
Casting eerie gray shadows that dance and quiver
In the cool night breeze
And it’s the start of a beautiful wait
A wait for everything to feel perfect
A wait for when you finally figure out
What you’re doing and where you’re going
And a wait for who you really are
the beautiful start to
The wait of your life.

Diner
She sits alone,
Slowly sipping her coffee.
All that can be heard is the endless
Hum of the lights like 1,000
Angry bees trapped in an enormous glass jar.
The odor of cigarettes and burnt coffee
Hangs in the air like old, musty clothes
Hang in a long-forgotten closet.
The world outside it still,
The city is asleep;
All but her and the woman behind the counter, that is.
When the girl came in the place had been
Busy and she took the first empty table she saw.
Now the place is almost deserted.
Who knows how long she’s been sitting there
But now she’s glad she chose this table.
It’s far enough away from the counter that
The lady behind the counter won’t ask her questions.
Questions; that’s what got her into this situation
In the first place,
Too many questions
And not enough answers

Hiding in plain sight
Out in the rain
Letting it wash over me
As it numbs the pain of the
Broken promises and broken dreams
With it’s icy cold touch
It’s safe here
I know it is
I can just feel it
All my pains and fears melt away
In this damp haven
It protects me, holding
Me tight in its frigid embrace
The wind whips by me
Whispering calmingly in my ear
Telling me it will be all right and
It let me believe it too
Just to rip it away once I step
Into reality
All my pains and worries
Come rushing back
With sharp intensity

Paralytic · 12-02-2007, 11:47 PM

Wonderful.

You have a pretty extensive vocabulary.

Lilgirl · 12-06-2007, 05:57 AM

Its very sensitive,keep up the good work!