I don't want to lose her

    • I don't want to lose her

      My boyfriend just dumped last month. The pain was very . . crucial, I think. And the week after he broke up with me I broke down, like crying and getting sick and everything.

      A week or so maybe after we broke up, all these guys started. . I don't know, popping? LOL. What I'm trying to say is . . when we broke up, it's like many boys came up to me, and I felt them liking me, not being conceited or anything (because you know, you'd actually FEEL if someone likes you or not, right?).

      One of these guys apparently, is the crush of one of my closest friends. In fact, I thnk she's my next closest to my best friend. Yeah, we're that tight. And I feel guilty that her crush likes me. I mean, he calls me "crush" and everything and gives me fan page about crushes and stuff on facebook, and whenever I remember how crazy my friend is about him . . I just . . :|

      I really don't necessarily like this guy. I mean, I think I do, but not in the romantic sense. He's a really great friend, but I can do without him, I guess.

      How do I calmly push him away without being rude? I mean, how can I do this to myself when I still know I'm not yet over my ex? It's our exams, and I can't concentrate. I feel uber guilty. This is always happening to me.

      I don't want to lose this friend of mine. She's a lot to lose . . A LOT.

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      I think that the best thing to do would be to talk to the guy and quite simply say "I'd rather we just stay friends, for now at least". Then, after your exams, a couple of months later maybe, you can see if your friend still likes him. When they've gone off each other, then you can decide more clearly. If they get together, great, that's a problem off your shoulders. If he resists and tells you he wants you not her, then you have to come clean to your friend and tell him to back off because you would feel guilty and/or you need to concentrate on your exams which are more important than romance at the moment. Also mention that you just got out of a relationship that messed you up and you're not ready for anyone else. He's a guy he'll understand.
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Purple"][CENTER][I]
      Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned,
      Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT][/I]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Hey, thanks. I'm from the Philippines, and this guy is like, my classmate. I can't NOT see or talk to him, otherwise he'd say I''m a snob or conceited or something.

      Is it necessary for me to tell my friend about this? I mean, I can see just how crazy she is for this guy (she panics when her reply to him is delayed by how many seconds. yes, i KNOW) and knowing this . . Oh God

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Hm, it's not necessary for her to know this under the current circumstances. She doesn't need to know anything now because it's all harmless at the moment. However, if this guy tries to be more intimate with you, and doesn't stop when you ask him, then it may be time to tell your friend. He's just being a guy, seeing who he likes best, that's natural. Don't think about what comes after yet. For now, just think about this guy, and how you can reason with him. Explain all the reasons you can't be in a relationship and e'll get over it. If not, be more insistent. That's all you can do really, to be honest. Only tell your friend if it gets too out of hand.
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Purple"][CENTER][I]
      Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned,
      Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT][/I]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Well, he's not being insistent at all. All he says is he likes me, and I don't even think he's courting me or anything. This might damage our friendship, and that's what I hate about these kinds of stuff.

      If I like, tell my friend this, she'd freak out and probably bawl her eyes out. I saw her like that once in sophomore year. I didn't like it one bit

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Ah. She's that kind of friend lol. Okay. Well then for now the only solution is to sit back and wait to see what happens. It's up to you whether you have a word with him or not. I advise you to, but it may not be necessary - that, however, remains to be seen. So, your choices are to sit back and wait or to talk with him and tell him the situation and that you don't want it to go further. Yeah? Is there anything else that needs to be taken into account?
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Purple"][CENTER][I]
      Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned,
      Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT][/I]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      rrose1015 wrote:

      My boyfriend just dumped last month. The pain was very . . crucial, I think. And the week after he broke up with me I broke down, like crying and getting sick and everything.

      A week or so maybe after we broke up, all these guys started. . I don't know, popping? LOL. What I'm trying to say is . . when we broke up, it's like many boys came up to me, and I felt them liking me, not being conceited or anything (because you know, you'd actually FEEL if someone likes you or not, right?).

      One of these guys apparently, is the crush of one of my closest friends. In fact, I thnk she's my next closest to my best friend. Yeah, we're that tight. And I feel guilty that her crush likes me. I mean, he calls me "crush" and everything and gives me fan page about crushes and stuff on facebook, and whenever I remember how crazy my friend is about him . . I just . . :|

      I really don't necessarily like this guy. I mean, I think I do, but not in the romantic sense. He's a really great friend, but I can do without him, I guess.

      How do I calmly push him away without being rude? I mean, how can I do this to myself when I still know I'm not yet over my ex? It's our exams, and I can't concentrate. I feel uber guilty. This is always happening to me.

      I don't want to lose this friend of mine. She's a lot to lose . . A LOT.


      Hello,
      In all honesty, you can't really push a guy calmly away because he will just come right back to you because they are so clueless about certain things, so it's best if you just tell him like it is, and even if he's hurt for a short period of time he'll get over it eventually. But if you feel as if that would be rude, you can just tell him to go for whats right in front of him and hint towards your friend, so that he could possibly give her a chance.

      Instead of thinking you pushing him away will make you rude, just think of it as something that is necessary to make yourself feel better, and prevent you from losing a friend.

      I know it may be hard for you to concentrate in school with the feeling of guilt,
      but the only way to get rid of that feeling is to get rid of the source of whats causing you to feel that way, and once you get rid of him you can start concentrating on your exams, trust me I know from experience how hard it might be, and how you don't want to seem rude; but you have to do what you have to do, and even if that means people think you're rude in the end just say "Screw it" and keep your head high and feel good knowing the fact that you still have your friend, and that you still have the chance to further your education so you can do something with your life.

      x
      Real eyes, Realize, Real lies.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Anastasia Salikhova wrote:

      Ah. She's that kind of friend lol. Okay. Well then for now the only solution is to sit back and wait to see what happens. It's up to you whether you have a word with him or not. I advise you to, but it may not be necessary - that, however, remains to be seen. So, your choices are to sit back and wait or to talk with him and tell him the situation and that you don't want it to go further. Yeah? Is there anything else that needs to be taken into account?



      This is really weird since what happened today was like, I called for my friend, and I hugged her. And she told me she was having a bad day yesterday and I was one of the reasons why. Then she told me that she thinksher crush might like me, and while I was hugging her tightly, she was like, "Please tell me that's not true. It wasn't true, right?" I can't lie nor can I tell the truth. I feel awkward now talking or just even getting near her.

      As for the guy, well. Seems like he always wants to talk with me and always checks if I go online. He's a really nice guy and I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm touched by some of these things he tells me, and I appreciate he likes me, but I'm still hurt with my past breakup.

      P.S. I'm the type of girl who is NOT good at all with confrontations.

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Just to verify, did you actually tell your friend whether or not it was true?

      Okay well the fact that she knows is a step forward, even though it may not feel like it. It's getting closer to getting things sorted now. You need to make it clear to her that you don't like whoever this guy is. Perhaps call him a jerk for going after you when it's clear she likes him more. Something like that yeah? Even though you might not think it, it'll probably help her to hear you say it, because it confirms that you don't have similar feelings.

      No matter what the situation is, no matter how you look at it, every problem is overcome with courage. I know that you're not good with confrontation but dude I think that you're gonna have to push yourself and actually make it clear to this guy that you don't want to be with him in that way (in a nice way of course) and make the same fact clear to your friend. Also, she'll be feeling crappy that the guy she likes has gone for someone else, so you need to comfort her. she might blame you at first but it won't last long.
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Purple"][CENTER][I]
      Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned,
      Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT][/I]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Alisha wrote:

      Hello,
      In all honesty, you can't really push a guy calmly away because he will just come right back to you because they are so clueless about certain things, so it's best if you just tell him like it is, and even if he's hurt for a short period of time he'll get over it eventually. But if you feel as if that would be rude, you can just tell him to go for whats right in front of him and hint towards your friend, so that he could possibly give her a chance.

      Instead of thinking you pushing him away will make you rude, just think of it as something that is necessary to make yourself feel better, and prevent you from losing a friend.

      I know it may be hard for you to concentrate in school with the feeling of guilt,
      but the only way to get rid of that feeling is to get rid of the source of whats causing you to feel that way, and once you get rid of him you can start concentrating on your exams, trust me I know from experience how hard it might be, and how you don't want to seem rude; but you have to do what you have to do, and even if that means people think you're rude in the end just say "Screw it" and keep your head high and feel good knowing the fact that you still have your friend, and that you still have the chance to further your education so you can do something with your life.

      x


      I already tried that, but I don't know. Getting him to talk to my friend is torture and all he says is, "When yoi're online, you're priority" and stuff like that. I hate it :| I appreciate what he's doing for me but I don't want to rush into something new again, knowing hat I'll just get hurt in the long run anyway. What's difficult here is that I'm the kind of girl who can't find the words to say to what she thinks. And I'm super afraid of confrontation I think I'd faint.

      Well, it is rude, but whatever. He always sweet talks to me, and I feel guilty every time. This is not the first time this happened to me; and with the previous times it also happened with my closest friends. Aaaah :/

      Our exams are done. Just 12 hours ago. Failed the Bio midterm. Whatever. This sitch is eating me up. I don't know. I don't know how to tell him nicely to back off because right now I just need some considerate people who'd also think of these post-breakup stages I'm going through (btw, this is my first) and all the hurt I'm feeling. I don't know how to tell my friend everything, honestly.

      High school is fucking hard.

      ---------- Post added at 08:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:53 AM ----------

      Uh, no. not really. I was burying my face in shame the whole time I was hugging her. The moment she was asking this, our tests started (we have our tests in our rooms and we're not classmates.)

      Oh wait. I think I left something out. Remember that thing when I said he calls me "crush" and everything? I USED TO call him back like that. Same name, "crush". But, like, hey. I do this with all the other guys and I didn't think he's actually take it seriously :/ I think he has an idea I don't like him the way he likes me, but I'm afraid to ask. I'm such a coward.

      Mmhmm, yeah I think I do. i still have one requirement for school in mind that's like blocking me right now, and besides that crappy school requirement, this is my first priority.

      How can I tell her and comfort her when I'm even afraid to go near her? There's this weird aura whenever we're at the same place, and I just sat on a different table earlier in the library to avoid her, with the lamest excuse of "studying". She's not the whole "I hate you and I blame you" type of girl, especially with her friends, but she's VERY fragile. God.

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      The fact that you used to call this guy Crush would have encouraged him, but you say you used to, so I take it you don't now, which is good, nothing to worry about then. Just don't call him that in the future. And no, you're not a coward. The fact that you're afraid of hurting these two people who you care about shows that you are kind hearted :)

      She's fragile, that's right, and you sitting on the other table with that completely transparent excuse will have hurt her a little. You need to face up to your fears and confront her, and tell her what the situation is, and that you don't have feelings for this guy, whether you do or not. She seems a little unstable with this sort of thing, so the kind of comfort she needs will be someone who is calm and considerate, who can think straight and actually help her make her mind up as to what to do. She'll end up making her own mind up but having someone there to do the thinking will help. Also her fragile nature will require lots of kindness and "you know you've got me"s.
      Just simply be there for her, and try to make it clear to the guy that you don't want him, through subtle but sure hints that won't hurt his feelings. That's all you really can do to be honest.

      Don't think bad of yourself. You did nothing wrong. You know that, she knows that.
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Purple"][CENTER][I]
      Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned,
      Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT][/I]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      After what happened, i don't think i ever will again :))) What my other friend (another friend whom I ask for advice) is asking me to avoid him and stop talking to him for my friend's sake. This is actually chicken, but considering he IM's me whenever i go online on facebook,sometimes i just think i'd be better off deactivating my account again.

      she's fragile alright. i IM'ed her on facebook, minutes before this. Something you said about confronting, and since i can't do that personally (well, not YET) i think facebook chat is at least another step closer. i don't know what to tell her now.:/

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Anastasia Salikhova wrote:

      I think that the best thing to do would be to talk to the guy and quite simply say "I'd rather we just stay friends, for now at least". Then, after your exams, a couple of months later maybe, you can see if your friend still likes him. When they've gone off each other, then you can decide more clearly.

      Personally think that's a bad idea. Never leave someone hanging, unfortunately a lot of women do this. It gives the impression that you may be interested in the future, which you probably wont be.

      Any guys reading this: If a women says "not right now" or words to that effect, take it to mean no. Just forget her, cut her off and move on, or risk being friends with her, a horrible fate. This works both ways as well, ie. men do it to women.

      If they like you, they like you, if they don't, they wont.

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      Talking to her on facebook is a good idea for a start :) And cutting the guy out is unrealistic because you will see him often.
      well, if you're still talking to her on facebook or something, just talk it through with her and just let it flow, you know? Don't be too scared about what you say, otherwise you won't get anything out, but try not to say that you have any feelings or him or that you called each other Crush or anything. Just let it flow and talk it through with her. She'll understand :)
      [FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Purple"][CENTER][I]
      Heaven hath no rage like love to hatred turned,
      Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [/CENTER][/COLOR][/FONT][/I]

    • Re: I don't want to lose her

      yeah, you have a point :/ but you know? there's always option ignore. which i don't find amusing.

      she told me it was just her theory and concluded it because of some of the things he did (they're pretty close. like best friend close) like taking extra care of this note i wrote for him. wow. she told me that i was very likable and that this is natural. i think it killed her to say that. this is not the first time this has happened to me, and i am getting sick of it everytime.

      ---------- Post added at 09:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:07 AM ----------

      you still have school and stuff like that, right?what if you run into each other in the hallways or something?what are you like,supposed to do?