Hey, i'm new to this site and i think it is really great

Right...Here's the thing. I have had something for a girl from the very first moment i saw her back when i was 10/11 as you do when you're that young. Not that i really cared much for girls or known a thing about it then. I used to live in the same village as her back then and i will always remember her asking me to go to the park to maybe find her one day, i was confused back then and didn't have a clue what to do, could and probably just a nice sign of friendship i guess.

As time went by word broke out that i "fancied" her (is just so typical of immature kids to say that). I did like her but nothing more as i was way too young to really consider anything more than being friends. So i passed it away and just said that i liked her and that was that sorted thank god.

Anyways...As we both moved on into secondary school in the exact same classes we never really ever spoke to each other and neither did any of the rest of my friends with any other girls as in my school girls only like the "Badboys" and me and my friends were just the typical quiet ones who would sit back and watch.

The first year of secondary school i really didn't give a crap about having a girlfriend or anything as i still thought i was too young. My friends didn't have any girlfriends either so there was no pressure, admitting you liked are girl would lead up to a lot of embarressing unwanted attention back then unless you was popular. The girl's friends all had boyfriends which i just laughed at the thought of, but the girl herself was NEVER interested in such things and would always be quiet and deny it.

Now into my 2nd year of school i suddenly had a real attraction to her again and i kept it to myself for a whole year. Sometimes i would debate that i would never be with her as i had complications with where i was going to live and decided i would try and get over the feelings. Then a friend of mine declared he liked her and i think that totally got me over her but at the same time got me thinking "What if?". Same again she wasn't interested one bit in going out with anyone unlike everyone of her friends around her.

Me being stupid i decided to tell her i had feelings for her on what i thought would be my last ever day at that school (I was leaving to live in France). I think that her best friend kinda knew that i liked her because i sat in between both of them and they would flirt with me and i would get the feelings i had for her back and i think her best friend knew something was going on.

So when the last period of what i thought was going to be my last ever day come, my friends cough it out...Which was the worst thing that could have happened. I was going to have a little walk with the girl and tell her what i felt for her but instead I was hammered by all the attention and she was totally embarressed yet again from another boy liking her so she decides to try and rush to her bus so she doesn't have to talk to me or get unwanted attention by her friends. I really was gutted the way things worked out...

Then i move to France for a year and am about to move back to the UK to get my GCSE's done after struggling massivly in France.

Here's my question. Can i refresh things with her? I haven't seen anybody in a year so i could be a totally different person from what i was then. I think i am a different person now, after my experiences i wonder if i am emo or not, my family and friends i have been in touch with think i am Would she think i am a total creep now and avoid me at all times? Or would it be possible to actually talk to her alone to apologise for what i did and hope that we can be friends. We were good friends in my 2nd year and i would like to be even better friends in the next year. I don't have the feelings i once had for her anymore, i am more aware of what relationships are like.

Having been so very very lonely and depressed with my experiences and not being able to talk about it to anyone who understands me at all hurts a lot. I hear my friends are now starting to have girlfriends and i think it would make me very uncomfortable. I would really like to make a nice new fresh start as i am a much deeper person now and am much more "Good-looking" as friends and family say (haha XD) and hopefully live how a i should be living. I have never been kissed, hugged, had any real friends that were or ever had any attention from girls in my life before and i am getting to the age where i think it is what i need to start experiencing, is this just me being confused as a normal 14/15 year old is or does this actually make sence?

Sorry for all the text, it's the way i am. I like poetry and writing songs to calm my emotions and writing on this has already made me much less stressed than i normally am. Thanks

Thanks, yeah....I think things work a little different here in the UK than the US when it comes to relationships. Hopefully year 10 will be more mature and understanding. Would be useful if i was moving back to the village that i once lived in by her but will definately not happen.

I really think i can be a more open minded friend to both my old friends and hopefully some of the girls.

It wouldn't be the end of the world if she has a boyfriend or anything as i don't have a clue what she is like now and am not going to be looking to start anything with her. I just want to know what it feels like to actually have somebody who actually understands me.

I think everyone will be shocked at how different i have become in the past year, my appearance and personality is what i would call exciting yet interesting. I have built a lot more confidence through reading these forums and other advise.

Thanks for the advise and your thoughts

I think it will probably be a little awkward at first but i will try and clear things up with her and others i guess, i remember bumping into some of the girls that i used to be in classes with when i was thrashing my mates at pool hehe, they didn't believe that it was me

Some good advise that :o

Yeah, not sure if i probably will still like her when i get back.... I have had the thoughts of being happy with a girl but not with any girl in paticular, i shall see when i get the chance to talk to her i guess.