Cheating

    • Cheating

      So my boyfriend Cheated on me back in May. We broke up and took a month apart and got back together. He decided he actually wants me and doesn't wanna eff this up, and I realized I'm worth more than cheating. However, I'm having trouble trusting him.

      Actually, it's only with one girl. They're good friends and are planning on going to acting school together the year after next. She has a boyfriend but she's always flirty with him. I told him it bothers me, but he tells me I need to trust him and that he likes me and not her.

      Am I being ridiculous for having problems trusting him being such close friends with another girl? Or does he deserve this after what he's done? I've never been cheated on before so I really need advice. I want us to work out but I get upset whenever I find out they even hung out. They're out drinking together now and it's 2:30am, but he's been texting me like every 10 mins so I know nothings going on but I'm still so paranoid.

    • Re: Cheating

      He cheated on you, he's hanging out with another girl. You do have a right to have trust issues with him. You may never get over him cheating on you that first time. So don't feel like you're being ridiculous. Because you're not.

      He's texting you, nothings going on at the moment. So as long as you know that, don't worry. Just make sure you keep letting him know you're feeling this way, so he'll keep reassuring you and letting you know what's going on. It will also make him think about what he's doing if he ever does plan on cheating again. As long as you let him know you're worried, he will be thinking about his actions.
      [LEFT][SIZE=2]"Adapt and Overcome"[/SIZE][/LEFT]
      [RIGHT]"Funny how the truth sounds so cliche"[/RIGHT]
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    • Re: Cheating

      It's understandable for you to have trouble trusting him. He broke your trust and it's not something easily repaired. If you want this to work, I think you need to ask yourself whether or not, at some point, you can really put it past you and move forward with him. If you can't do that, which is completely understandable, this relationship isn't going to work. Trust has to be there, or else you'll find yourself feeling like this all the time. If you feel like you can't move past it, then I think you should reevaluate the relationship and see if it's really worth it to you.

      If you truly want this to work and you think it's worth it, you're going to have to work together to get through this. Remember to keep communication open and tell him how you're feeling, and he's going to have to work to gain your trust back by just showing you that he really wants this to work and, basically, not doing it again. It's not just his words that are going to prove it to you, it's his actions as well. It's going to take some time, but like I said, you do need to ask yourself if this is something you're going to be able to move past. If he's not giving you reasons, at the moment, to doubt him, then try not to worry.

      Just my opinion.
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    • Re: Cheating

      It's over. Sorry.

      If just them hanging out bothers you, it's going to come down to a you or her situation. And that's a bad way to have a relationship. They're obviously both attracted to each other and have feelings (even if they'd never actually want to be 'together') for each other. A weak moment, a couple of beers, a fight with you, and there will be billions of opportunities to have sex again. Hey, maybe she'll convince him with "hey, just give me a kiss, I'm lonely." or "Oral sex doesn't count as cheating" and before you know it, they're doing it again.

    • Re: Cheating

      Honestly, I don't think you should even give him the time of day. You have every right to have trust issues with him now, especially since he is still hanging out with her. I would be the same way. I wouldn't ever take back anyone who cheated on me, even once. You deserve better than that. I would tell him he needs to quit hanging around her or it's over. It's not worth wondering every minute that he's with her if he's being unfaithful or not. You don't have to be in a relationship like that.

    • Re: Cheating

      Having trust issues is completely understandable, it takes a lot to build up trust and he's broken that trust you shared so don't feel like your being ridiculous because your not.
      If he's hanging out with another girl and you've told him you don't like him doing it and he continues to see the girl then your never going to be able to trust him again so maybe try explaining to him again why it bothers you because if you don't he may end up cheating on you again but then again he may not, but do you really want to risk it happening again?
      Do what you think is right, but no one deserves to be cheated on.
      And i feel like I'm [COLOR="Red"]breaking[/COLOR] up and I wanted to [COLOR="red"]stay[/COLOR]...(8)

    • Re: Cheating

      Thanks guys. I understand what everyone is saying and I appreciate the support. I never thought I'd tolerate cheating, I always told myself I never would. But then suddenly it was my boyfriend and I was in love. I was hurt but I loved him and didn't want to lose him. I really think I can get past it, it's just going to take work. He's been friends with this girl for a while and constantly does reassure me. Last night I broke down crying and told him I loved him and couldn't be cheated on again, I told him I was scared he was going to fall in love with her and leave me. He hugged me and kissed me and told me that he loves me and he can't see that changing anytime soon. I know they're just friends I really do believe him, I guess I'm just jealous. This girl is gorgeous, smart, funny and super nice. I guess my own insecurities against myself is what's making me uncomfortable. I feel like she's a lot of what I want to be... when I know he's hanging with her I'm scared he's going to realize it too. He's given me no reason to doubt him though he always texts me when they're hanging out and he's been really good to me since we got back together. I just need to find a way to get over being jealous of her, I don't get this annoyed when he hangs out with girls from his work, etc.

    • Re: Cheating

      I know a lot of you guys think that I'm stupid for staying with him, but he really is making a valiant effort to change. I sat him down and told him how I felt uncomfortable because I didn't know this girl who he talks to all the time. He invited her over and we all spent the day together and it was really nice, and it showed me he wants me to know that there's nothing to worry about. Communication really is key, we've been making sure to discuss all our problems recently and things are already feeling better. I'm slowly building back my trust for him. I was really happy that he let me get to know this friend of his. She seems really nice so I'm not so paranoid anymore.

    • Re: Cheating

      Hey there

      I was in your position in July. I know exactly what you're going through right now. The girl I was with cheated on me with not only one, but two different guys. The way I handled it, I just tried to focus on the here and now. I really cared for the girl, so I gave her a second chance. That's what you need to do, and that's what you said you're doing. What it really comes down to is your personal philosophy on cheating. You have to decide whether you're the type of person who believes "once a cheater always a cheater" or someone who believes in second chances.

      A little worry is completely natural, but I don't think he (or most importantly, the relationship) deserves it. When this sort of thing happens, if both people agree that they want things to work, then you absolutely must get the relationship to where it was before. Or you have to get it to the point where it's better than it was before the cheating. By being super vigilant and paranoid, you're keeping the cheating at the forefront of conversation. Do you get what I mean? I personally believe to fix an unfaithful relationship, you have to forgive and forget. To rebuild that trust you can't constantly be looking into the past at what he did, you have to focus on the little things he's doing right now (such as texting you often) that show that he can be trusted. It'll take time and energy, but things should go back to the way they were.

      In short, forget what happened, focus on the here and now in order to get your relationship healthy again.
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      [CENTER]The only angels we need invoke are those of our better nature; reason, honesty and love.
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      The post was edited 2 times, last by Poo-tee-weet? ().

    • Re: Cheating

      Christopher wrote:

      Hey there

      I was in your position in July. I know exactly what you're going through right now. The girl I was with cheated on me with not only one, but two different guys. The way I handled it, I just tried to focus on the here and now. I really cared for the girl, so I gave her a second chance. That's what you need to do, and that's what you said you're doing. What it really comes down to is your personal philosophy on cheating. You have to decide whether you're the type of person who believes "once a cheater always a cheater" or someone who believes in second chances.

      A little worry is completely natural, but I don't think he (or most importantly, the relationship) deserves it. When this sort of thing happens, if both people agree that they want things to work, then you absolutely must get the relationship to where it was before. Or you have to get it to the point where it's better than it was before the cheating. By being super vigilant and paranoid, you're keeping the cheating at the forefront of conversation. Do you get what I mean? I personally believe to fix an unfaithful relationship, you have to forgive and forget. To rebuild that trust you can't constantly be looking into the past at what he did, you have to focus on the little things he's doing right now (such as texting you often) that show that he can be trusted. It'll take time and energy, but things should go back to the way they were.

      In short, forget what happened, focus on the here and now in order to get your relationship healthy again.


      Thank you so much! I completely agree. We've already talked in detail about the incident, like why he did it and how we were feeling at the time etc. Everything's been discussed so I agree with you, I need to forget it and move on like it didn't happen. Focusing on it is only bring back the bad memories and I really want this to work out. Thank you so much for your advice, I'm going to try and put it all in the past now. :)

    • Re: Cheating

      You are perfectly justified in wondering where his dick is, seeing as he seems to have problems finding not only the right hole but the right girl. But you have to realize this paranoia you're experiencing won't go away, and you have to figure out if he's worth subjecting yourself to non-stop worrying over his genitalia.

    • Re: Cheating

      Quill wrote:

      I havn't read any of the previous texts but this is my opinion; This is completely fucked, he does that to you with this girl and he's still hanging out with her drinking until 2.30 am in the morning? Really?



      The girl that he cheated on me with, and the girl that's his friend that he goes drinking with are two different people lol, I said that in my main post. Anyways, the girl who he kissed moved away so I'm not overly concerned anymore (except her obnoxious wall posts on his facebook). I was concerned about the girl, even though he texted me the entire time he was out drinking with her. He realized my discomfort with him being close with a girl I don't know so he invited her over and we hung out for a day. I know her now and don't have issues with her anymore. She turned out to be a sweet girl and I took her over-the-top niceness as flirting. I'm not insecure about these two girls anymore, I just became paranoid. However, as someone suggested, the only way I can have a normal relationship is to forgive and forget, so I'm doing so. He's proved he's sorry and tried to make up for it, so as of now I have no reason to distrust him. I believe people can change, and I know he loves me and still feels terrible for what he did.


      I realize I'm probably being stupid and none of my friends support me, but I can't help it. I've always been extremely nice and forgiving. I know I should have dumped him without even giving him a second chance but that's not my nature. I try to believe in the best in people and it usually comes back to bite me in the ass so I wouldn't be surprised if this did. However, I go by my heart and not my head and I love him too much. I know I'm a naive little girl, but I want to believe in the best of him. I want things to finally go right for me. I don't know, I'm rambling..

      The post was edited 1 time, last by glitter ().