The issue is that the relationship is extremely one sided, in terms of me putting in more than Joanne, this is what needs to change

I don't like to view relationships as one having dominance over the other, usually when it comes to that it tends to ruin the image of a 'partnership'. It's always better having mutual respect for your spouse, things are always less rocky that way.

It's not a matter of having control over a certain situation, yet learning how to work together on the issue at hand. Obviously, there's going to be those times where that nasty little monster of "who's right and who's wrong" pops up however, in the long run those are things you learn to accept as a couple and learn to work out, too.

You're a girl. You're not supposed to be the dominant one.

^ Yeah, and she should be making sandwiches in order to work harder in the relationship right?

I think you should focus on what you can do in the relationship that Kevin does that you don't. Think about all the things he does which he considers the "work" of the relationship, and how you could try and do the same for him a little bit more.

Girls dont control, but infact they follow. Girls never lead, infact they like being lead which should be reason why you've never been dominant in your relationship. My advice is to dont even try being controlling, because if by chance you begin to control your guy, and he does indeed get controlled, you'll get bored. I know you're trying to say that you dont mean to control him or something, but you're actually ARE looking for ways to control, yes.

I agree with Cade.
And WTH is wrong with you sexist and mysoginic people???

My opinion is that if you don't contribute enough, you shoul start contributing more. Sounds stupid, I know, but what else?
Idk how does that work in long distance but in short distanec it can be - you ask him out, you make plans for weekend, where to go and what to do, you bring movie to watch, you ask him to go in theater with you....
Of course, you accept some of his ideas too. But you should also contribute.
Once again, Idk how to do that in L-D. Idk exactly what do you do? Hang out on skype? Do same thing at the same time?

Try to make more decisions in the relationship. It could help a lot. Even little things like deciding on where to go out to eat. I think what you want is to be more decisive, and I understand how you don't want to be "controlling". Be the one who reminds the other that an important anniversary is coming up. If you have a problem in the relationship, bring it up to the person in a calm way. Little things too like you being the one who initiates hand holding, kissing, etc. Open doors for him, make him cook (:p), all of those things could be employed.

Hope this helps.

i'm usually the kind of person who likes to be in control and lead, but i would not like to be that person in a relationship. i just believe that the male should "wear the pants" or be the dominant one, not the female. of course we'll make some decisions together but for the most part i don't want everything left up to me. i like a man who isn't afraid to step up and take control.

There should be no single control over a relationship, but an agreement. It should be both of you to have control of the relationship, not one or the other.

oompaloompas wrote:

you're a girl. You're not supposed to be the dominant one.

sexist!

How is that sexist? It's called natural.

Hm, well I'm not too sure that there is any specific advice anybody can give you because we're obviously not the ones in the relationship or knowledgeable enough about your relationship to do so, but as it's been mentioned before just try to be a little more bold with your actions. Be the first to call/text. Make dates, set times... etc.

If you're worried about contribution, then try and put forth effort into your relationship. You do not need to have control in a relationship, because a relationship should be equal effort. Both persons should be able to contribute as much into it as the other person. Otherwise, it's not fair if one person does so much work while the other person slacks off.

It's better to be at a happy compromise i think but honestly, just take the piss out of everything he does and say you're joking afterwards as if it's a reward, it puts me in my place so chances are it'll work on your boyfriend