Unimportant?

    • Unimportant?

      I feel unimportant and unloved, because it always seems like everyone is always having a better time than me. I envy the girls who can talk to a guy and not take a whole year just to get comfortable with him. I feel like that’s a bit of my problem, I’m just so uncomfortable with people. I have yet to decide what is appropriate to say, and what is inappropriate. So most often, I only do things I know that are appropriate. (Smile, say yes, say no, laugh a little etc.)

      I do not want to seem repulsive, annoying or strange. I am not popular, however I’m not gonna lie, if I had more friends from that group I would feel more important.
      I definitely do not feel my self-confidence is a major issue, maybe minor. I feel that I am beautiful, and I wouldn’t change much about how I look. I could even go far enough to say I actually expect people to think I am pretty. I am quite content with my grades I get in school. My clothes aren’t too expensive and do not have name brands written all over them, but I don’t think that should matter too much. I only wear eyeliner, but not much at all.

      I am pretty much classified as ‘quiet’, I always have been. Not until I get comfortable with someone do I become an entirely different person. I don’t know what it is about some people, but I can never get comfortable with them. I’ve known some of these people since kindergarten. It happens much more often with boys. I don’t really care what girls think about me as much, I guess.

      I can’t stick up for myself. Not that I get picked on much, really. When I do somehow, I usually just try to laugh it off but I’m sure some people can tell I’m embarrassed.

      When we have group projects I feel like people don’t hear me when I ask a question. I’m not funny enough. They laugh with each other, and I’m so worried about getting my word in I don’t hear the joke. I’m not sure if they don’t realize, or they just don’t like me. Being unheard is probably my most dreaded feeling besides being embarrassed.

      I cannot think of any past psychological reason why this might be, besides my Mom left one day when I was eleven and didn’t come back, leaving my Dad to raise me and me sister who is four years younger. I don’t think that could have much to do with it, but I believe that does somehow contribute to my daily stress because at times I have become jealous of people who talk about their great relationships with their Mothers while I never really had one, and when I did it wasn’t great. I don’t see my Dad too often because he works really long hours and sleeps most of the time he is home.

      But otherwise, I just joined this site looking for some help with my problems, since I can’t find the answers myself. Actually writing this out has helped too, I think. :)
    • Re: Unimportant?

      you say you are confident, but it sounds like you are lacking some self-esteem in certain areas. this is nothing to be ashamed of, it's quite normal, actually. it's really difficult, but i think the best way to handle most situations it to act like shit isn't bothering you. if you put out the vibe that you don't give a shit whether or not you're accepted, or whether or not you're well-received, people won't give you as hard of a time. on the other hand, don't go overboard and walk around like you walk on water or something either - that's kind of annoying.

      i know what it's like to feel like no one is listening. i have that problem, too, and i think i let it get to me much too much. well, you're the "quiet girl", right? people like you and i tend to get less attention and less consideration. that's because most people our age are kind of assholes, though sometimes i think it's all people, not just people our age.

      you say more than once that you're afraid of how to act or what to say because you are afraid you won't be "funny" (fill in the adjective). you should try not to worry about that and just say what's on your mind. i mean, don't force yourself on people, but don't hold back either, you know? you probably aren't giving yourself enough credit. we tend to be our worst critics when it comes to these things. ;)
    • Re: Unimportant?

      To add on, I think that its way easier to get comfortable with people that share an intrest, hobby, or favorite thing with you. Im sure you have all of these things, and when you can relate to people, its easier to open up to them. Lots of times, its hard to open up to people, and i think as you grow youll find that the "good" guys like girls who don' t just open up right away. I think you should look at your self-reservation in a good way, and just be patient and slowly try to open up to people more and more. I hope this helped.
    • Re: Unimportant?

      I will definitely try to be more accepting of things that are bothering me, because I can't control them. I've really thought that part of my problem was that things don't go my way, but in reality, I could just deal with them differently.

      It is very hard for me to open up to people in general, and I realise, like you say, the people I never do really connect with could be the ones that just have nothing in common with me.

      Thank you very much for the replies! They are appreciated! :)