Rebelllll If I were you I'd go to a party and come home at like 1 am or the next day and just be like Wuddup Rents I was just at a party.. with LIQUOR... And WEED.. and OTHER DRUGS.. a few people tried to FORCE me to do them.. but I Have self-control and did not fall into peer pressure and hopefully they'd have a little more trust in you? after your not grounded? I would just argue with them and prove them that they're wrong for the most part.. but thats just me.

---------- Post added at 09:10 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:08 PM ----------

Oh and also if theyre gonna compare you to your friends tell them compare you to other kids (12 year old girls getting pregnant, 8 year old boys selling crack etc.)

I say yes, your parents are being pretty ridiculous. I don't know what giving up means for you, but I would disobey them long before any of that. Of course, you will be able to be free of them in two years(ish?) so it might be wise to chill and just try to do well in school so you can get a good job.
ALSO: I've done lots of drugs and drank a lot, stole a lot, partied a lot, and it isn't that unusual for people around our age, your already a way better kid than most.. and IMO your parents shouldn't be talking shit or trying to change you.

I would normally say talk to them, but it seems you've tried to do so already. Conditions in your home seem a bit rough, and a bit over the top. I wouldn't say give up per say, but abiding by their rules without argument for a while may cause them to give you a little more slack. Act like the perfect kid they want, and then they'll see that you're not who they think you are.

I think you are correct. You made one mistake, okay, let's not go overboard with it. I think you've learned your lesson? They seem to be overbearing on you, and you're more of a prisoner than their child. I think some of the things you've said might have been exaggerated, but overall it's a bit much either way. Teens are teens, and this is the time you're meant to have fun. Preventing it now is just going to make you a partier later in life because almost everyone needs to go through that phase. Perhaps if you brought that up with them?

They're set on their ways, so opening communication with them is almost useless I think. Proving yourself might just be the only way.

I feel you bro. A lot of the time if my eyes are red from crying or some other reason, my mom goes really crazy, she snoops my phone, msn, facebook, room all the time. I have no idea how to respond to this either. Maybe talk to someone like a guidance counselor?

To me, their restrictions do sound a little on the harsh side. I've seen kids with far fewer restrictions turn out okay, and I've seen kids with much stricter rules get into no end of trouble. Personally, I have parents there were relatively lenient to me and yet I never did drugs, only drank a couple times, and graduated high school with a 4.21 GPA. On the other hand, I have a friend whose parents basically gave her the same privileges as I had, and the did a lot of drugs, got pregnant and dropped out of school. I don't think that the upbringing of a teenager is related to the rules that they are given, I think that may be a part of it, but the majority of the reason is something else. I feel that it has more to do with being taught what's good and bad early on, and being trusted to act on those beliefs.

I would never tell you not to do what your parents say. I respect the heck out of my parents, and I think unless you are being physically or emotionally abused, you should to. But I definitely do think you need to talk to them, and start attempting to get more leniency from them. You are almost sixteen and you are never in trouble, those are two pretty good bargaining chips to throw around. Give it another shot, sit them both down and talk to them maturely about it. A combination of actions and bargaining might be able to make them rethink their current restrictions.

I think telling them that they're being overbearing nazi's probably won't get the reaction you want. Typically what happens, is that a mediator is brought in. If you start to rebel, and turn into a bad kid, your guidance councilor might sit you down as a family where you can get your opinion heard without having to hear the 'This is my house' bullshit. If none of the above results in some leniency in the noose they have around your kneck, you can threaten to run away/do it for a week or so. And only agree to come back if things change. This always seems to work. (or your already super strict parents will become even more protective. But hey, worth a shot, right?)

They are being quite overprotective, but I disagree with the people that say you should rebel. One of my friends had very similar parents and rebelling didn't help the situation at all. He lived with it until they let up a little when he was older (around 18), and then once he moved out he had complete freedom.

He said he tried talking to them, but I honestly don't think he ever sat down and did it in a calm, serious way. I think you should try to have a solid talk with them about what bothers you, and ask them why they still don't trust you, and what you can do to earn that trust back while still being able to go out. Ask what they were like when they were kids, maybe they'll remember that they went out and had good times and realize they're being unreasonable, or maybe they did things that they regret that's contributing to their protectiveness - they don't want you to make the same "mistakes" they did.

If it doesn't work I suppose you could resort to just breaking the rules, but I honestly don't think it'll make it any better.

that sucks.

whoever said the thing about the mediator sounds like your only hope, i think. bring someone into the picture, possibly someone that is more understanding that maybe can "reason" with your parents, but also someone your parents respect - do you have anyone like that? a family friend?

your parents should listen to you sometimes. even if they don't trust you, they should hear you out, and you should tell them that it's their responsibility as your parent to at least let you have a voice.

you gotta learn to be more firm, that's what i think. don't throw a tantrum or anything, try to be adult. maybe write it all down in a note for them?

there's still a chance they will ignore you. some parents are just control freaks and don't do well with reason, and this could be your predicament.

by the way, next time your write something this long, make paragraphs, this gave me a headache.

Look at all the repercussions of what you might consider doing before you do them. (You know the way your parents will react better than anyone)

If you rebel, it's possible that your parents might become even more strict and the situation will spiral even further down. Also if you rebel and try to tell your parents that you should be able to do what you want to- and your not making what they see as 'right' decisions, you have weaken your position.

You may have already but consider this; If you allow them to some way see you handle yourself like an adult; it may make your parents feel like they have done a good job- they may be lighter on you. (Actions speak louder than words)

If your looking to 'break' your parents of this overbearing, overprotective style of parenting; the last thing you want to do is pick a fight. Your parents will be getting the impression your just being a teen and 'they know better'.

Lastly it seems that the trust is gone- what would it take to have Your parents trust you again? You may have already, but have you asked your parents that question? And did they give you a truthful answer? Just a thought.

^This. Especially the second paragraph.

What is your cultural background. Some are traditionally more strict than others, but in any culture, once violated, trust is a very difficult thing to get back. Your parents don't want you doing drugs. Not such an unreasonable thing. If you hadn't been caught, would you still be smoking weed? Asking how you can gain some trust is probably the best approach. In a calm, reasonable tone. Don't get riled because that will only work against you. No whining either. Just a calm, adult conversation. Show them you can converse like an adult, and maybe they'll be more receptive. "I know I was wrong to do that and I really want to earn your trust back. I want to do the right things and have the chance to prove to you I can be trusted." Something like that.

to me it looks like there's not much you can lose anymore, if they are limiting you on so many things, they are, in my opinion, kinda ruining your teenage years - those are supposed to be "the best" years of your life when you are supposed to go out and party, have fun with friends and just generally chill. I don't know what you will do or anyone else would, but i know i would try to rebel in this situation. Probably not for any price, but i would clearly tell me parents that the thing with weed was a big mistake that you have no intentions to repeat and that you are old enough to think with your own head. Ask them for a few trials and see what happens, but tbh you should just insist on it.

I had a similar problem when my parents were limiting me, but they gave me few trials when i requested it and i always came home sober and ok. So with time their trust in me raised and was like that till i hit 18, which is when i also started drinking etc. worked well for me

imho your parents are gonna end up fucking you up. honestly if my parents were like that to me i would have gone psycho and be in a mental facility by now. but thats just me.

sounds like you are an only child? if so then your parents probably don't know what they are doing too well. I was an only child for a while (im the oldest) and my parents were "kind of" harsh like that, but then they decided to have another kid and they started drinking the parenting DVDs, etc. now they are normal. your parents dont sound like they know how to raise a teenager, so they are just taking the easy way out: not trusting you. what do you do in return? not trust them.

Bad idea. I have done that and it really doesn't help. Makes things MUCH MUCH worse.

I pretty much agree with the above. Also, rebelling will just prove to your parents they do have a reason to be overprotective, especially if you go out and do something ridiculous.

Paragraphs next time! lol.

hey, so a little background before i answer through my 2 cents in. 18 iv been smoking pot since i was 13 and have been involved in and hooked on many others all my life my dads been a pothead and hasnt gaven half a shit what i do and my mother is always working and trusts me out of pure neccesity cause she couldnt keep tabs on me if she wanted to. split households. impossible for them to try and punish me for shit. so ive always been allowed to do whatever, sleep over at friends houses on schooldays whatever. if it was something i couldnt do i would get away with it. now, another thing. ive always failed in school even before any drugs. and ive NEVER been in trouble at school. i dropped out at 16 and moved out at 17. im now living 20 miles from home. i wanted MORE freedom but the more i get the more the things i loved to do became more mundane. they say you cant appreciate what you have untill its gone. well its true. if it was one thing i look back and wish would have been different in my life was i wish my parents would have been stricter and forced more on me so i would have been more prepared for life now "trust me i was 110% sure i knew it all before i moved out" honestly when i see situations like yours the first thing i think of doing if i were in that position is rebel. but let me tell you. first try telling your parents that there untrust of you and constant accusations are making you more tempted to do drugs since you feel like your being punished for it anyways even though your currently not. tell them you feel like you deserve some trust and reward for your current strengths and achievments and not punished on assumtions and kept on the assumptions that youll try things. most importantly though, make it aware right off the bat before you even bring anything up that you DONT WANT THEM TO LET YOU DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT. dont try and push to stay out later or do things that "your friends get to do all the time" just try and get them to first understand your position. tell them what your thinking. not just how you feel cuz more then often the parents are not going to relate to how you "feel" cuz they cant. but they can understand your thoughts. talk to them. i mean rly talk, with parents the first thing there gunna do is fight when you bring up feeling smothered and tell you its for your own good. just tell them you dont understand how. make them elaborate. listen to them and TRY to understand it from there side. there kid is gone all day doing god knows what. they are drugs everywhere now adays and everyone is doing them. its they are right theres a 95% chance your going to end up getting pressured into something. staying the night at friends houses? thats an entire NIGHT that you could be doing whatever you want, and lemme tell you they dont think you WANT to be at ur friends playing vidya games and drinking mountain dew. they think you want them to think that so u can go meet up with ur friend and then do shit all night without being kept tabs on. all i can see is PLEASE dont rebel. your parents DO have the right intentions. but ill tell you know actions arnt going to say anything. and taking action itself is only going to hurt any kind of trust you DO have with them. you have to relize something as well, there not, or at least not entirely Sheltering you because they think ur a little kid. there trying to help you because they know your old enough to think for yourself and make your own decisions. so again i would go talk to them. tell them "im not trying to change anything i just want to talk about our current rules and such because i want to understand why they're there. i want to know your fears for me because even though your putting all these rules on me to protect me, there only going to be looked at as obstacles untill i understand why theyre there. i respect you, your rules, and your intentions. but i just feel that some of your rules might be in vein and that you guys dont have any trust in me at all, and that makes me depressed and after years of feeling untrusted and being seemingly punished for things i havnt done (yet according to you guys.) what they have to understand is at this point its not there job to shelter you. because now there just going to start sheltering you from the real world. their job is suppose to be to prepare you. warn you. and train you. for what the real world contains. hell, if drugs are there biggest worry. OFFER to role play with them. ask them to help you refuse peer pressure. and even suggest they give you monthly drug tests.(remember this isnt you trying to change any rules or get instant trust from them. so when bringing this up to make it seam like you want to prove them wrong. you want them to relize, or atleast think. that your offering this because you want to help ease their worrys, and maybe show them that you are a good kid just a little bit) you can get take home kits that are cheap and have 2-3 uses. and that alone will show that every month there hasnt been any substances introduced to your body. just keep pushing this. and honestly yes. your going to have to put up with it for now but if you do this and just work on trying to close the gap in communication itll pay off. quicker then you might think even. but the trick here is both getting them to see from your side which will be hard to get me wrong. but also for you to truely see it from their perspective, which might not be as hard as you think.

If I got caught doing drugs, I could see my mum doing the same thing, cept she wouldnt force me to bed early or buy my own clothes.

If that happened to me, I would be trying to convince her I have changed.

But since that didn't work for you, I would be rebelling. I know it's a bad thing to do, but they are over reacting waaay to much. Every teen messes up now and then, it's okay.