I'm so confused, lost, and don't know what to do..

    • I'm so confused, lost, and don't know what to do..

      Alright, so this is gonna be a pretty decently long story. Read on if you're interested in reading about crappy teenage drama life. Whoopee.

      So anyways, a few details about myself. I'm a seventeen year old virgin, I just started grade 12, and I've had a few girlfriends but very little "experience." Yeah, that's about all you need to know.

      This story's about two girls in my life. One we'll call V, and the other we'll call K. Both are very close friends of mine and have been for quite some time.

      V is one of my ex-girlfriends from a year and a half ago. We dated briefly at the start of 2009 when we first met, but that didn't work out, we didn't talk for a while, but a couple months later we started talking once more and ended up becoming very good friends in the process and we've been close ever since.

      K is a girl I've known for quite some time now. We were in the same gym class a couple years ago and that's where we started our friendship. For about a year after that, we were never really super close and didn't really know each other too well, we'd say hi in the halls every once in a while and talk on Facebook once in a blue moon but that's about where it stopped.

      We started becoming very close at the start of second semester last year. We ended up in the same English class and along with talking to one another in that class, we'd talk more on Facebook and MSN, getting so close to the point where we were talking for at least a couple hours every single day always having really good conversations. It was about this time that I realized I was starting to fall for her. Initially, I never really thought much of it because I always thought she was out of my league. She's beautiful, kind, and well-liked around the school (I wouldn't necessarily say popular, but she hung out with those kinds of people a fair bit), so I tried to shrug it off and not think anything of it, but that became harder and harder because we started talking more and more, always texting one another, walking around the school together, and still always talking on Facebook and MSN, and I realized "shit, I must really like this girl.."

      I always wanted to tell her how I felt. It's never really been something I was good at, so that definitely held me back, but two things that stopped me every single time - she started telling me about this guy she was dating from the next city over, and the fact that she was moving over the summer to a different province. But still, with all this, I found myself growing much closer and much more attracted to her, but I never fucking said anything. She started officially going out with that other guy, and moved in July, and to this day, I'm still absolutely crazy about her.

      Now, you're probably wondering what V's relevance is in all of this - that is, if you even remember her after all the rambling I just did about K. Anyways, ever since our breakup, V and I have always still had some sort of feelings for one another. We've almost gotten back together since then about three or four times, and just recently, it's happened again. She texted me the other day telling me that she was still "in love" with me (which kind of came as a shock to me, since she never even told me she was in love with me in the first place), and we've spent the past couple of days hanging out and acting like a couple, and we even made out yesterday.

      Normally, I'd be completely stoked for this, because until about seven months ago, V was the only girl I really had feelings for, and since I'm a seventeen year old who's never had sex before, part of me is thinking this is a really opportunity to change that and finally lose my virginity. But the feelings for K are still there, lingering inside of me and running wild all around. I still talk to K everyday over Facebook. Despite the fact that she's a few provinces away now, we've still managed to become even closer and I'm even taking her to prom if and when she comes back next May. But at the same time, V is absolutely crazy about me and I still have some feelings left for her as well, but not nearly as strong as the feelings I have for K, even though I know that I can't be with K because of her move as well as her recent breakup with her boyfriend which she's still struggling with.

      So that's my problem. I really don't know what to do. Do I think with my cock and take this easy opportunity to lose my v-card, or do I think with my heart, continue being single and keep moping around because I just can't seem to get over this absolutely incredible girl?

    • Re: I'm so confused, lost, and don't know what to do..

      Personally, I don't agree with how you've established your "decisions" in the end of your story. You presented V as a girl you may want to be with because you still like her for who she is, but then you said you want to be with her to lose your virginity. That is not the way to think about it and is disrespectful to any girl you think of that way.

      On to your situation. I think both of these are poor options at the moment. K just recently moved away and just started dating someone new. She may date him for a while or not, and if she breaks up with him, you'll be back at the beginning, trying to get her again, when she may now be turned-off from dating guys for a while.

      Now with V, you both have obviously had a rocky relationship in the past. There are two concerns I have about your liking of V: 1) are you sure it will work out or will you just hurt yourself again with a breakup?; 2) it seems you only want her to lose your "v-card" and you even stated this option as "think[ing] with [your] cock." This, paired with the fact that this would possibly be the fifth time to be with her, seems to make her a bad choice.

      What I think you should do is not limit yourself to these two girls. One is gone for now with another guy, and the other you want for sex and an unsteady relationship. What you need to do is don't mope, get some confidence, and approach a new girl. There are plenty of girls out there who you will think are amazing, you just need to be open-minded and find them.
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    • Re: I'm so confused, lost, and don't know what to do..

      I didn't really mean to come across as disrespectful, it's just the fact that I'm seventeen and never had sex before and when you're that old and a virgin, there's a lot of peer pressure that goes with it.

      PS: Thanks for your input dude, really appreciate it.

      The post was edited 1 time, last by Knox: Forgot to add in a thank you note :P ().

    • Re: I'm so confused, lost, and don't know what to do..

      I can see why you're confused and having an issues with this situation. It's not the easiest thing when in the back of you're mind you're curiosity is overwhelming you of what could have been with "K".

      With K, it seems that it was just an unfortunate situation and bad timing, something you lacked control over. Here's the snag though, as you've developed great chemistry and an amazing relationship with K, your thoughts might be altered towards her due to V.

      In reality, you have a lot to think about, you need to measure how your personal happiness will play out if you're with or without V, that's the key in my mind. If you truly respect V and feel as if things can work between the two of you on an emotion and physical level, don't look at is only as an opportunity to lose your virginity, but as an experience and something meaningful.

      Seriously consider how things will play out if you're with V. I imagine that somewhere in the back of you're mind there's the possibility of 'something' happening with K when she visits in May, due to the relationship you have with her. If you're with V you have to dismiss any type of thoughts like that, you have to be willing to sacrifice a certain emotion towards, K, too.

      Your decision needs to be based off of your true emotions and rational thoughts, if not, you're putting yourself in a position to hurt one of the two. Also, be aware that if you get back with V, you might not be able to take K to prom, it doesn't always work out like that, although, it's very likely.

      One thing I will seriously suggest, before you make any type of decisions muster up enough courage and seriously tell K how you feel or felt about her, get it off your chest, it must be said at this point, it's important. Also, if she doesn't have mutual feelings it might be easier for you to look at this situation differently and possibly make a choice more clear. However, if she does feel the same you're still at square one. There's a lot of perks to telling her, you will feel better too.

      Basically you need to have a serious thought process based off compassion towards the two of them. I might say your chances of happiness physically and emotionally lie in V over K. Seeing as how you can't be with K, mainly due to circumstantial issues.

      Whatever you decide you need to understand that you have a special relationship with K, regardless of what happens you need to cherish your friendship with her, even if she doesn't feel the same on an emotion level.

      If you're worried so much about lacking experience and that's your only concern, you should not worry about your feelings for either of them and do your own thing, there will be plenty of opportunities for meaningless sex and experience. You shouldn't let that burden you though, it's no reason to beat yourself up, it will happen when it's suppose to.

      As I previously said, only consider a relationship with V if it's going to have meaning to you, the sex will be a lot better and the experience will be greater for you, at least in comparison to meaningless sex. Put yourself in her shoes, if she seriously loves and cares for you, she doesn't want to be used or screwed over, heavily consider that.

      That's my two cents and now I'm broke, good lucking figuring it out. Wish the best for you my man.

      The post was edited 3 times, last by Raylan Givens ().

    • Re: I'm so confused, lost, and don't know what to do..

      I'm going to go a little bit further on this and say that unless you can get your feelings in order, it's probably best if you don't have any kind of relationship with either of the girls. Unless you know exactly what it is you want, it would be extremely unfair to inflict your own indecision on either of these other two people.

      I also have to be pretty blunt when I say that I'm not at all impressed with your attitude toward a relationship with V. This is a girl that obviously has strong feelings toward you that you don't reciprocate. The feelings that you do return toward her, you do under false pretenses. Then you justify this behavior with the co-out: "it's just the fact that I'm seventeen and never had sex before and when you're that old and a virgin, there's a lot of peer pressure that goes with it."

      Essentially you are saying that it's okay to use this girl, your friend, for sex because it's expected of you. To me, that's the mark of a pretty shitty person.

      You need to rethink this. I'm not sure how much you care about it, but your friendship with V will be pretty much over if she realizes you don't like her and then just used her for sex. If there is any inequality between the feelings you have for V and her feelings for you, stay away from her. It's wrong of you to hurt her just so you can lose your virginity.