it started just before the summer when me and my best freind had just recovered from a big argument that we had cause he used a girl and i was freinds with her and he reali hurt her but after a month or so we decided to just put it behind us. me and him joined a new group at our school was pretty much just the emo group. just as me and my best mate started to get along he went back with his old girlfreind which reali bugged me mainly cause he lied to me and didnt tell me wat he was feeling then when i asked him why he lied he fliped out on me. so he was now sitting around with his gf who i didnt like but i tried to patch things up but he was so obsessed with this girl he completely ignored me. then cause im seen as like the gay best freind so everyone trusts me i find out while hes using this girl as an excuse not to hang round with me he has been texting 2 girls in my group and one of them i reali liked but he didnt kno which was my fault so i dont blame him for that, but wat got me was when i told him i was sorry for getting angry bout him and his gf and asked him why he was playing two freinds off against each other he told me i was a jelouse fuck and made it a big deal that i was a horibble person and i was hated by almost my entire year until the summer. then i patched things up a little with him and we met up with my other freind a few weeks in the summer and we went skating near the i likes house and because he had flirted with her he took it as an opertunity to make her like him more by showing off and it worked and i was at the point of just leaving but cause i do love him after we met her and he wouldnt stop going on about her i told him to ask her because she had told me tht she liked him, and he did and they started going out i thought i could just move on but the way he treated her made me reali angry. i didnt pay much attention after her bday until i was told that corinne my mates gf's best freind who my freind had been flirting with non-stop even when he was out with his gf had flipped and they wernt speaking. his gf went on holiday to america and after she had spent alot of money buying stuff for him cause he acts reali nice he went on fb and told her he needed space cause he couldnt kope with a girlfreind and his cousin trying to kill himself which i felt sorry for him about. then after not seeing him or anyone else for the entire summer i got back to school to find out alot of dirty little secrets hed been hiding had revialed themselfs. in the case of him breaking up with the girl i had finaly moved on from he had told her best freind who he was still flirting with that he broke up with her because she didnt understand him cutting then from his old girlfreind i find out tht 2 days after him breaking up with this girl he went back out with her and then tried to hav sex with her and everything i thought she had done to him tht made me hate her was just wat he did to her and she tried to kill herself twice because of how he made her feel guilty. and he has stopped his freind going out with another one of his ex-gf's which was making her upset and his best freind who im reali good freinds with found out that he had took advantage of his cousin at a party where he was practicly sober and she was smashed as well as then stealing a girl tht he was in love with just so he could hav somthing to do while all his other people where on holiday. there was alot more things but it would take a long time of typing between tears to get it all down. but when he came back i thought he was changing he texted me asking if he could make it better and because i wanted it to be true i told him if he makes and effort everything will turn out fine. but of course hes a using prick and after he tried for less than a week hes ditched me for his gf who is with him for reasons noone can understand. in the time tht everything has been happening corinne who is his'ex's best freind has been texting him because she was angry at him and because hes a sweet talker she now loves him again and when we met up while i was waiting for him to change he was trying to get some action from her. ive been pretty much ignoring the fact tht he isnt trying because i want him to so bad tht i feel if i lie to myself it might turn out okay. within the last week i hav been trying to borrow a phone from him cause i broke mine and he had said yes, but because corinne was having her bday party and her mum thinks shes having sex with me and my mate cause she met up with us which is a tad odd but her mum didnt want either of us going but corinne managed to get her mum to let me go and he couldnt it magicly didnt turn up and now ive found out the day i found out i could go and he found out tht i could and he couldnt he had the phone for me but out of spite he didnt. which brings me to corinnes bdays i was reali happy because i get paranoid bout freindships which isnt suprising after how my supposedly best freind treats me. i hav a big thing for corinne and one of my reali good freinds convinced me to just tell her but i didnt want her bday to be awkward. so we all got drunk there was seven of us in total and there was only 2 guys there me and this bi guy who also fancies my best mate. but i was in corinnes room with corinne while everyone scavanged for booze and i said i love you and she said the same but tht was cause we'd been saying all night as a freind kinda thing but then i said i reali did and she said if she wasnt so into my best freind then shed want me cause she does like me. and then a few mins later her best freind tht i still like abit but backed off cause of my mate, found out tht i had a thing for her and she said tht if i had told her at the time she probably would hav gone for me which i doubt cause im nt as atractive as my mate but tht made me angry, and if it wasnt all bad enough neither of them remeber or theyr to embaressed to talk bout it. im nt suprised tht corinne doesnt like me tht much but its how my mate uses her all the time and makes her feel so crap tht she cuts herself and yet he always makes her feel like its her fault so she still likes him. and this morning when i woke up after our drunken party i was watching a movie and i was hugging corinne and all i could imagine was how she wishes it was james. i reali dont know wat to do now i cant explain to him how much i wish he was dead or atleast gone, he has pushed everyone including me to the point of suicide. but i cant stop everyone beleiving his lies and i dont kno if i can watch him hurt corinne anymore cause i reali like her. ive tried starting fights with him even tho he could pretty easily kill me but he says im just having a mood swing and just backs away, im at the edje i hav started cutting again ive wanted to kill myself afew times but been talked out of it and im getting into rages which scare me more than anything im reali worried ill hurt somone i love and i cant stop how im feeling cause everytime i turn round hes done somthing again and im supposed to listen to his lies and stop the poor person hes torn the heart from killing themselves.
thanks to anyone tht read all this i know its alot but i needed to get it out
thanks to anyone tht read all this i know its alot but i needed to get it out
