Sar-uh? wrote:

I've always thought I needed people to get by but it turns out I just need attention, I thrive on the thought that maybe someone is thinking about me but then crushed by the fact that nobody is, and I'm really sick of being like this. Well most people would say, "then stop being like this", but I've tried, it's not that easy. I'm just stuck on the thought that I'll be alone, and nobody will want me. It's not even a thought, it's an "obsessive thought". That's what my old therapist told me. I've cired over it, I started cutting again, because I knew nobody wanted me and I'm sick of being like this.
As much as people tell me they like me, or whatever, I don't believe them though.

I understand. I am like this as well, but overtime i started observing more, and caring more, about other people. before, i was the one that needed help; now ive set all that aside, and now nearly nothing phases me. (i guess im just weird like that...)


I also understand the fear of being alone....
i was a loner and has no problem with it until i met my first girlfriend. (also my first friend xD) after her, i saw how much i was missing, and i was (and kinda still am) very afraid of being alone...

being alone is cold. its like a dark room, and your sitting in the corner....



being needy for attention is nothing uncommon. we all do it; know it or not.

just know; you'll never be alone... at times, it will seem like it, because there will be no one holding you. but you will always have friends, and people who will support you, caring about you, and loving you.

weather you want it or not



i got to go back to school now (on lunch)

cya later i added you on msn by the way.


so... whats been bothering you lately that made you want to talk about this?


bye!

-The sorrow :: attention giver :: and happy to be one.

Lots of people have this. One of my really good friends is like this too. She has severe anxiety.

She's recently tried some different meds and they have calmed her down a lot. She is so much easier to be around when she's not worrying about everything.

Perhaps you should talk to somebody about getting something to calm yourself. It's okay to get help for yourself. People seem to feel embarrassed or ashamed. It's quite alright. Lots of people do the same thing.

therapists, eh call ME crazy but i don't trust them. nothing wrong with psychotherapy, but a lot of psychotherapists will take the opportunity to manipulate someone who's weak minded, they love having an influence on people's loves (of course otherwise they wouldn't be psychotherapists). as Sorrow said a lot of people NEED attention, a lot of people need to feel wanted. are you a loner? do you lack friends? i mean you've said you've resorted to cutting yourself, which i don't understand if you had at least some support in your life.

i don't usually condone the use of prescribed medication in order to overcome problems like this. usually with enough will power, people can overcome their obsessions by truly listening to what other people suggest instead of acting like "nope, can't change. can't do it, don't suggest it because i won't do it." i'm not saying you're like that, just an example. but anyway if you're taking it out on yourself physically, maybe you can get something to supress your anxiety. don't just take anything a psychiatrist will "prescribe," try researching it and/or get multiple opinions from other psychiatrists.

and i use to have a lot of trust issues as well. lost a lot of friends because i didn't trust them when they told me they were who they said they were. looking back at it now, i regret it because it was phase but those friends are long gone today. i have a very introverted personality, so being "alone" doesn't phase me. i like being alone to an extent, being healthy and accepting of oneself is the only way they can be accepting of others.

Zdravstvuytye, Sarah.

Okay...as much as it pains me to know that someone so close to my heart is feeling this way, I am going to give you advice in the same way that I would give anyone else advice, and hope that in some way, I can help. Because that's what I'm here for. You know this.

Okay - now before you wonder what the hell I know about a situation like this, trust me, I do know more than you'd think. My friend Alicia who lives in Northern England (I'm seeing her at the end of October actually) - she was like this. There was a time that she was lost without attention, simply because attention was what she didn't have. She longed so much for the attention of others because she didn't have it that she became obsessed with doing anything she could to find it. In her time of weakness she resorted to measures as desperate as self-harming to extreme amounts, attempting suicide many times (several of which I had to help her from myself), lies about such awful things, and getting in to trouble where terrible things happened. I know what situation you are in; I helped her get out of it too.

It doesn't just disappear so easily, I know that. But you need to remember that there are people out there who love you. If you need to, every morning, write down your arm "Anya loves me". Put a daily reminder on your phone that says something similar, about anyone who you know wants you. Ask the people closest to you to draw a picture that they think resembles you and them in a nice way (I'll do one for you if you want), and you can put it as a background on your computer or something, so that every day you are reminded that you ARE wanted and that people DO love you. You're not just wanted and loved though. You're needed. You really are.

You need to find some way of feeling like you are more wanted. I think that you should try to go out with friends more; you may not want to be around them much, but it will most definitely help to be around plenty of people. Stick to small groups at first, and then expand more and more if you feel the need to. You may feel that being in a small group would benefit you best - and that's fine too.
Related to this, I think that it may be a good time for you to attempt to patch things up with any broken bonds between you and family members or friends. They are needed in order to get through many things, and being close with the people who DO love you (even though sometimes they don't show it), will be essential for you to get over this issue that you feel is holding you back.

You've already made a good start. You've identified that you have this problem, and you know it's holding you back. Now remember, it's impossible for you to just change suddenly. You need to do it so, so gradually. First, you need to confess to anything that you have told that isn't quite true, and you need to slowly begin to tame your attention-seeking until you find that you are getting better with it. In time, you WILL feel better, and I'll help you through it too. Just give it time, don't expect too much too soon, and sort things out one problem at a time.

Much love hun...

~Anya xx

I'm going to have to refute your belief that no one is thinking of you. I was listening to Monsters by Matchbook Romance and I was like, "Hey! Sarah listens to this band." That was earlier today. =] Remember the user title?

And I disagree that medicine will help you. Drugs don't teach skills. Go out to social places often. It will give you the short-term attention you need. While there, make yourself mingle with people and become friends. Develop friendships to build strong relationships with a few people who of course have the same interests, relate to you, etc. Those people will give you the long-term attention you will also need as they will always be there, want to talk to you, think about you, and care for you.