Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

    • Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

      someone better?

      See me and this girl had something special, but we've been separated but have still acted like a couple since we broke up, some times more than others. I'm tired of falling for her and I want to move past her once I find someone I can be happy with. Meanwhile she called me today to tell me she loves me and I told her I love her too. Maybe it can work out if it magically went back to how it used to be but I doubt it's gonna be like that after what we've been through and if I can't trust her.

      Like how wrong is it just to have her there till someone more deserving comes along? I've tried staying away from her and being more on my own but it's not fun at all being alone

    • Re: Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

      Seeing that you went to the trouble of logging on here to ask about it, I think you already know that it's the wrong thing to do. You say that you've tried to stay away from her, but it's not working. I'm sorry, perhaps I'm misunderstanding, is she zapping you with a taser and dragging you back to her? Because aside from that unlikely event, I have a hard time seeing how you keep coming back to her despite your insistence that you are trying to stay away... unless, of course, you have no willpower whatsoever.

      The bottom line is that this is someone that cares far more about you than you do her. You say that you have trust issues, and that's good and all, but it's not a legitimate excuse for continuing to lead her on - it's just you finding a reason to justify morally questionable behavior. If you aren't interested in her the way she is toward you, then it's time to break it off with her for good. I'm not going to say that a "friends with benefits" relationship is a good thing or not, but it definitely isn't good if only one of the friends realizes that's the kind of relationship it is.

    • Re: Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

      First, I think you're conflicted about your emotions for her. You don't think she's that great of a girl (you're using her and waiting for someone "better") and you don't trust her. In my opinion, that does not constitute love whatsoever, and if you think you love this girl despite those two issues, I don't think you know what love is and you need to stop saying it. But if you're just saying it because she says it, but you don't mean it, that's just downright cruel and you need to tell her how you really feel.

      Now, you're leaving out a big detail. Why do you keep her around? Is it the sex, the "need" to just have someone there, or do genuinely feel for this girl? If it's the sex, you have to tell her this and if she's okay with that, then fine, but she most likely won't be okay with it. If it's just to have someone there, I don't think you should be with any girl because gap-fillers are not healthy. You shouldn't have to have a girlfriend/friend-with-benefits to not feel lonely. If you do, you lack some social skills because tons of people are single and happy. Learn to mingle with your friends and strangers at social places rather than disrespectfully attaching yourself to a girl just so you're not "lonely."

      If it's because you really do have feelings for her, reevaluate the situation. However, I don't think this is the case since you obviously don't think she's that great of a girl. But if you do have feelings, you should first work past your trust issues (you should be able to trust any friend, anyway, regardless of relationship status). Redevelop your trust, and then see how you stand on wanting to be with her. Do you still want someone "better" or do you appreciate her more? Work past the underlying issues you've presented; the past can be healed and trust can be restored.
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    • Re: Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

      well its not sex because as of late i rarely ever see her its even rarer for one of us to go to the other's place. but if she thinks i dont like her or whatever then that's when she starts acting cold and stops talking to me, which is something i dont want because she's one of the few people that i still talk to. its not that i'm not social but 1. everyone seems to be settled into their groups now at college and 2. i'm usually too tired to be assed at college.

      the thing with her that's a main reason why its hard to rebuild trust is the fact that i barely ever see her. even when she's had the chance to see me a few times as of late she hasn't come through which is giving me more reason to be closed off to really trying with her. that and the fact that she was being sneaky and trying to hide this picture of her getting kissed on the cheek makes me think like how can real trust be built off of this?

      all in all it doesnt sound like it but ive put in a lot of effort to make things work again and everythings been shot down. now that she decides she wants to warm up to me again i dont think that should be a reason for me to start caring much, especially since everything with her now is just talk.

    • Re: Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

      breakboy wrote:

      someone better?

      See me and this girl had something special, but we've been separated but have still acted like a couple since we broke up, some times more than others. I'm tired of falling for her and I want to move past her once I find someone I can be happy with. Meanwhile she called me today to tell me she loves me and I told her I love her too. Maybe it can work out if it magically went back to how it used to be but I doubt it's gonna be like that after what we've been through and if I can't trust her.

      Like how wrong is it just to have her there till someone more deserving comes along? I've tried staying away from her and being more on my own but it's not fun at all being alone


      Guilty! HAHAHA! I've done it. And it is not wrong. At least I don't think it is. That is, if it is not costing me any money. You know? Good luck and it is not wrong. 99 percent of guys do it. Tootles.

    • Re: Have you ever stayed with someone just so you can have someone until you find

      I've felt like that at times before too, but honestly if you try to stay with her until you find someone new, your probably not going to find someone new. If anything you might meet someone else and kiss them, but nothing will come of it because you will be worried your ex will find out and be mad, so you'll probably just stay with the old girl. If you truly want to move on 100% then as sad as you may be you need to break it of otherwise your old relationship will probably drag on.