ATT: Need everyones opinion on my poem?

    • ATT: Need everyones opinion on my poem?

      So I need everyone's opinion on a poem I wrote for my English Lit. course?-

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      Earth

      In mother earth her bedding is tamed by the greens of the morning dew
      In father sky his dome is paved by the reflections of the skies blue
      So close to the horizon upon that lace above the Atlantic and over the plains
      Whistle below the heard of the herds along the bushes where the thin wind blows
      Along those banks civilizations spur giving way for humanities birth
      Over the hill tops and beyond the sea now into the oasis and out threw Belize
      Fragile like the cotton and stiff as the hay, it’s known as life strangest ways
      Nations under god reign by an oath; the people’s its customs
      in chantings of hope
      Endured in its nature kept safe in a cradle Earth is the only place we'll keep as a memoir.



      By: Julian
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Proudly Support [SIZE=3]Leukemia Awareness[/SIZE]

    • Re: ATT: Need everyones opinion on my poem?

      Die Afrikaaner wrote:

      So I need everyone's opinion on a poem I wrote for my English Lit. course?-

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      Earth

      In mother earth her bedding is tamed by the greens of the morning dew
      In father sky his dome is paved by the reflections of the skies blue
      So close to the horizon upon that lace above the Atlantic and over the plains
      Whistle below the heard of the herds along the bushes where the thin wind blows
      Along those banks civilizations spur giving way for humanities birth
      Over the hill tops and beyond the sea now into the oasis and out threw Belize
      Fragile like the cotton and stiff as the hay, it’s known as life strangest ways
      Nations under god reign by an oath; the people’s its customs
      in chantings of hope
      Endured in its nature kept safe in a cradle Earth is the only place we'll keep as a memoir.



      By: Julian


      Kay, sup, fellow South African.
      Lines three and four I had no idea what was going on, sorry.
      I liked the last few lines, but feel like it's ended in a kinda anticlimax.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      [SIZE=4]"http://www.teenhutmagazine.com/"[/SIZE]

    • Re: ATT: Need everyones opinion on my poem?

      Aleksandr wrote:

      Seriously what's with all these Boers and their Dutch.


      We're takin' ova' everyting, foo
      Even rap yo'

      [ame='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRzFqW4Xh2k']YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/ame]

      And rock

      [ame='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MdSh8OGCGw']YouTube - Fokofpolisiekar - Antibiotika[/ame]

      Nou luister hier, ons is baie awesome, so jy moet ons respek, anders sal ek jou fetus eet.

      ---------- Post added at 08:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:52 PM ----------

      Die Afrikaaner wrote:

      So I need everyone's opinion on a poem I wrote for my English Lit. course?-

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      Earth

      In mother earth her bedding is tamed by the greens of the morning dew
      In father sky his dome is paved by the reflections of the skies blue
      So close to the horizon upon that lace above the Atlantic and over the plains
      Whistle below the heard of the herds along the bushes where the thin wind blows
      Along those banks civilizations spur giving way for humanities birth
      Over the hill tops and beyond the sea now into the oasis and out threw Belize
      Fragile like the cotton and stiff as the hay, it’s known as life strangest ways
      Nations under god reign by an oath; the people’s its customs
      in chantings of hope
      Endured in its nature kept safe in a cradle Earth is the only place we'll keep as a memoir.



      By: Julian


      It's good, but I think you still need to work on it a bit. I have to agree with Oscar, the third and fourth lines are a bit confusing, so I think you should just read over it and change it slightly. Otherwise, it's a good poem. I liked it. :)