No idea what to do :(

    • No idea what to do :(

      Ok me and this girl are really close, we flirt a ton and we've even kissed, but she has a bf and we know what we have done is wrong, her bf doesn't know any of this and their relationship has been on the rocks for awhile, only reason she's with him is because she "doesnt want to be the one to break up with him and hurt him"...and the fact that he doesn't want the relationship to end...
      shes worried if she leaves him he'll get really depressed and hurt himself

      ...yes i really like her and she really likes me too i've told her how i feel about her and she accepts it but won't tell me how she feels because she believe it's inappropriate due to the fact shes got a bf...so now shes told me that she doesn't think her relationship with him is going to last very long but she doesn't want to leave him untill he gets a job and is stable with his life...which i think is very caring of her and i can't exactly say anything against it because i don't know what the guy has been through...

      I have really strongs feelings for this girl and i think she does for me too...if im honest she even sees me more times a week than her bf...so this leaves me messed up inside and in my head because i really care about her but am i just wasting my time ? I mean im always going to be second best right ?..can i get some other people opinions on my situation please and maybe some advice because im getting kinda down because the more i see her the more deeper my feelings get for her...thanks.

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      To start with, stop thinking in the short term. She is giving you every single sign possible that she likes you and is interested in you. And though I don't really agree with her leading her boyfriend on when she already believes the relationship is over, her heart is in the right place. She sounds like a very compassionate person and I have to give her a lot of respect for trying to make the split with her current boyfriend as easy as she possibly can for him.

      That being said, if you like her you just need to give her some time. Let her get through this thing with her boyfriend at her own pace, and don't pressure her into moving faster. She sounds like she just needs a friend right now, and that's exactly what you should be giving her. This is probably as difficult if not worse for her than it is for you, so instead of spending a lot of time dwelling on how bummed out you are, you should consider that she's in the same boat. Talk to her as much as you can, make sure she knows that no matter what's going on with the other guy, you are going to be there for her.

      I do stress again, though, don't pressure her. Attempting to force your way in between her and her current boyfriend might make things go a little bit faster, but may have negative consequences in the long run. It's far better just to be patient and let things between them take their natural course without you.

      Above all: be patient. It sounds like this isn't going to go on much longer.

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      thank you Jennifer, yeah i know i don't want to get involved its not really my place all i want to do is help her because i completely understand that it must be difficult for her and i have told her that im here for her whenever she needs me, but when she says stuff to me like 'haha well maybe you should go find another fit girl to get you over me' it kinda puts me on the down i mean i don't want no other girl but her, i mean what am i suppose to say to that ?...

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      Yntervention wrote:

      You can ask her to choose who?
      Its kind of messed up but if you are really all impatient you can try.
      That can be a bad decision though.


      hmmm i don't think i'd want to make her choose thats just putting more stress on her if i make her decide. and even if she was to pick me id be the reason that her relationship ended and i don't want that i want her to make that decision.

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      Northern Lad wrote:

      thank you Jennifer, yeah i know i don't want to get involved its not really my place all i want to do is help her because i completely understand that it must be difficult for her and i have told her that im here for her whenever she needs me, but when she says stuff to me like 'haha well maybe you should go find another fit girl to get you over me' it kinda puts me on the down i mean i don't want no other girl but her, i mean what am i suppose to say to that ?...


      Just because she says that, doesn't necessarily mean that she means it. Guys and girls are different, we think different, it's very likely that she either feels bad that you are waiting for her, or she doesn't want to feel like she's being pressured into moving fast. The best way to deal with it is just to put your feelings for her on the back burner for now, wait until she can actually do something about it.

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      Want an honest reply to this...even thought chances are you wont act on it?
      Run from this girl dude, trust me.
      There are two possible things that are going on here:
      1) She is either a compulsive cheater and uses the "i dont want to leave him because I feel bad for him Q__Q *cry cry* im so caring" and uses you as entertainment. Think about all the men who promise their new lovers that they are in the process of leaving their wives and its oh so close to happening, they just wanna make it nice and easy and all the girl has to do is just wait a little bit more and they will be happy together very soon...while getting BJs in the process
      OR
      2) She DOES like you, but once a cheater always a cheater. If she did this to the bf she has now, how do you know he did not get there the same way you are trying to get there? Better yet, how do you know that once she loses feelings for you, she wont find another guy and do the same thing to you as she is doing to him. She wont wanna leave you out of fear you might "hurt your self" and you will sense there is something going on and start feeling her being distant while she will reassure you she still likes/loves you and then EVENTUALLY someday saying that she is leaving you which will, in an instant, bring back all the time you felt bad and knew something was up.

      I know that me writing this is a long shot...and when you like someone you tend to ignore what other people say and you wanna hear only the best things about someone you like and ignore all the bad things...its natural. But seriously.....consider what I have said.
      The King of Mind-Fuck

      The post was edited 1 time, last by DeamonD ().

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      DeamonD wrote:

      Want an honest reply to this...even thought chances are you wont act on it?
      Run from this girl dude, trust me.
      There are two possible things that are going on here:
      1) She is either a compulsive cheater and uses the "i dont want to leave him because I feel bad for him Q__Q *cry cry* im so caring" and uses you as entertainment. Think about all the men who promise their new lovers that they are in the process of leaving their wives and its oh so close to happening, they just wanna make it nice and easy and all the girl has to do is just wait a little bit more and they will be happy together very soon...while getting BJs in the process
      OR
      2) She DOES like you, but once a cheater always a cheater. If she did this to the bf she has now, how do you know he did not get there the same way you are trying to get there? Better yet, how do you know that once she loses feelings for you, she wont find another guy and do the same thing to you as she is doing to him. She wont wanna leave you out of fear you might "hurt your self" and you will sense there is something going on and start feeling her being distant while she will reassure you she still likes/loves you and then EVENTUALLY someday saying that she is leaving you which will, in an instant, bring back all the time you felt bad and knew something was up.

      I know that me writing this is a long shot...and when you like someone you tend to ignore what other people say and you wanna hear only the best things about someone you like and ignore all the bad things...its natural. But seriously.....consider what I have said.


      Thanks for your advice, hey you could be right but at the end of the day i trust her alot and she hasnt broken that trust yet but yeah sure she could hurt me the same way but if she does that then, she loses me and she knows that.

    • Re: No idea what to do :(

      Northern Lad wrote:

      Thanks for your advice, hey you could be right but at the end of the day i trust her alot and she hasnt broken that trust yet but yeah sure she could hurt me the same way but if she does that then, she loses me and she knows that.

      Well....still.
      If she likes you that much I dont see why she has not broken up with her boyfriend especially if she dislikes him that much...and in a way, she is heating on both of you cause i am sure they still make out and what not. She might lose you yea but if will be in the process of hurting you, then there will be someone else who she already has a crush all....so all she does is migrate. There is no "downtime" so to speak.
      Just be careful is all I am saying.
      The King of Mind-Fuck